10/22/2000 - anon
This worthy cause it what you have devoted yourself to? That's a sad commentary on your life.

10/17/2000 - anon
have you got nothing better to do than try to tear someone or something down. Time could be better spent building someone or something up. Get busy doing service for good.

10/16/2000 - anon
This page is ridiculous, there are much better things to do with one's time. .

10/12/2000 - amanda shively
I have sat here and tried to figure out how people like you can live with yourself. If for some reason you were a member of the church and for some reason left it why waste your time doing what you do instead find a church that you do believe to be true and go there. You are not just making fun of mormons you are making fun of god with some of the things you are saying. I don't need to sit here and explain myself to you because god is the one you have to answer to not me!!! Do something better with your lives than hate people for what they believe in.

praying for lost souls like you

10/10/2000 - Chuck

Dear "Cricket",

I certainly don't dipsute your right to post your opinions on the internet, neither your right to poke fun. However, as I read what you have written, I am concerned because of the very false representation of the character of Gordon B. Hinkley and of the doctrine and practices of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Yes, I am a member of the Church and have been so since 9 years of age. I love the Lord with all my heart, I love the Gospel and I love President Hinkley. Not only is he a just and upright man, but he always acts our of love for all people.

I am not sure what has spurred you to take part of your time to slander the Church and to disparage its president. I would be more than happy to help you understand anything about either that you may misconstrue or not know.

Sincerly,
Chuck Garten
cwgarten@hotmail.com
Editors Note: Please direct any responses to Chuck's post directly to his own email address. Any responses sent to the Lampoon will not be posted here. This is not a debate forum, but rather a "post it" section for people reactions to the Lampoon.

09/29/2000 - like_24@hotmail.com
To all of you, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints commonly known as the Mormons. I am not here to cut you down or back lash on your comments, I just want you to know that never has our church sent out pages such as these that degrade other churches. And I find it shocking that in a country where freedom of religion is listed in the Bill of Rights we would have problems such as these. I would hope that you would take these items into consideration for we 'MORMONS' are people too. Aloha

09/28/2000- anon
i am 15 yrs and i'm from n.z. i am sorry for all those who have succumbed unto satan, and turned from the truth. why go bashing peoples own personel beliefs? what is anyone trying to prove? i am an active mormon youth and after reading people dissing the church, i wonder if you people who seem to dislike us so much, are trying to leave us confused about our beliefs. well, for me it makes me even stronger in my beliefs of the church and i am also proud to be a part of this wonderful church which has helped in many ways which i wish anyone could experience if they weren't so stubborn and ignorant. but i forgive those who know not what they do.

09/28/2000 - Katherine
I am a female teenage Mormon. I'm proud to be a member of the LDS church and I believe it with all my heart. You can make fun of me or say I'm lacking in common sense all you want, but I will never abandon what I believe to be the true church. I'm not going to try to force beliefs on you, or insist that you're wrong, because everyone has a right to believe what they want to. No one can make you believe something you don't think is true. But, the thing that is so unfair is that you spend so much of your time bashing the Mormon church and making up lies about it. You obviously don't realize how much the gospel means to some people. I'm not a wuss, but I cried when I read some of the terrible thing people have said about Mormons on this site. What gives you the right to be so cruel and mean-spirited to anyone of any religion?

09/28/2000 - anon
go ahead and make jokes now, you will soon see

09/28/2000 - anan
Your all out of your minds.

09/27/2000 - anon
ya notice that mormons don't belittle anyone who speaks negatively about them yet anti-mormons still persist in putting down the chuch, some even think theyre funny. Can't we all just get along, huh?

09/21/2000 - anon
You people are rude

09/19/2000 - MHayes6595@aol.com
I am not exactly sure what this websight is all about but I am definatly offended by its contents. This is one of the most sac religious things I have ever read. It's not at all funny. It's nothing short of disgusting.

09/19/2000 Sarah S
Dear cricket,
I think your website is so stupid. How could you even say such things about the true church.One day you will regret all you have said and wish you had seen the truth sooner. Even if you don't agree, you don't have to mock people's beliefs. Please email me back on some reasons why you hate Mormons enough to make an anti web site about them.

09/16/2000 - anon
HERE is proof that you "lampooners" are really stupid: THE GOVERNOR OF UNAH IS A MAN!! SO THERE E-mail = anonimus

09/09/2000 - anon
your messing with the faith and taking jabs at the relationship that people have with their savior, I hope you don't keep it up

08/30/2000 - amenini9@hotmail.com
Perdition ain't nothing to play with! I hate to rub it in, however, I must admit it feels great to know that Armageddon was over before it started. For all those that don't yet know, No man enter into the Kingdom, except through Jesus Christ. Sure, you can work here for eternity inhale. Eventually, those that are corrupted will just simply die off. God's Wheel is so great. I'm glad to be able to correspond with people of your persuasion. It makes me feel good to be able to announce to you that your rebellious nature, and blasphemous remarks will continue to garner you the darkness of spirit in which you seemingly enjoy! Congratulations, you earned it! I overcame this world, the flesh! Have you yet realized that we were all made like beasts? I find it utterly amusing to observe human beings, as frail as they are, they have the audacity to blaspheme GOD. Their reward: Eternal death and darkness inhale. They believe a lie, they tell a lie. So the truth will remain far from them. Cheers! New Jerusalem is here! Enjoy your death.

08/30/2000 - anon
I'm really sorry for you. If this is the best you can do with your life and your time, then it's time to get a new life. You will be held accountable for every slanderous and degrading remark you say about any religion. You will be judged accordingly. Prepare to meet your maker.

08/15/2000 - Elder Timothy Bunting - cashcobra2000@talkcity.com
this site sucks! check out a real website!
Nazi Mormon In Your Face

08/09/2000 - anon
Joseph Campbell has about as much respect in the greater academic world as Hugh Nibley.

08/08/2000 - anon
How sad that all of you faithless. beguiled unhappy and bitter souls should scoff at sacred things. You knew truth once, but Satan is truly crafty and able to fool even the elect. How very sad.

08/07/2000 - Baby Huey
bunch of big babies. Mormonism is true. you all need to go find a life rather then tell someone online. You all just did not want to change your pathetic lifestyles. Your life's all sucked. so you use mormons to blame. Yoour life sucks. don't blame the mormons. blame yourselves

08/03/2000 - anon
As soon as I think of any material for the "Anti-Presbyterian" website, I'll let you know. In the meanwhile, let me get back to my nap (ZZZzzz...)

08/04/2000 - the real M.K.
To Whom It May Concern: it has been brought to my attention that there are two posts on this (funny but kind of sad) site that bear my name but are not from me. Not knowing how many matt kester's there are on earth and in grad school I am slow to scream imposter but just want to say that they are not from the matt kester in the historical anthropology Ph.D program at UCSB. Thanks.

08/03/2000 - anon
You people make me sick!! I cant belive your sick views. God gave us these bodies and everything that we have and he only asks that we respect them and not take advantage of them. He wants us to show we have some self control. And if you are abusing your body in any way the Lord wants you to repent (tell your bishop/stake president) and promice to never do it again! And then NEVER do it again! The temple is Gods home and he doesnt want any unworthy being in his home. The Bishop and Stake Presidents job is to make sure you are worthy. Sure they may not know for sure if you are worthy but YOU know and so does God. You people all make me sick and you need to repent!! I know there are bad mormons out there but now one is perfect! We just need to try to be!!

08/02/2000 - matt kester
It seems like an interseting psychological phenomenon that people cannot just walk away from the Mormon church and just forget about it or leave it alone. It is an anomoly in the religious expererience. I have yet to find entire groups of people that find camaraderie in devoting themselves to the slander of a past faith. Ex-Buddhists, Hindus, Lutherans, Catholics, Presbyterians, Jehovah's Witnesses, where are you? That said, there must be something about the Mormon church that fosters a spirit of self-justification among its former members. Maybe it is wrought out of the self-justification they unfortunately had to experience while they were members due to some sort of inability to exercise faith. One quick point, it is terribly arrogant to put any sort of trust and faith in human intellectual or "scientific" capacity. These are relatively recent concepts built out of Western civilization that really have contributed to a lot of problems we suffer from today. I am an active Mormon and am also pursuing a Ph.D in cultural studies and cultural anthropology. Many of the things I believe are far too liberal for many Mormons, needless to say my interpretation of gospel does not correspond to the beliefs of many faithful members but that's OK. My suggestion is to brush up on your cultural and social theory and realize that you are all no different than those you spend a lot of time(way, way too much time from the looks of it) criticizing. You are worshipping your own Gods that are culturally and socially defined. You worship the Western concept of intellect and rational thought, and you are equally yoked in the close-mindedness and lemming-like devotion that you deride.
Editors reply: This magical thinking self righteous Mormon with his unique and specially customized definition of the gospel better brush up on some critical thinking skills before presenting his Ph.D Thesis. (Unless it's at BYU, then this style of thinking will allow him to become faculty there or at FARMS. If the mormon god(s)are not culturally created then I want my money back from James Campbell and his work, The Power of Myth. Master Kester also failed to check out his claim that exmos are the only ones critical of their former religion. The Ex-Christian Web Ring has 137 anti- Christian web sites alone. I didn't bother to look up the others. Of course because Matt is so special and so correct in all his beliefs and belongs to the only true church, he can just safely assume anything he thinks is automatically the truth. Thank gawd we have finally met someone who has "it all figured out." Matt, please start you own church so we can join up.

08/02/2000 - matt kester
Please present to me, oh enlightened one, a unified theory of Christian derision. Is it because they crushed indigenous culture? Expanded in droves? Or did it in the name of God? In your case, is it because Mormonism instilled in you a sense of guilt that you felt was somehow unfair, and therefore, universally wrong? Apparently it has warped you pretty bad, a great deal of your life's energy is spent in breaking it down. You have a right to create an online support group though so hopefully it helps you out. It doesn't appear that you hate Christianity, just this particular brand. FARMS sucks and so does BYU, but in reality you hate them for practicing the converse of what you are doing right here! Funny stuff. As for starting my own church, why bother, I could hardly be as successful as you.

08/01/2000 - shanra_lark@hotmail.com
Wait. I just got something to say. I'm not Mormon, though I have a lot of respect for the religion just as I expect that people have respect for my religion: Wicca. I get told offensive jokes, and what not and I just laugh it off. Really it seems that all you mormons out there are just wasting your time. Why get so angry over this stuff? Really, come on now. I don't get mad when I am told I am going to Hell! I don't get mad reading that I am "a scum sucking shit bag" to quote one anti pagan site! So really, go spend YOUR energy somewhere else, where it will be far more productive. How about praying? Like maybe praying for tolerance? Hm...I do that all the time because if I didn't I would be just as cranky as everyone here. lol

07/26/2000 - anon
YOU ARE ALL SON'S OF PERDITION. Plus your are all a bunch of no hopers that have too much time on your hands. Get off your lazy butts (which have probably spread ten feet wide and do something more constructive with your time) Damn American dorks

07/25/2000 - David Allen - dajcmo@juno.com
I read your garbage review on President Hinckley's new book. How shameful you must feel to spend your life attacking that which is good. Can you do nothing else with you life that is productive? Surely you have more talent than this but to take shots at others. Life is not a Clint Eastwood movie where everyone has their "lines" down perfectly. It must be a hellish life to be a critic. If not in this one, surely the next. You had better watch who you criticize or you'll be spending a lot of time with your ilk; Hitler, and your big brother Satan.

07/26/2000 - anon
I guess it isn't common knowledge that Hitler has been baptized into the church via baptism for the dead in the Salt Lake Temple.

07/29/2000 - anon
Actually, I believe Hitler was "Baptised for the dead" in the London Temple.

07/20/2000 - anon
Your lack of respect for the LDS religion and the intelligence of members like me would be slightly mitigated if any of you dumbasses were FUNNY...

07/17/2000 - David & Azalia Khan - khanman@saber.net
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

WHY DON'T YOU GUYS TRY TO DO SOME REAL SCHOLARLY WORK INSTEAD OF LAMPOONING YOURSELVES? CHEVY CHASE MADE HIS MILLIONS LAMPOONING BUT YOU HAVE AVAILED NOTHING BUT LEADING THE SWINE TO THE TROUGHS. TO READ YOUR FICTIONALIZED, PARTS ARE TRUE, HISTORY AND TO BELIEVE THEM IS BEYOND ME. IAM AT LEAST HAPPY THAT YOU KNOW HOW TO READ, NOW YOU SHOULD WORK ON YOUR COMPREHENSION SKILLS.

07/15/2000 - woof woof
I proclaim myself the official watchdog of the Internet. I use the ASS grading system, which I invented and which will make me famous someday.

Grade 1 Regular Ass
Grade 2 Jack Ass
Grade 3 Shit Ass
Grade 4 F----- Ass

I have conducted a careful comparison between this website and one cultivated by FARMS. I am sorry to say but those FARMers beat you lampoom losers by an average score of 3.12 to 2.73. Better luck next time.

07/14/2000 - henson.john@talk21.com
Congratulations on quite a funny site. I actualy found you in the history folder of this PC at work so now I know someone in the office is interested enough in the church to research a little, albeit they found the wrong site. Just have to figure out who it was now....

To those who posted unkind, rash comments, please think again before you post. Even on a hate-site such as this (I know you say your just lampooning but come on now) your behaviour us important.

To the moderator (if there is such) I hope you will not delete my post if it is too reasoned and calm for the rest of the volume.

07/12/2000 - khanman@saber.net
I would enjoy helping those who edit these pages to overcome their hate of God's establishment. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs yet those who profess a faith in Christ,Buddha etc. and with their other hand smite a brother for what they do not believe in might spend more time searching what their god teaches. In my years I have found only one form of worship that would coerce people into such demeaning and terrible speech as I have perused here, anyone care to guess? I do not hate those who hate us as Latter Day Saints, I love you and hope to one day have a peaceful audience with you, knowing that it is okay to understand and feel differently. God loves everybody.

07/03/2000 - anon
Stupid and ireverant people mock that which they don't understand.

07/02/2000 - Jason Church churchnj@juno.com

Dear Latterday Enquirer, oops I mean Lampoon,

I perused accidentally, at first, your website. I was quite amused with the time that is spent whether humorously or seriously writing things against the Mormons. I found it most ironic that your exmo ring obviously feels that the LDS church is a farce, yet, I wonder what you offer spiritually?... it appears nothing except a place to vent weakness of character and testimony.

The biggest lowlight is that you try to discredit the LDS church based on the blunders or mistakes of its very human leaders; let me assure you that the same approach could be taken to discredit every major religion and every book of scripture including the Bible. Are you supposed to be a blind lamb without the ability to think and discern for yourself if you are LDS, I sure hope not, otherwise most of the Mormons I know would already be exmos.

Goodluck in what you are looking for, because if you had found it you would not have so much energy or desire to focus it against the LDS Church or any other church for that matter.

06/19/2000 - anon
I think those who care to submit such stuff to this thilthy web site ought to know better. As for those who are running this site what to you have against Mrmons. If you can't even act liks=e adults but as children, making fun of mormons, then you have no right touching a computer. In short GROW UP!

06/19/2000 - cleangrinder@hotmail.com
I like your brigham bougham. But as for the rest, why don't you spend your internet time downloading illegal mp3s and video games like me? One can have much more fun in life that way then making a website which causes you to miss your late night porno episodes then dissing on a church which is only growing.

06/15/2000 - anon
A True Believing Mormon asking someone to get THEIR facts straight? Isnt that like the pot calling the kettle blac-,er,...unworthy.

06/09/2000 - anon
I find this sight the product of people who must feel very threatend by the mormon Religion, or else why spend so much time and energy tearing it down. Are we special or are you generous and create web sights like this for all religions and spread around your hateful intolerance. You have my pity. Someone out there really needs to get a life and needs to get their facts straight.

06/02/2000 - anon
In response to a letter, calling mormons "nazis", I'd just like to point out that you are the ones persecuting people because of their beliefs.

05/29/2000 - Perry Smith - pesmith@worldnet.att.net
You roped me in! I am amused by your need to spend so much time ridiculing Mormons. I must say, it seems that these Mormons are becoming more and more mainstream. A time ago I could not imagine a group of people spending time and effort doing what you are doing, but certainly saw it being done to the Catholics. So you symbolize the intense growth of the Mormons, in your own little-noticed way.

Best of luck, and may your guilt take you to even more productive places.

05/24/2000 - anon
You could do a site like this on any religion. Did some mormon really piss you off? Hey why not make fun of the Jews or is that not popular any more, but the muslims are always good for a laugh. I guess intolerance is always cool. Here's an idea why don't you make the site actually funny. And just so you don't think I'm a bible thumper .... Go Fuck Yourself...again

05/24/2000 - anon
Perhaps a link is needed so that some LDS will learn what a "lampoon" is.

05/23/2000 - anon
dear mam or sir you are a bastard tothis world for calling mormons a lampoon.
p.s shutup

05/13/2000 - The Lampoon fulfills Prophecies of Isaiah
1 Nephi 22:22-23

22 And the righteous need not fear, for they are those who shall not be confounded. But it is the kingdom of the devil, which shall be built up among the children of men, which kingdom is established among them which are in the flesh- 23 For the time speedily shall come that all churches which are built up to get gain, and all those who are built up to get power over the flesh, and those who are built up to become popular in the eyes of the world, and those who seek the lusts of the flesh and the things of the world, and to do all manner of iniquity; yea, in fine, all those who belong to the kingdom of the devil are they who need fear, and tremble and quake; they are those who must be brought low in the dust; they are those who must be consumed as stubble; and this is according to the words of the prophet.

Let me ponder on this a moment....

"get gain" - anyone getting richer than us tithing paying Mormons? "power over the flesh" - Strengthening The Members Committee and the Utah Legislature ( former Council of 50) have any power over the flesh? "become popular in the eyes of the world" - does this not describe the church public relations department perfectly? "lusts of the flesh" - Mormons are sex obsessed. Especially BYU! Obsessed with NOT having sex that is. Ever tried having a normal conversation with a temple Mormon woman who is married? "things of the world" - see above. " do all manner of iniquity" - I will admit that the Mormons are not as bad as they could be, but if absolute power corrupts absolutely, where are we headed?

The way I interpret this passage and particularily its reference to the image borrowed from Isaiah of being brought low in the dust is that you geeks who run this site are doing no more than fulfilling prophecy.

And if any fires break out around SLC we can interpret them in the same way.

The righteous need not fear.

05/11/2000 - anon
"What are we doing that is so wrong?" writes one LDS follower. Suspending rational thought would top my list. Combine this with an astounding accumulation of wealth, aggressive recruiting and increasing political/cultural influence and the future of a sane democracy looks very bleak indeed. Your crazy beliefs and arrogant fundamentalist mindset hurt me and everyone else if you vote. I don't trust you to come to any kind of rational decision related to the future of this country or our participation in world affairs. Any group which preaches (and demands) unquestioning faith in its precepts encourages the kind of mindlessness fascists and communists long for. I'll quit worrying about you when you all agree to stay home on election day.

05/10/2000 - sprachgitter@excite.com Those who contribute to this page in any way, including myself, would do very well to remember a few scriptural references. References to the Christlike attribute of Charity are found throughout the scriptures and we can adhere to it regardless of our religion, because it is taught almost universally. The commandment to us from Jesus Christ himself is: "A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. By this shall men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another." That is found in John 13:34-35. We might also do well to remind ourselves of these scriptures: John 15:12,17; I Corinthians 13:4-8; 2 Nephi 31:20; Moroni 7:45-48; D&C 42:27; D&C 121:45; Leviticus 19:18. These are just a representative few of the scriptures we ought to seriously consider before "speaking our mind" to anybody. I have included references from the standard works of the LDS(Book of Mormon, D&C, Bible), other Christian religions (Bible), and Judaism (Torah) so that we can see how universal this principal is. Let us love and respect one another!

05/08/2000 - anon
This page is pretty funny! It's hard to believe people get so worked up about things. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, even you!

05/05/2000 - LDS Filipino
ILoveYou...Filipino LDS
Open Attached File For "LoveLetter"

05/02/2000 - anon
Do these people really believe that we came from the planet Kolob and that the Garden of Eden was located in Missouri? I have a hard time with these things. How can any intelligent person buy into this?

05/02/2000 - Brian, Idaho Falls
Anything can be twisted, turned, and belittled. Some people even kill when they don't understand, or should I say crucify. You folks are not much different than those who trample pearls of great price. May you find a real job. < 05/01/2000 - anon
You revolt me I am a teenage Mormon female from Australia and am proud to be part of his church, I am a child of god and You all make me sick.

05/01/2000 - anon
You people revolt me I am an active Mormon Teenager from Australia and I love the church this is a load of bull and you are sick twisted individuals

05/01/2000 - anon
You people make me sick I am an 19 yr old female Australian Mormon and love the church with my heart mind and soul and you revolt me.

04/30/2000 - anon
I hate hate mail!

04/18/2000 - anon of course
Aw shucks, I don't hate you guys, the Anti-Mormon sites are some of my favourite surfing places.

I would make a couple of suggestions. Your correspondents should run their letters through a spell checker. A few others should get their facts straight befor they make public statements. It hurts your cause to be seen as too purile.

Me? I'm just your average believing, active Mormon with a very moralistic and conservative view on life. Then so are my three of my four children (one is a bit of a moral reprobate but you are likely to gain a few scars running down the chruch in his presence).

As another "flame" of mine said, don't underestimate us we are the waive of the future - like it or not.

Editors Note: This correspondent failed to follow his own suggestion to use a spell checker. Can you count the misspelled words? (Hint: four words)"Waive" according to Webster means: forsake, give up, throw away, to put off immediate consideration, postpone, to dismiss with or as if with a wave of the hand. Is he waxing prophetic here?

Logic follows that it is okay to be a Mormon moral "reprobate" while inflicting corporal punishment on any one who "runs down the church in his presence." Any one else feel the sweet spirit of the Holy Ghost reading this fine example of Mormon spirituality? Please don't answer this question, just send more hate mail. - the Editors

04/15/2000 - Rebecca Rogers
Why do you spend so much time and energy "following Mormon cultural events with a keen interest" when you clearly don't intend to become a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints? I'm a registered voter, but I don't spend a good deal of my time following the minutiae of the opposing Party -- I just worry about what my own Party is doing.

Get a life! Let other people do what they want to do. After all, our country was founded on religious freedom -- and all your lampooning efforts aren't going to change a thing! The Gospel of Jesus Christ is more powerful than you and will continue to roll forward to all corners of the earth no matter how hard you try to fight against it!

Volunteering your time at a local hospital or a halfway-house for abused/neglected children is a much more productive use of one's time.

04/07/2000 - Burning Bosom Man
I say Wo unto any who would trifle with sacred things! Wo unto those who do not repent and turn from their sinning! Wo unto any who tries to seduce Nancy! You have procrastinated the day of your repentance, and the Judgement of the Lord of Hosts shall be swift and terrible! For behold, he shall smite thy website, from the west even unto the east, from its northernmost parts even unto the most distant southern reaches! Do you expect that thy slandering tongue shall not be pulled from thy throat even by its roots when thou standest before thy God in that day of Judgement? Do you think that the hand by which you didst type these blasphemies shall not have every bone within it broken into tiny fragments? Do you not comprehend that in the eternities, Satan shall hook his fingers into thy nostrils and drag thee thither and yon like a barnyard cattle? O! The foolishness of men before the Almighty! Lo, if thou dost not repent, and return from thy perilous course, and send the Lord's Servants ten percent of thine income, retroactive to the moment of thine apostasy, thou shalt be smitten with a mighty curse. And the curse shall be mightier than the plague of frogs which the Lord did send against Egypt. And it shall be mightier than that curse which doth keep Pauly Shore from making a decent movie! Repent! and sin no more!

04/05/2000 - anon
This mockery will be judged one day by the Lord, and all who have written will reign in torment and sorrow

04/04/2000 - Jim
Why even have a site like this all it does is enrage the mormons and anti-mormons alike, and those whom are not enraged are not made any smarter for viewing this site and those like it. Hate sites of all kinds are worthless, those who waste their time creating these sites should be spending their time elsewhere, perhaps sharing their beliefs instead of ripping down others. Everyone should leave their criticism to themselves and move on. If you are an ex-mormon be happy in your new beliefs and stop dwelling on your HATE for mormons, if you are a mormon stop fighting on sites like this and stop judging, just move on with your life too. Thanks, A happy mormon

04/01/2000 - Choose the Right
To all those Mormon haters out there. I hope you will take time out of your lives to read this. I am a member of the LDS Church(mormon) and am proud of it. I am glad I have the true church in my life. That I have the knowledge of what God wants me to do and where I will end up. I am sorry that some of you feel the need to bash the mormon church. Think about it! What are we doing that is so wrong. NOTHING. When the time comes and we face our God. I know that I will have the chance to live with him again. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints believes that all people have a right to chose who they will follow. Grant us that same right and leave the Church alone. In the end all you are doing is wasting your time and showing all those that read this website that you are bitter, boring people who need to tear down others beliefs to feel happy. How sad you are.

04/29/2000 - anon
Suggested retitle:"Pipe Bombs In Print"

04/15/2000 - anon
I guess the cup of iniquity isn't quite full..but we are getting close...Christ has suffered for mine..and imputed his righteousness too me..so says the kj version.

04/01/2000 - anon
It saddens me to read all the hateful things that have been written about the LDS Church. I have been a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints for 4 years and I have served a mission and I know that the Church is true. If you don't like the Church that is your choice, but why persecute others for there beliefs. I can only come to the conclusion that your all lost and ignorant and have nothing better to do. Also you may have such low self esteem that putting others down makes you feel bigger and better than them. You all are truly sad and I hope one day you will realise just how pathetic you all sound. How ever may God show you the right path back to him and may you follow it.

03/29/2000 - Mike in Brunswick
God bless us all.

03/24/2000 - anon
This is the stupesdest bunch of dumb-ass crap I've read in a long time. My God, get a life!

03/23/2000 - J.G. Fatboy I am not a member of the Mormom Church, nor do I have any plans to become a member. Even though I do not understand the rational behind Mormonism, I have relationships, and friendships with many people of of the LDS, and find them to be some of the finest people I have had contact with in nearly 3/4 of a century; something that I cannot say about members of many other denominations. why can't we just let folks believe as they wish, without vilifying them? I, personally; don't have the time, or desire.

03/22/2000 - melliot
Your website is such a disappointment.

03/19/2000 - anon
I thought mormons weren't allowed to have computers or any type of normal connection with the rest of the world. And in response to Havre.Mt.A Latter Day Saint, you say 'our' churches were founded on the whims of a man. What, precisely do you propose your founder Joseph Smith is then?

And can someone please teach EJPII about the proper use of the english language. This is what I find most abominable.

03/16/2000 - anon
Why don't the people at this site start a site describing their beliefs instead of the things that they don't believe in? That would be a much nobler venture than this attempt at humor and offense to LDS. I am LDS and if you start a site like that, then I will go and read what you have to say and consider it with all due respect. I hope that in time you will again be able to have a personal relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

03/05/2000 - anon
I'd rather be a Mormon going to hell than a non-Mormon who doesn't know where the hell he is going! Quote from Uncle Golden.

03/01/2000 - MacStyle13@aol.com
This site sucks and should be trashed....... Who ever made this needs to get a life and just leave us alone!!!!

03/01/2000 - Peter@masterbationrecovery.org
I must say that the message posted by anon who non-hatefully wished you to "DIE DIE DIE!" changed my life. In it he gave the priceless words of wisdom: "I have warned you-- even if it is false, why take a chance, you are still better off living it!!!!"

What beautiful logic! I can and will receive an answer to my prayers that a church is true and even if this answer turns out to be bogus emotional willies WHY RISK IT? I have taken this new-found life philosophy to heart and have joined as many as 362 religions and every day seek out to join another. Why gamble at the spiritual roulette board with only one number when you can put your money on every one?!

I have decided to dedicate my life helping others to do as I have done. You may visit my website at www.outsmartgod.com or email me at whocaresabouttruth@don'ttakechances.com.

I ask you to stop making fun of one of the many religions I now happen to be a member of. If I was a member of only one religion I may be able to take the jokes that come with it, but having to bear all the jokes resulting from ALL these religions makes me really insecure.

Oh, and one more thing. Since you no longer believe, it is obvious to me that you have been with a prostitute and committed adultery which is all a result of masterbating to internet pornography. Stop your sinning... pray, pay and obey... and you will know that God lives on Kolob.

I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

03/01/2000 - Peter@masterbationrecovery.org I just want to say that I checked back four and a half seconds after I submitted my "hate mail" and saw that it wasn't posted. It is obvious to me that you are dishonest and are going to hell.

Because of this, I dust my feet at you and condemn you to eternal suffering at the behest of Lucifer, yea even Master Mahem. And I curse you to a lonely and dreary life of wanderings as a hairy beast of black flesh, yea that your posterity will be similarly cursed with black flesh and sold into slavery, with God's blessings, and to be hated and spit upon by God's holy servants, yea verily up until that day when it is umpopular to hate and spit upon people that don't look like you, at which day God, even the great "I Am", will change his mind and remove the curse... at which day many books will be written by God's appointed, justifying the heretofore curse upon thine posterity, which books will cause much emabarrasement to the members of God's Incorporation. Yea, and I seal these blessing upon you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

02/29/2000 - anon
I don't hate you, I hate what you do. I love the sinner and hate the sin (any more cliches you wanna hear?!!) ;-)

Actually, I am LDS (staunch), done the mission thing, temple thing etc. I only have to believe what is true--everything else is bunk. I hope you only believe what is true too--what the hell, believe what you want, I don't care (really).

If I hear crap, I treat it as such. A lot of things said from pulpits in the LDS church is "crap", said by people who repeat bigotry and "Im-a betta than you-a" theology. God is not well pleased with His church, so it's time to spank it--hard!

Actually, I laugh my head off on sites like these. They're great! Keep it up, for I am convinced the LDS church is the true church of God. If it wasn't, the members and leaders would have destroyed it LOOOONG ago!

Peace be unto you.

02/29/2000 - anon
Wanted to buy:
Good quality seer stone, white hat and scribe with an IQ of four. Will visit with God (He talks through a hatted rock, as any spiritual person knows), start a corporation and sell books and flashy, funky happening underwear. No ball caps or ordinary garden variety rocks.

02/29/2000 - Gordon B Hinckley's PR
"The church stands as an anchor in a world of shifting values.."
"We are not a weird people.."

02/23/2000 - anon
I don't want a planet. Or a whole bunch of wives. A golf course would be swell, preferably a mountain course with elevated tees. What do you have to do to get rewarded with, say, a marina? You can have my planet. Where did anyone get the idea that a planet was a good goal? They're big and unwieldy. They smack into each other occasionally. I don't want that. You can have my planet.

02/22/2000 - k80dennis
I can tolorate the non mormons mocking the religion, but for the x-mormons I think it is very sad. Deep down you know the church is true, and I am willing to bet that you got excommunucated from the church and that is why you hold such a grudge. Ask yourself whos fault it is that you are no longer a member. Grow up and learn to take responsibility for YOUR actions. If you ever had a testimony of the gospel you know what you are doing is called blasphamy. I'm sorry youare like that. I hope you come back to the truth.

02/19/2000 - malbolge@inferno.net
Jeez, why do these clowns have to keep dragging MY name into this? I've got enough to do down here finding room for TV executives without getting blamed for all of YOUR work!! You don't like spending Sunday in Church? Why you think I invented GOLF?
Love, Satan

02/19/2000 - gurupreta@xxx.com
I'm not Mormon--aside from losing a girlfriend to the guy that converted her to the LDS (and who later left her for another guy--looong story) I didn't have much of any contact with them growing up in an Irish Catholic part of Chicago. Interesting folks, though a bit odd. There's an old Catholic trick to surviving the apparent contradictions in one's faith: knowing it's bullshit but believing it anyway (the Tertullian "Credo quia impossible" stunt). I don't know if this applies to Mormons, but it always works for us. It's an odd, sad little tale you told. I hope she does alright. "Pilate saith unto him, 'what is Truth?' but did not stay to listen..."

02/17/2000 - anon
You punk-ass bastard!! Have you no respect for the Lord's one and only true corporation err.. church?? Just because Gordon B. hinkly is shamelessly promoting a book that professes to have nothing to do with church doctrine in order to mainstream the religion and sell it to the masses does not mean that you can expose him for the fraud he is!! He is our president.. Prophet!!You may not expose him even when he is wrong!! He talks to God!! Maybe just the god he thinks he hears during his schizophrenic episodes does not make him any less of a true God..

I am so angy I want to smack you!! How dare you make a mockery of this worldwide mainstream religion? I hope you burn in hell you no good apostate, and when you do, I will be laughing at you from atop of my great and spacious building.. err new world that I will create, me and my multiple wives.. Hahaha!!

02/12/2000 - pratore
This sight is terrible, how dare you tell the truth. Everthing in it is a lie and contrary to the teachings of Mao, oh I mean Smith, Yeah thats it, anyway I will part from your evil website with the sacred scripture. "and goeth unto the land of wyoming and purchase the forbidden 6% drink, lest yee sin with the 3.2 utah evil drink. If though must sin be sure that thou art annointing thyself with the good stuff. And yea verily if thou art intoxicated rub not thy loins with selfish fervor For greater is the double d queen than the evil influence of satan guiding thy hand, in josephs words amen, but better awoman.

02/12/2000 - anon
You people are all sick. These are all great and wonderful men. If you ask me I think that you should have a little respect for them. All they are here to do is to help you and keep you on the right path. But I'm guessing because you're all saying stuff like this you are all a bunch of alcoholics who have nothing better to do then make fun of our church leaders and look up porno on the internet.

02/11/2000 - anon
What in the hell is so funny about magic protective priesthood authorized vented hemi-swastika marked holy undergarments, the wearing of which guaranetees planet ownership, for sale as authorized by Jesus himself through the Corporation of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, a tax exempt not for profit corporation under IRS code 1088,74-subsection jj9, para 4-7? That seems a perfectly reasonable interpretation of the words of the Savior. And you can be damn sure it isn't funny, at all. I hate you. with the teachings of jesus

02/10/2000 - Jason 22yrs
This site is not good, I think it is the stupidest site that I have EVER been to. Editor's reply: I think this site is not good either and it is the stupidest site that I have EVER been to also. (Now if people would just quit submitting so much material, quit emailing letters and stop subscribing to Latter Day Lampoon Magazine, I could shut this puppy down and resume a perfectly normal and responsible life, just like yours, Jason.) 02/10/2000 - John D Lee
Dear Crickett; If you ever try to shut this site down like you said in your response to Jasons Hate Letter , I will ordain a band of Ex-mo danites to abduct you and they will hand you over to Darth Packer to be re baptized into the church!

02/09/2000 - anon
Why hasn't the Prophet warned us about this web site?

02/03/2000 - anon
This web site has cured me of Internet pornography and masterbation. I don't know whether to thank you or curse you.

02/01/2000 - anon
I have been using material off this website in my 14 year old Sunday School class and needless to say, attendance has shot through the roof. Its right on their maturity level, its marginally educational, and they are more than capable of defending their beliefs. My class has been so sucessful that the Bishop called me to be the Sunday School President and to attend ward correlation meeting at 7:00 a.m. every week! For this y'all ought to be damned.

01/26/2000 - anon
I think that all you skanky monkeys who want to take the mickey should go and find a life. you all suck and are missing out on the best way to live. i hope you're all jugded accordingly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

01/24/2000 - Havre.Mt A Latter Day Saint
You people are sick. You listen to what Satan teaches you through his church (ANY non-LDS Church). You fear the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints because you know that it is the true church of God and you know that you are wrong. That you do not live your life in a worthy manner and that your churches were founded under the whims of a man. The "Anglican Communion" was founded so a guy could get a divorce. The other "protestant" churches were founded so that the founders could get rich. The people's terror of the truth caused them to Murder the Prophet Joseph Smith and his brother.

This website is just more proof of your fear of the truth.
Signed,
A Latter-Day Saint
Havre.Mt@Mailcity.com

01/23/2000 - anonymous (of course)
YOUR PAGE SUCKS DEAD APE COCK GO GET FUCKED ANAL HAIR FAGGOT O YEA YOUR MOMMA GETS BUTTFUCKED BY NBUMS EVERY CUNTIN NIGHT YOU FAG GO SQOT ON A CUNTING FIRE HYDRANT HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA FAG SCUM

01/19/2000 - The Pope
I'm a Roman Catholic, and I like the site a lot. Hey, we've been bashed ever since good ole Arius back in the second century, and we've learned to live with it. I suppose Mormonism hasn't reached that maturity level yet. Oh wait...this is for hate mail only, right? Just so this letter makes the cut: YOUR MOTHER SUCKS DEAD BEARS FOR A QUARTER AND GIVES CHANGE!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK OFF FAG!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)

01/15/2000 - lisa_marcell@yahoo.com
I would like ot say this site is pitiful. I do not understand people who go around bashing other religions. Why are people so hateful against mormons? I have to think they have nothing to do with their time. If you don't believe in the mormon church, fine, suit yourself. Get over your hatred and move on with your life. Mormons do not bash other religions nor do they make up websites telling how foolish they might be for believeing what they do. In the end we'll all know the truth anyway, so why waste precious time on earth telling other people what they believe is hogwash? Get a life!

01/10/2000 - Alan
I first learned about the lies in the LDS church at the tender age of 14 (16 years ago), and I was confronted with the Tanners Book. Many of the things I had been taught were shown to be lies, and I struggled for 2 weeks. I had nightmares, I couldn't sleep, I was told by my father not to look at the books or have them in my bedroom. I was told by my bishop that not every question has an answer. I felt that I had been left alone, and that no one would help.

I really prayed, but not the mormon way...I prayed, "God, if you are there, (and if you are not, I look like an idiot kneeling here talking to the air in my bedroom, but anyway) if you are there, please tell me so.

There was nothing.

I tried to pray again. Nothing.

I prayed a 3rd time, and this time I threatened God that this was his last chance, and that if I didn't receive an answer I would have no reason to stop myself from having more fun in my life...(means, sex, alcohol, drugs, etc.) All of this from the young man who was the epitome of a good mormon young man/priesthood holder.

Still, nothing.

Then, I turned on my radio, deeply saddened, I decided to go to sleep. A song came on with the words, "You were with me all the while."

The words to the poem footsteps popped into my head and then I got the strongest impression that God Lives and Jesus Christ lives. That they loved me and that they were o.k. with the fact that I struggled.

Since that time, I have served a mission, remained active in the church, married in the temple, and etc. I have made a philosophical choice, and that choice is to believe in the gospel. Do I believe in the things I hear at church? No. I believe only in what seems right to me. I realize that what I am doing is "Believing," and not "Knowing."

I choose to believe that God is Love. That God is the perfect embodiment of all that is good, and it is up to me to find all that is good and model my life such that it reflects the God I have just defined.

Maybe I'll make another change someday. About a year after the experience I told you about, I was still filled with questions about mormonism, and I discussed my questions with my mother. She said something that stuck with me...She said that no one should be anti-mormon, but that all people should be pro-truth. I agree with that.

Religion is a funny thing, you know. You can't prove it, nor can you disprove it. One can always find errors in the things that people say, or in the ways that they act, but when it comes down to it, after all the facts, and after all the fictions, we are left with ourselves and with our beliefs. To thine own self, be true.

I realize, as do you, that the church is far from perfect. I just thought you and your readers should know that there is not only one outlet for the anger we feel upon the discovery that we have been misled. Rather, there are lots of options...running from the church is one, and I have respect for those who need to make that break. Staying with the church, and being honest, and helping those around us to do the same is another...and there are infinitely more options...

I wrote a lot of stuff...heartfelt...

Good luck to you, and if this is posted on the site, to all who read it.

Alan ahansen@gotnet.net

12/31/1999 - anon
This is in response to the "hate-mail" writer who said that Joseph Smith (and his successors)are true Prophets and if they werent God would take them. That got me thinking that God apparently HAS removed them but each time he does the Mormons just bring on another.

BTW: What is the name of the horse track in Provo?
A: "Ten-Percent Downs"

12/21/1999- EJPII
Thank-you for finally printing my letter. It just took long. Well at least you kept your word and that I commend you for. Just a note, some of the stuff you have funny, just get rid of the attacks that are mean and hurtful, and you might get a response that is positve and you might get popular with non-lds and lds alike! I mean some of us take ourselves too seriously and we need to poke fun at ourselves. So keep some of the pictures, just not the ones that are crude. Like moroni/beer thing is kinda funny, but the pitch fork one is not! Thank-you for you keeping your word! bye! EJPII

12/31/1999 - anon
Does The "P" in EPJII stand for Packer by any chance?

01/22/2000 - EJPII
no! the "p" in ejpII does not stand for packer.

12/19/1999 - BUcko4513@aol.com
I am not LDS, nor am I a member of any other organized religion. I am searching for some answers to my own beliefs about God and my place in his world, this is what brought me to this site. I am trying to find information to help me make an honest decision. It is actually kind of funny , I really have no opinion of the LDS church and yet your site has had the opposite effect of what I am sure that you intended. I am sorry to say but it is really quite pathetic. Just a thought here but have you ever thought of what caliber of people whom you may successfully reach with your feeble attempts at humor? I do want to thank you though , about the only thing funny about this place is the fact that you can find information in the funniest places. Your negativity told me volumes , so thanks.

Oh and just one little piece of advice If I may..Don't quit your day job for a career in comedy .Pathetic yes ,funny no.

12/18/1999 - anon
SSSSooooooooo I thought so, it's been a week and you still have not put up my letter! I thought you were fair . Guess not! as usual sites such as this, the only ones you bash turn away are the ones who have not studied! Oh well I thought I'd try. Just thinking one of theses might be honest to what they say ! Sorry for wasting your time thank-you! Have a nice day! A person who is LDS not Mormon! (this appears to be in reference to the 12/14/1999 letter from EJPII)

12/15/1999 - anon
You guys give me gas!

12/14/1999 - EJPII
The words that are spewed out here sheesh! The members that say the things they do is not with love nor compassion, which it should be. But I can tell from them and you that you've never truly had a testimony and theirs are weak.

And if you had doubts about your testimony and they theirs, you should have prayed about it for an answer with truly wanting the answer, not just a wondering to know the truth. He will answer if you truly want one.

But if there not an honest wanting to know then someone else might answer your prayer. And while some men are good they are not perfect and that is were we should be careful to what we believe.

Now as for being a cult, why yes we are, for if anyone would bother to pick up a dictionary, it would say that a cult follows one leader or head of an organization so I guess we are. And as for defending my beliefs on the truthfulness of the church, there's no need to. Because no matter what I say to you in logic and sound reasoning it comes down to faith. It's like trying to change one's political view, no matter what is said, and they don't know why if you press them, they won't change their views no matter if I make sense or not.

I've studied other religions and they all make good sense to a certain degree then they run into a brick wall and stop, they don't go any futher. This is the only to which if you keep looking and asking there is an answer, but it might take awhile. That is also why it is the church with the most people being converted from other denominations. Because you should always ask questions when comes to your eternal well being!

So you see I agree with some of what you are saying, but just some. I don't see the point of trying to degrade ones beliefs, if you want to do good, don't bash others religion tell us what is more correct about yours! thank-you.

12/02/1999 - James Juris - juris@hotmail.com
Why not send a humorous hate-mail to set the tone!
HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE! HATE!
Probably the most friendly hatemail you will ever get! *Laugh*

11/25/1999 - anon
Pardon me for wanderin in here but I just cant figure out how a person can say something aint hate mail when he previously tells you "die die die". By the way, is "open" synonomous with "gullible"

11/19/1999 - anon
DIE DIE DIE!
Mormonism is true and you should go to HELL, nto just the Telestial Kingdom, for putting this awful site on the web! I hope you learn your lesson! Did you ever stop to think about hurting people's testimonies? Even if you have gone apostate, you shouldn't try to take others with weak testimonies of the true and living gospel of Jesus Christ!

I know that Joseph Smith was a Prophet, and that our current Prophet leads the church with the TRUTH, the only true church, and if he didn't, then God would take him from power. He cannot lead us astray! I think you are just trying to justify your own sins, whatever they are, by hurting the Church.

I suggest you pick up the BOM again, with an open heart and read it wityh prayer and acceptance. If you ever had a testimony, you will feel the burning in your bosom again, and you will repent and take down this site. If not, I have warned you-- even if it is false, why take a chance, you are still better off living it!!!!

This is not hate mail, just because you say it is. Even Jesus got angry and rebuked the sellers at the temple.

11/13/1999 - Pernilla
If this site is a reflection of you, I feel for you! To much negative energies going on here! You might want to try to exchange them for some positive ones, like the love from Jesus Christ!

11/07/1999 - anon
do you have any idea of garments?? I think you are very ignorant and I wonder if you have brain because you are not telling the truth

11/06/1999 - anon
I am not a member of the Mormon Church. I am infact, a Roman Catholic. Nevertheless, I find it very immature to mock a religion (almost just for the fun of it). There is nothing wrong with being anti-mormon, but rather then posting genres that mock, how about using your intellect through reason? What's wrong with the LDS church? Just explain.

11/03/1999 - john bingham jupurulla@hotmail.com
If you're a member of the church, you're blasphemous and light minded. If you're not a member of the church then you ought to spend your time in more adult, mature ways.

11/03/1999 - Ferron Sonderegger
Sorry for your sick attitude about our religion. Too bad your self-esteem is so low you must stoop to sick and filthy things on the internet to try to build yourself up. In truth, you have only shown your smallness as a typical person in today's world. Hope someday you find whatever you are looking for (maybe a brain?). It matters not what you believe, because all the prophecies that have been given in the Bible and The Book of Mormon will come true regardless of you. In the end, if you have not chosen God, whatever you have chosen will not matter. Get a life!

10/22/1999 - anon
most valuable GA = You are dispicable!!! Where does your hate stem from??? I pity you and your need to make others miserable, because the only one who is miserable as a result of this is yourself. May you find mercy in the Lord!!

10/20/1999 - Alice
This is bull!

04/18/2001 - TORBYN1FAN@aol.com

not impressed with your reviews....... and certainly not you personally! you are missing out on a valuable aspect of life.... namely, FAITH