Joseph Smith Preaching to the Lamanites Scene - SlamToons Creative Captions

Add your own captions to the Joseph Smith Preaching to the Lamanites Scene. FYI and for background - underneath the painting is a photograph of the actual display plaque for visitors to the Museum of Church History and Art where the painting hangs. Actual dimensions of this huge painting are about 8' by 14'. Checkout your competition below.

The genesis for the Word of Wisdom - Joseph Smith and the Mormons attending a Lamanite mixer

Joseph: No, shit, featherheads, I really DID see God!

Standing Indian: No more of the peace pipe for him.

Sitting Indian: Funny, I don't FEEL Jewish. - 07/10/2005 - Helamonster


Joseph goes in search of material for a new book of scripture.

Joseph: Yes, you in the back what is your idea?

Standing Indian: Story about false prophet being scalped by "dark filthy & loathsome savages"?

Sitting Indian: We'd be happy to act it out for you! - 03/30/2005 - anon


Joseph Preaching to the Lamanites

Joseph: “For behold, thus sayeth the Lord, the time is now come that the Lamanites shall again become a white and delightsome people. Therefore, give unto my servant, Joseph, your virgins, your daughters, your wives, and your mothers; yeah, verily every living thing which may receive his seed, give it unto him; that ye may become a white and delightsome people before the Lord.” - 06/29/2005 - from Elder Zelph


Joseph brings history to the American Indians

Joseph: So, you are all really Jews!

Standing Indian: Oy, vey! What a schmuck!

Sitting Indian: Does this goyum shlemiel really expect us to swallow that dreck? Kush meer in tokhes! - 03/30/2005 - AxelDC


Early Settlement of Castro Street

Joseph: "Tiptoe thru the tulips, thru the tulips.."

Standing Indian: And your mother sure dressed you funny, too.

Sitting Indian: White man got falsetto like Casterati! - 03/21/2005 - anon


"BaloneySkin Sees Through Another White Man."

Joseph: "I tell you that you are special. We will never lie to you. Never cheat you or rob you of your land."

Standing Indian: "Yeah, Yeah...just like the rest of the peckerwoods."

Sitting Indian: "Oh I know it..and what's up with that funky underwear ?!" - 03/20/2005 - from bigtime Joseph: ...and that is why we are so much better than you.

Standing Indian: He's been on one too many vision quests, that's what I say.

Sitting Indian: Yeah, a few too many hits of the peace pipe, eh Joseph? - 03/03/2005 - from Jaeld


Joseph was an early Nazi

Joseph: I know all about you uncivilized people.

Standing Indian: You say our ancestors were wicked, you nut.

Sitting Indian: We came from Asian, not Jerusalem, you idiot.

A fake prophet trying to buffalo people - 03/01/2005 - anon


Joseph: Did you ever wonder why God cursed you with a loathsome skin color?

Standing Indian: Because it would allow us to qualify for Affirmative Action in the 20th century?

Sitting Indian: Because women would know which men had the huge johnsons? - 01/09/2005


Joseph on the campaign trail

Standing Indian: Why should we vote for you?

Joseph: Together we will fight against all the evil-doers in the nation that oppress the righteous!

Sitting Indian: This from and plagarizing, grave robbing adulterer!

Joseph tries out the Salt Sermon on the natives - 12/25/2004 - anon


Standing Indian: For the last time paleface! I'm not giving you my daughter. She's only eleven.

Sitting Indian: And besides, she hasn't even known a man yet.

Joseph: Hasn't known a man before? You mean she's a virgin! I'll give you twenty bucks for her. - by Brooke - April 2004


Joseph: The Mormon Church is true. I tell ye: Give the Church all of your possessions and you will be truly blessed.

Standing Indian: He tell-um lie. He like white man, Pinnochio.

Sitting Indian:Uhuh, look at size of nose. - anon - March 2004


Joseph: You there! With the hot wife and big hooters, have I told you about polyandry?

Standing Indian: Her name is Poke-a-hotass and keep your hands off her you savage!

Sitting Indian: I say we scalp his other head. - Stan Fan - March 04


Top Caption: Mormon Wrestling Federation presents the Pounding on the Prarie

Standing Indian: I hear you are pretty good at wrestling? Why don't you try wrestling me, gimp boy!

Joseph: Oh Gee! Look at the time. I must be going. I feel a prophecy coming on. You can understand.

Sitting Indian: I told you he would chicken out.

Bottom Caption: In order to raise money for the Church, Joseph and Parley would occasionally engage in tag-team wrestling matches. - anon - March 2004


Top Caption: Pressing the flesh with the Lamanites

Standing Indian: Why should we follow you?

Joseph: If you join my church your dark and loathsome skin will become white and delightsome like my own.

Sitting Female Indian: You didn't think my skin was loathsome last night! - anon - March 2004


Top Caption: Joseph "Snake Oil" Smith tries hustling his wares among the Iroquois

Standing Indian: Damn! Will that Mo-fo ever shut up?

Joseph: It could be worse. At least you don't have to listen to Gordon B Hinckley.

Sitting Indian gazing at Joseph's crotch: Well, at least Ol' Joe there doesn't have to stuff the crotch of his temple suit. - TVLampboy - March 2004


Top Caption: Among the hungry Lamanites

Joseph: These Golden Plates that thou seest in mine own hands must be viewed with your "spiritual eyes."

Standing Indian: Whatdaya think, a little salt and barb-e-que sauce? I'll get the firewood and you get the forks.

Sitting female Indian: I'm fourteen, pick me! - by 2 of 6 - March 2004


Top Caption: Mr Smith the Astronomer

Joseph: If you look closely, you will see Quakers on the moon.

Standing Indian: Did he say Quakers?

Sitting Indian: You're right. He is insane. - Jason the Mason - March 2004


Top Caption: Joseph misplaces one of his spiritual wifery brides

Standing Indian: What does she look like?

Joseph: About so tall.. I think.. brown.. or was it blonde hair.. blue, no brown.. no, definately hazel eyes.. here name was Martha.. or was it Mary.

Sitting Indian: Maybe she found a real man to marry her?

Bottom Caption: Joseph's reputation spreads across the Land Northward - anon - March 2004


Top Caption: Joseph hold audtions for the first Mormon road show

Standing Indian singing: Cherokee People! Cherokee Tribe!

Joseph: Ladies, you were a little flat on that last note. Remember chest out and breathe with your diaphram.

Sitting Indian: He must think we are not very sharp.

Bottom Caption: Scene One - Lehi's family leaving Jerusalem - anon - March 2004


Top Caption: If Joseph had tried to found his church today

Standing Indian: Tell us again what you did with the gold artifacts you dug up from a sacred Native American burial site.

Joseph: An angel came and took all the gold back to God

Sitting Indian: Bull shit you filthy grave robber. Take him to jail!

Bottom Caption: Joseph Smith is sued for NAGPRA violatons. (Native American Graves Protection and Reparations Act) - anon - March 2004


Top Caption: Joseph practices his Hebrew on the Natives

Joseph: Shaaaaloooomeeee!

Standing Indian: Shiker! Pisk! Shlemil!

Sitting Indian: Farblondshezt! Meshugeni! Bobe! - anon - March 2004


Top Caption: The inspiration for the movie "Deliverance"

Joseph: And that is why God made you red. To punish you for Laman and Lemuel's rebellion.

Standing Indian: I'm gonna make him squeal like a piggie!

Sitting Indian: He sure has a pretty mouth. - Matthew - Feb 2004


Joseph: Behold the rod of God

Standing Indian: Blah, blah, blah...

Sitting Indian: His zipper is down and will you look at that. Now I know why he gets all the ladies. There is nothing junior about him! - by KLJ - Feb 2004


Top Banner: The Lord Sends Glad Tidings To All His Children

Joseph: Gay marriages are approved by the Lord

Standing Indian: Well, it's about time!

Sitting Indian gazing at Joseph's crotch: See, no bulge, he has a small wee wee. - Jason Crotchstick - Feb 04


Top Caption: Parting the Red Sea

Joseph: How would you all like to be white?

Standing Indian: When do we get our free bread and water?

Sitting Indian: Your fly is open. - Peter Doubt - Feb 04


Top Banner: Joseph Smith attempts to psychoanalyze the Lamanites

Standing Indian: I've been dreaming that I am a TEE PEE.

Sitting Indian: I've been dreaming that I am a WIGWAM.

Joseph: I see what your problem is. You are "two tents." Ha, Ha! Get it? Too tense? I crack myself up. - Skunk Puppet - Feb 04


Top Caption: Since preaching failed Joseph tried singing

Joseph: I feel pretty.. Oh, so pretty..

Standing Indian: White and loathsome!

Sitting Indian: Bring this dude a rameumptom. - by Rhys - Feb 04


Top Caption: Joseph Smith preaching to the Lamanites - Church History Museum November 2003

Joseph's companion behind him whispering: Psst. Tell them about the Indian Student Placement Program.

Standing Indian: Holy buffalo dung, where'd he get his peyote?

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