Hmmm. So, the temple endowment is a "restoration" of things from ancient Israel??? OH, REALLY! Then why are the male participants arrayed like 1800's Highlanders in their bonnets and green fig-leaf kilt-aprons?
It is so cathartic to read others' experiences. I too feel so let down by the "wonders" of the temple. My husband is a TBM (True Believing Mormon), and I pretend to be, but it is hard to pretend when I can't STAND what is supposed to be the epitome of Mormonism. Anyway, I have always wondered and fantasized about doing one of these things in there.
1. raising my hand when they say is anyone not ready to proceed (or whatever the heck they say at the beginning)
2. REFUSING to put the veil over my face. What would they do? Handcuff and lead me out? Dig thru my belongings and get my recommend?
3. Tapping the hammer three times, then just blazing through the veil Makes me smile just to think about doing it!!!!
Joseph Smith with Ed Decker? A righteous prick. - 02/27/2003 - anon
A famous science fiction author and a General Authority = J.R.R. Token - 07/20/2002 - Isaac Asimov
Toll gate employee and poster board = Stand Outside The Temple Grounds with a large sign that reads... "NEED TOKENS" - 07/20/2002
Visitor from a foreign planet who accidentally winds up in the temple? A: "The Extra-Celestial" - 05/04/2002 - anon
Good hash brownies on Elohim's home world = Getting High to Kolob - 04/13/2002 - Sister Mary Whanna
Gordon B. Hinckley and a water cooler=Gordon B. Hinckley & Schmidt - 01/29/2002 - anon
An Osmond with the Pope...Domoni Osmand - 05/20/2001 - anon
BYU Police with a customized military vehicle from a 1960's TV adventure show - "DeseRAT Patrol" - 10/19/2000 - anon
What do you get when you cross a pompous, bloated jack-ass with an under-educated, overly made-up breeding female? Eternal bliss. (Ignorance is bliss). - 10/05/2000 - L. Snell, Sacramento, CA
A selfrighteous True Believing Morman (TBM> woman with a McCaulay Culkin movie = Molly Alone
Orrin Hatch with Stephen King = Holy Horror
A Triple Concordance with an outdoor latrine = finally! A use for word of gawd. - 09/20/2000 - R.T.P.
It is a historical fact that Joseph Smith had a young Black woman sealed to him, not as a wife and not as a daughter, but as his servant. What a concept: Eternal Slavery!
If any of you out there really can not imagine this Black slave woman waiting on an exalted Joseph Smith forever in the exsistance beyond this life, then how can we be so damn certain about our own marriage and sealing for time and all eternity? I am an active Mormon and things like this bug the hell out of me. Cows and pigs, a little bit wierd but I can handle it. Slaves? - 04/24/2000 - anon
LDS President Hinckley with The Scottish Highland Festival: "Clan Gordon" - 01/24/2000 - Brigham Smith
What do you get when you cross the Masons with the
The Great, Grand, and Illustrious Salt Lake Lodge of the Utah Rite. - 01/15/2000 - anon
What do you get when you cross the Angel Moroni
with an all-night diner?
The Golden Plate Special - 01/10/2000 - Brigham Smith
President Hinckley with the oldest and most famous Eyptian statue and an anus? The Sphinxter.
a dog with a Joseph Smith = a golden retriever
a Paul H. Dunn with a Boyd K Packer = "Fudge Packer"
a Seagull with Mark Hoffman = a jailbird
the National Rifle Association with the top Mormon multi-level marketer = Gordon B. Heston or Charlton B. Hinckley
the Mormon Tabernacle Choir with the Twerling Dervishes = The Spinners
Gladys Knigt with The Hammer = Sister Sledge
Gasoline and Gordon Hinckley with a lit cigarette = Flash Gordon
a healthy stone and a sherpa with Senator Hatch = Orrin Porter Rockwell
Bill Gates with Gordon B. Hinckley = Microsaint Corporation
Stephen King with Joseph Smith = The Scammower Man or The Law Move Over Man
Spanish flies and Viagra with twelve Nigerians = The Swarm of the Twelve Aphrodisiacs
Gordon B. Hinckley with a King Cobra: a prophet that speaks in "forked" tongues
a lemming, penguin and funny undies with a Book of Mormon = a mormon missionary
Howard Stern with J. Golden Kimball = one righteous asshole
Microsoft with the mormom church = Windows1800 - Lise 07/20/1999