The Iron Rod

Hold to the rod, the iron rod, Tis strong and bright and true....Hymn #274 may have mystical meanings. Add your interpretations below.

Original idea and inspiration by Yossarian

02/17/2002 - anon

The new improved "Magic" Rod of Iron Paper Weight. Directions: Place all unofficial doctrines that make the prophet look bad, chruch history that shows the truth, and statistics that show our day has come and gone under the magic paper weight and they will vanish like they never happened. Caution user must really believe in their heart that they have vanished in order for the real magic to have worked.

04/11/2003 - from Jeannie
Just wondering, are batteries included? And is it dishwasher safe?

05/29/2001 - Elder Reegis Fillbun

Appears holding to the rod is for financial gain only.

Oh, great shall be the day when the Lord comes again and throws the money changers out of the temple.

Amazing how many General Authorities fall into that category, of selling their signs and tokens.Aye?

10/04/2000 - -L. Snell, Sacramento, CA

So he huffed, and he puffed, and he spewed inside the teen.
Then, when finished, told her lightly how CELESTIAL it'd been.
In the end, of course, 'twas not enough, and more tail was soon sought;
Glory be! I say, dear Lord, what a mighty rod you've wrought!!

09/04/2000 - The Bacchante
Perhaps Esmerelda lost her Magic Wand?! Add some ribbons and twinkle-stars to the tip and you could sell this thing in a New-Age shop: "Tired of holding your own wand for those pesky spells? Handy Wand-Holder Hand does it for you!...(doubles as a Dandy Dildo when your soulmate spell doesn't work: Batteries not included)" -- very Dionysian=)

09/04/2000 - anon
Doesn't the one on the left look like Star Trek's Lieutenant Commander Data playing with himself?????!!

05/08/2000 - anon
Ebay here we come!

04/30/2000 - Richard Lionheart
And if you take firm hold of the prophet and lift, there's a nifty jewelry box underneath.

04/25/2000 - Brigham Smith
Who says women can't hold the "priesthood"?

04/19/2000 - anon
Looks like the Salamander Awards have some serious competition...

04/10/2000 - anon
Looks like a prop a bishop would use in one of the infamous morally clean lessons. "Continue masturbating, and this is what your Sunbeam-maker will look like".

04/07/2000 - Curious
Where do you put the batteries?

04/06/2000 - anon
We priestcraft-holders must stand upright before the Lord.

04/06/2000 - anon
Boy Scouts learn the proper hand positions for holding their rods in Troop 69.

04/06/2000 - Ian

First, why are none of the rods iron? They're all brass, or crystal.

Second, that's a ridiculous position to be holding a rod in--unless, as Byron says, it's YOUR rod.

Third, this makes me think of a song:

To Joseph, seer in latter days,
A vision came in bed
Where scores of women heard his words,
And this is what he said:
"Hold to my rod, my iron rod
'Tis stiff, and straight, and true,
My iron rod is a gift from God
To place inside of you."

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