Hinckley: All those who have sent a resignation letter to Greg Dodge, show by the usual sign. - 08/21/2005 - anon
Speaker: After reading Grant Palmer's, "An insider's view of Mormon origins", who believes Joseph made the whole thing up? - 07/09/2005 - Doubting Thomas Monson
Speaker: All those in favor of kicking Boyd K Packer's worthless bigoted ass out of the Quroum of the Twelve please signify by the usual sign. - 07/09/2005 - Tommy Monson
Speaker: Even though Pope John Paul II was an extraordinary man of faith, vision and intellect, please indicate by the show of hand if you still believe the Catholic Church is the Great and Abominable Church spoken of in the Book of Mormon, the Whore of all the Earth, and totally lacking of authority to represent God on Earth. - 04/04/2005 - anon
Top Caption: Hinckley slams door on would be complainers
Speaker: Now repeat after me: I (fill in your name) promise never to research Church history before 1978, or to question anything that sounds "made up" or odd, or ask hard questions like, "Why are there so many versions of the First Vision?" or...
Bottom Caption: International Damage Control - 04/30/2004 - Michael St. James
Speaker: All right! I confess. I was the third gunman on the grassy knoll. - 04/30/2004 - Brooke
Speaker: If you have posted anonymous compaints against the Church, its teachings, its leadership and its history on the www.exmormon.org bulletin board, please manifest by the uplifted hand. - 04/20/2004 - Matthew
Top Caption: Dirty deeds done dirt cheap
Speaker: Everyone who's had sex with sister Crumpet, please raise your right hand.
Bottom Caption: The day Sister Crumpet had to leave the meeting. - 04/30/2004 - Brooke
Top Caption: Having realized that he is failing entirely to pronounce actual prophecy Hinckley improvises
Speaker: You put your right hand in... You put your right hand out... You do the Hokey Pokey... - 04/30/2004 - Jason the Mason
Top Caption: The confessional is now open
Speaker: How many of you have abused innocent people? - 04/30/2004 - Lady in Red
Speaker: How many of you wear depends? Please show by the usual sign. - 03/30/2004 - anon
Top Caption: Esteemed members of the Appalachian Familial Society, Utah Branch
Speaker: Will everyone here, who has at least one family member with twelve or more fingers, raise your right hand. - 03/30/2004 - Cactus Man
Top Caption: Elder Hans Christian Andersen leads General Conference in "Sharing Time"
Speaker: All those who believe the Empreror, oops, I mean President Hinckley has no clothes on, please show by the usual sign. - 03/30/2004 - cricket
Top Caption: The American Heart Association recently announced that heart disease due to obesity is quickly overtaking smoking as the number one preventable cause of death in the nation
Speaker: Everyone who suffer from high cholesterol and heart disease due to not following the Word of Wisdom advice about avoiding meat except during times of famine please indicate by raising the right hand.
Bottom Caption: Church leaders consider converting their large cattle ranches into organic soybean farms. - 03/30/2004 - anon
Top Caption: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em
Speaker: All in favor of us becoming Pentacostal, indicate by raising your right hand. And if the Spirit moves you, raise your left hand as well.
Bottom Caption: After year of denial, the Church leadership finally admits that the Mormon Church is NOT the fastest growing religion on the planet. - 03/30/2004 - anon
Top Caption: What General Authorities actually discuss in their secret Thursday meetings
Speaker: All those who have used Viagra, or its generic equivalent, please signify by the uplifted sign. - 03/30/2004 - Helaman
Top Caption: Boyd KKK Packer is sustained as the new prophet
Speaker: Sieg Heil! Heil Packer! - 02/25/2004 - Steve Powell
Top Caption: In an effort to cut down on meetings the Church institutes large group confessional meetings
Speaker: Everyone who has ever masturbated to Internet porn raise your hand. - 02/24/2004 - anon
Top Caption: Paranoia and denial of the first order
Speaker: As long as we keep our right hands raised, no fiery darts of the Evil One, no anti-Mormon lies and no opposition of any kind can touch us!
Bottom Caption: The day they realized that protective garments were not enough - 02/25/2004 - Windsong
Top Caption: To progress the Church's goal to appear more mainstream to the other Christian churches, the Mormon First Presidency announces that uplifted hands will replace reverence and contemporary praise music will replace the traditional hymns
Speaker: For now we will just raise up our right hand and when Heavenly Fathers feels us ready and worthy, we can lift both hands up to Him.
Bottom Caption: Another revelation is spoken by the mouth of the Prophet. - 02/25/2004 - Matthew
Top Caption: Rocket scientist convention in Salt Lake City
Speaker: Okay. Very good. Now raise your other left hand. - 02/25/2004 - Blash
Top Caption: Pressure builds during Tabernacle marathon
Speaker: Would all those of you who have to pee so bad you're not sure you can hold it until the closing prayer, please so indicate by the usual sign. Now those who have already peed your pants, by the same sign. - 02/25/2005 - Blash
Top Caption: The Mormon Church wins world record for conducting the world's largest Hokey Pokey routine while seated. Thousands were moved to tears at this display of the Church's increasing prominence in world affairs.
Speaker: You puts your right out and you shakes it all about...
Bottom Caption: New public relations initiative puts Church in Guiness World Record Book - 02/15/2004 - Perry Noid
Speaker: How many times did I lie in my last interview? That's right - five! - 02/10/2004 - Moablo
Speaker: Repeat after me: This is my left hand, this is my left hand..
Bottom Caption: The reality shifting exercise was progressing well. Next the members would be convinced that black is white, lies are truth and that Gordon B Hinckley is a prophet and the most handsome man on the planet. - 02/10/2004 - Stray Mutt
Top Caption: Mr. Clean
Speaker: See, no hair in my palm. - 02/04/2004 - Peter Doubt
Top Caption: General Authorities react as Hinckley walks into the Conference Center
Speaker: Heil Hinckley! - 02/02/2004 - MySongAngel
Top Caption: General Authorities follow the prophet in all things
Speaker: Oh for God's sake. I was just waving at that man's lovely wife. Put your hands down! - 02/02/2004 - MySongAngel
Speaker: Simon says, "Put your right thumb to your right ear." - 01/20/2004 - Kathi
Top Caption: What really should happen at General Conference
Speaker: Beam me up Scotty! There is no intelligent life down here. - 01/20/2004 - anon
Top Caption: Conference of Mormon authors
Speaker: Everyone who has profited from their position in the Church by writing mindless commentaries on the truthfulness of the Church raise your hand. - 01/25/2004 - anon
Top Caption: How far we've really come
Speaker: Never in human history has owning up to passing major gas been on such a grand scale. But it must be remembered that I raised my hand in admission first. - 01/10/2004 - Miss Fur Lee
Top Caption: Annual swap-a-wife General Conference orgy
Speaker: All those in favor of me plowing Sister Monson please raise your right hand. - 01/10/2004 - Joseph Smith
Top Caption: The current state of free thought behind the Zion Curtain
Speaker: Simon says, "All old white guys raise their right hand."
Bottom Caption: Stalin had this kind of support also. - 01/10/2004 - anon
Speaker: Now I want everyone in this room to examine your conscience before Heavenly Father and tell the truth. Who played with their little factory this morning? - 01/10/2004 - anon
Top Caption: In an attempt to identify apostates in the congregation President Hinckley administers a pop quiz
Speaker: How many versions of the First Vision are there? 1, 2, 3, 4, or 5?
Bottom Caption: Members who failed the test were asked to attend a court of love so they could repent of their mistake. - 01/10/2004 - anon
Speaker: Raise your hand if you have ever lied while standing at this pulpit. - 01/10/1004 - anon
Top Caption: New doctrine canonized at General Conference
Speaker: God has revealed to me that gay marriage is now acceptable... but only if it's polygamous.
Bottom Caption: Scene from the near future- 01/10/2004 - anon
Top Caption: What I want from the Brethren
Speaker: ... the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God. Each of you bow you head and say yes.
Bottom Caption: That will do. - 01/10/2004 - Buffalo Bill Shakespeare
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