Support the Relief Society - We proclaim helping our fellow sisters and brothers and bringing relief from your problems (the following exclusions apply - we do NOT help Protestants, Catholics, Jews, Hindus, Moslems, blacks, people who refuse to prostitue themselves to our cult ... oh Hell, us Relief Society dirt-bags cannot remember all the others who are excluded but we know they are there) - 01/13/2009 - Anonymous Critic
God is so a man! - response to "anti" Mormon protesters - 03/04/2008 - oohawewow
The hens are clucking. - 12/10/2007 - from anon
Hey! - When you have all of those wives, you're bound to find one in a good mood when you get home! - 07/24/2005 - from yrubeetred
In temple toilet stall: Here I sit all broken hearted, thought I felt the Spirit but only farted." - 07/23/2005 - Gordy
"My Jesus is better than your Jesus." - 05/22/2005 - from your friendly cult member
Darwinists Against Misled Mormons (DAMM)
"Friends Don't Let Friends Get Dunked!" - 02/13/2005 - from JesusChrysler
Wholiness of the Lord? Huh.... Whoredom of the Lord. - 02/12/2005 - exmo morgbot
The Mormon Church, where we teach our holier than thou, to f**k their felow man over 6 days a week. (But they go to church on Sunday so they are forgiven) Sad but True! - 12/25/2004 - from Mormons bite
I came to pass. Wind.
I came to pass. On this one.
I came to pass. Please keep in the right lane.
I came to pass. Now pass to the other player.
I came to pass. Isn't it yellow?
It came to pass. And it's passed history now. - 09/12/2004 - from passty faced white bhoy
Do you know why there are no crosses in the Mormon Church?
Because they're Vampires. - 06/05/2004 - yrubeetred
P.S. They also keep all the STAKES to themselves. - 07/02/2004 - meme
Temple Workers of the World Unite, you have nothing to lose but your brains! - 05/22/2004 - Top Marx
Arbeit Macht Frei - (Work Brings Freedom) was the sign over the gates of Auschwitz. - 05/09/2004 - Gemütlichkeiter
"The Hoax of the Morg"
"Hokiness to the Lord"
"The Club of Joseph Smith of Modern-period Followers" - 05/08/2004 - Brian-the-Christ
Abandon hope, all ye that enter here. - 05/08/2004 - Vera
No tithing. No tokens. No exaltation. - 05/08/2004 - Curioser
Just got my temple card, but I'm disappointed. They didn't teach me the secert handshake and there's no decoder ring! - 03/22/2003 - anon
What would Scooby Doo?
Lord save me from your followers!
Thank God I'm atheist
(No problem - signed the Lard) - 03/09/2004 - anon
WWJD - Who Wants Jack Daniels? - 02/28/2004 - Sara
Tour Guide: ...and Brigham Young was inspired to have these wide streets here in Salt Lake City, knowing one day the Church would buy Main Street and put a parking garage underground. - 11/26/2003 - from Dunn but not forgotten
Yeah, I believe in polygamy...I'm married to rosie and her 5 sisters. - 11/26/2003 - anon
Michael Jackson became "White and Delightsome" and wasn't even a member of the church.
Do you think they will baptize "big nose" for the dead after he gets killed in prison? - 11/02/2003 - anon
Q:What do Rastafarians and Mormons have in common?
A:"More-mon!" - 11/19/2003 - anon
So if Morms call non-Mormons "gentiles", should't it be proper for us to call them "genitals"(a polite word for "pricks")? - 11/06/2003- from Younger Led-her-man
The toilet is NOT to be used as a baptismal font. --The Mo'Management - 09/27/2003 - from SWS
Satan Loves Me This I Know For The High Priest Tells Me So. -- JG.
Does It Hurt To Have "Spirit Children"? -- JG.
Jesus Don't Give A Shit - Just Look Around You! - 09/25/2003 - JG.
Follow the Profit, at all cost~! - 09/20/2003 - from P.T.Brigham
"Butch Cassidy was RIGHT!" - 09/13/2003 - anon
What's the difference between French baking and a Mormon missionary?
One is a "Croque Monsieur", the other just talks a lot of crock, Monsieur. - 08/22/2003 - from Nephihaha
I BAPTISE DEAD PEOPLE - 07/20/2003 - anon
Scribbled On The Bathroom Temple Wall:
Here is sit in God's own house
Left a big one and got a douse
Now I'm wet, balls and bone
for desecrating God's own throne - 07/11/2003 - truthvrserror
Here I sit with name in hand
Oops, no TP...looks like he'll be damned - 07/11/2003 - truthvrserror
As I sat here reading this shit room art
I suddenly cut loose with a tremendous fart
It shook the plaster from off of the walls
And burned all the hair off my goddamn balls! - 07/11/2003 - Wag
Here I sit with Apron, Sash, and Robe
Oh oh, now it's caught in the commode
The waters of Mormon over floweth
Just my luck, wouldn't you knoweth
Now the stains of this generation
are upon me and my triple combination - 07/11/2003 - truthvrserror
Here I sit before my session
trying to avoid a bad impression
So when Peter, James, and John appear
I won't greet them with a loud Bronx Cheer - 07/11/2003 - truthvrserror
Here I sit in a rented jump suit
How the heck do you work the poop chute? - 07/11/2003 - Peter You Know
Here I sit broken hearted,
tried to sh*t but only farted,
the veil, the robes, the pleated sash
it got all tied up 'round my ass
So here I sit all in distress
It's taking too damn long to undress! - 07/11/2003 - anon for now
Here I sit to do #2
God has a body of flesh and poo too - 07/11/2003 - Peter Repeater
Her I sit; oh no, the music's started!
Gotta get my veil unparted
So I can be a covenant maker
Trailing clouds of toilet paper - 07/11/2003 - Peter Repeater Repeater
Her I sit before baptizing the dead
my heart is heavy and full of dread.
Is there chlorine in the font? Will God kill the germs?
Have any kids peed in there? Will I get worms?
Bare feet and bodies humongous!
Gad zooks, there's a fungus among us!
Faithless I am. The Priesthood is here!
The power of God will cleanse this verneer.
So while I finished the paperwork
it occured to me it's one big joke.
My ancestors don't care if we get sick, they're already dead, stupid Dick! - 07/11/2003 - truthvserror
Here I sit thinking of Boyd K. Packer
trying not to touch my talley whacker - 07/11/2003 - Semenary Teacher
Here I sit thinking pure thoughts
for only they who are clean and without spot
can be here, but something is wrong because Peter and James are both in the John - 07/11/2003 - Peter Master Bleater
Here I sit all broken hearted;
Tried to shit, but only farted! - 07/08/2003 - jg
Here I sit spreading my garments;
Tried to shit, but only got flames and flatulence.
Here I sit with my Jesus Jamies spread;
Tried to shit, but played with my lil' factory instead - 07/08/2003 - cricket
Jesus saves! (But Ronaldo scores on the rebound!) - 07/09/2003 - from Soccer Fan
Boyd K. Packer Touched My Little Factory!
Boyd K. Packer Made Me Touch His VERY TINY Factory!
Q: What Were Jesus' Last Words On The Cross?
A: Jesus Christ This Hurts Like A Son Of A Bitch! - 07/05/2003 - jg
Jesus saves souls and redeems them for valuable cash and prizes.
Hmmm what's a good tax exempt scam? I"VE GOT IT. Quote by convicted con-man early 1800's - 06/05/2003 - Yosuf of Nazerith
The best thing about summer in Utah is leaving the God Forsaken State!! Imagine being trusted to drink more than beer and not being in a private club!! - 06/04/2003 - anon
I went to a Church Disciplinary Council and all I got was this stupid T-Shirt. - 06/02/2003 - Joe
"Nietzsche is dead" - Gordon
"God is dead" - Nietzsche - 05/04/2003 - anon
Jesus wants me for a laser beam - 05/02/2003 - from Nephihaha on Battlestar Galatica
Q: What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Mormon missionary?
A: Somebody who knocks on your door for no appearant reason. - 04/12/2003 - from Bring'em Young
The President and his 12 have contracted SARS... Sudden Atrophied Revelation Syndrome - 04/11/2003 - P.T. Brigham
If you can't trust them with their history, how can you trust them with your exhaltation? - 04/11/2003 - anon
I wasn't going to touch that Elizabeth Smart forecast, damn, now it's come
back to haunt me. G.B. Hinkley
President and CEO That's the ticket!!!
"I speak for God" -- Joseph Smith "Hmmm ... guess I'll put an end to that." -- God
Q: What don't Mormons recognize? A: Each other in Las Vegas.
Found a metal inscribed plate today. There were two angels standing on it. I approached them and found their names to be Uma and Thurman. Later revelation proved they were two hookers standing on a man-hole cover. So, where do I file to become a church?
In poker, does a pair of dead prophets beat a live prophet?
Kolob Kola. Take a trip without the caffein!
Too many heavens. So where's Jesus going to be hangin' out anyway?
God likes his coffee black. However, He's still not too sure about the priesthood.
Q: If you dropped "The Prophet" and the Moroni statue off the top of the
temple (at the same time of course), which one would hit temple square
A: Who cares?
What does a GA and a queball have in common? The harder you hit 'em, the more English you get out of 'em. - 03/29/2003 - from Bring'em Young
Jesus is coming! Quick, everybody look busy. - 03/26/2003 - from Bring'em Young
Lay down your garments, and pick up the cross. - 03/20/2003 - anon
Humor the old men, they think I talk to them! - God - 03/07/2003 - anon
Restrain The Bretheran! - 03/03/2003 - anon
"IF I HAD A HAMMER..." - from Peter Paul and Jack - 01/22/2003
Knock, Knock, Knock....
What is wanted?
I Boyd K Packer having been true and faithful wish to speak with the Lord, through the veil.
What is that?
What is what?
Sorry Boyd...He says he never knew you, and by the way use the door next time. - 12/13/2002 - anon
"The truth is out there" But unfortunately only the cigarette smoking man and president Hinkley know what it is. World domintation by the mormons. - 11/24/2002 - anon
Hey Join My Church, You dont have to be white and delightsom, or straight, And I only ask for 5% of your income! - 11/23/2002 - from sickboy
For all you do, His blood's for you. - 11/07/2002 - anon
I know why only men can hold the priesthood, replace the word penis for priesthood whenever it is referred to and see what I mean, "only a man can hold the priesthood" "when a man and woman are married they share the priesthood" - 06/02/2002 - anon
Name change- Cult of Joesph Smith of Latter-Day Hypocrites - 06/02/2002 - anon
And if we were in India, we would call ourselves the pagoda of Buddha of latter-day sages
Jesus: "I see...So what is your faith again?" - 05/26/2002 - from Goon
Benefits of giving up the Mormon Church, ten percent raise and sundays off - 05/24/2002 - anon
But Moroni had no temple garments when Joseph first saw him. - 05/20/2002 - anon
Home of the Genital Authorities! - 05/19/2002 - Elder Masters & Elder Johnson
Ah, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow... if only I'd known it was scripture. - 04/24/2002 - from Leprechaun O' Murphy
Reportedly spray painted on the wall circling the Mormon Temple compounD outside of Wash D.C. on the Beltway for all the commuters to see:
SURRENDER DOROTHY!! - 04/13/2002 - from Skunk Puppet
I can affirm the "Surrender Dorothy" graffiti claim. I served a mission in that area. It had been painted over, but you could still tell it had been there. - 11/08/2002 - anon
Oral is Moral - 02/17/2002 - anon
I was abducted to go to Kolob, and the Kolobites speak klingon language - 02/17/2002 - Ed
I dont know why all of you blaspheme against my damned freaking church! -2/17/2002 - "winkman"
Home of Hinkley's Henchmen - 02/17/2002 - from P.T. Brigham
Sex is Evil and Sex is Sin, But Sin is forgiven, So Sex is in! " - 02/15/2002 -Snorkman "
Wouldn't it be wonderful if it were only true...? 01/27/02 -anon
My Priesthood is bigger than yours. - 12/08/2001 - from Sigmund Fraud
My God drinks coffee. - 12/07/2001 - anon
So this is the "Stairway to Kolob, oops Heaven." - 12/06/2001 - Led Zeppelin
Brigham Young slept here...with Eliza...with Mary...with Fanny...with Ruth ...with Maude...with Zina...with Sarah... - 12/05/2001 - Tom Green
The LDS is an equal opportunities baptizer - we baptise both dead Jews and dead Nazis. - 12/03/2001 - from (too dodgy to leave name!)
The Mormons, the "other" Christian sect - 10/15/2001 - anon
Support the 2002 Olympics!! Another message from the Mormons, er, LDS, er, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. - 10/15/2001 - anon
Walk like a Reformed Egyptian - 09/27/2001 - from Bangalore
The Mark of The Beast: L V - 06/17/2001 - P.T. Brigham
Going out of Buisness! Everything must Go. We have everything you need for that Secret ceremonial occasion! - 06/17/2001 - Psycho TBM
Joe Smith's got that ol' black magic. - 06/13/2001 - P.T. Brigham
Dorothy, we're not in Kansas anymore! - 06/06/2001 - anon
Kil-Joy was here! - 05/29/2001 - anon
We baptize dead Jews!
- 05/13/2001 - anon
Competent Prophets equals Corporate profits. - 12/28/2000 - anon
If you can read this then you should know your church is Satan's home. Look at the pentagrams above the door. Duh. - 12/05/2000 - from Utah with love
Mormon parents would rather have a dead child than a gay child.......a lot of them get their wish - 10/25/2000 - Oberon0101@planetout.com
Stan and Kyle were here. -10/10/2000 - anon
I love my mommy and daddy.......... - 10/04/2000 - anon
Fail'n Fallin' Down Oaks Wuz Here - 10/04/2000 - L Snell, Sacramento, CA
Who says a man cannot serve two masters: The Mormon Church and the IRS. - 09/25/2000 - Blash
Got this gay neighbor. Was visited by two peach-fuzz elders. But that was OK: he said he's fine with the mormon thing -- he's all for anything with "moremen" in it! - 09/04/2000 - anon
JESUS IS COMING! And he damn well better wash the sheets when he's through. - 09/04/2000 - anon
And here I thought "Hyrum" was the thing that women have before they lose their virginity! - 08/23/2000 - anon
Got a Burning in the Bosom? Use Maalox!
- 08/23/2000 - The Chronicler Herself
Ogazmo wasn't here but choda boy was.
If Christ is coming how come Joseph is AWOL?
Don't let the temple door hit ya where the good lord split ya. See ya in INDEPENDENCE.
Please dont talk the talk anymore just walk the walk.
There is no place like home (INDEPENENCE MO)
So get the hell going already
where the hell is Kolob?
Moroni said to tell you that there was bad LSD at the party. sorry it took almost 6000 years to tell you
Karl Malone is my favorite Lamanite
You can bet your ass Joesph Smith would've been
in favor of gun control
- 08/16/2000 - from utah with love
Prozac isn't the answer!
Prozac is the QUESTION!
YES is the answer! - 06/21/2000 - anon
"Matthew 5:30* your CTR ring finger" -
04/28/2000 - chicostick
* And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish ,and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. Matthew 5:30
After that last remark, everyone departed. Course, God, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost, never were present! - 05/05/2000 - anon
Vote "Yes" on "No." - 04/15/2000 - anon
Legalize Polygamy! Vote YES on prop 341
Don't trust any general authority under 79. - 03/27/2000 - BrighamSmith
Here I kneel broken hearted.
Got baptized but not exalted - 03/22/2000 - Brigham Smith
Here I kneel broken hearted
So why not have I to Kolob departed? - 03/22/2000 - Captain Kirk
Whats Next? Prop 99? - 03/21/2000 - anon
Quorum of the 69 - 03/16/2000 - anon
When can I get my second wife? Elder I B. Horny - 03/15/2000 - anon
WWDD- What Would Darwin Do - 03/06/2000 - anon
Question General Authorities! - 02/29/2000 - "Mighty Joe" Smith
YES on Prop. 69! - 02/04/2000 - anon
Dont Californicate Utah (And VICE-VERSA!)- 02/03/2000 - anon
Holiness To The Underwear - 02/03/2000 - anon
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the ONLY true church on the earth - -1/24/2000 = anon
God is coming, and She is pissed! - 01/23/2000 - anon
Scrawled across the temple wall were the words, "Question Everything!" A couple of days later someone added one word... "Why?" - 01/22/2000 - anon
Boyd K Packer was here! - 01/22/2000 - anon
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