Joseph: No, shit, featherheads, I really DID see God!
Standing Indian: No more of the peace pipe for him.
Sitting Indian: Funny, I don't FEEL Jewish. - 07/10/2005 - Helamonster
Joseph: Yes, you in the back what is your idea?
Standing Indian: Story about false prophet being scalped by "dark filthy & loathsome savages"?
Sitting Indian: We'd be happy to act it out for you! - 03/30/2005 - anon
Joseph: For behold, thus sayeth the Lord, the time is now come that the Lamanites shall again become a white and delightsome people. Therefore, give unto my servant, Joseph, your virgins, your daughters, your wives, and your mothers; yeah, verily every living thing which may receive his seed, give it unto him; that ye may become a white and delightsome people before the Lord. - 06/29/2005 - from Elder Zelph
Joseph: So, you are all really Jews!
Standing Indian: Oy, vey! What a schmuck!
Sitting Indian: Does this goyum shlemiel really expect us to swallow that dreck? Kush meer in tokhes! - 03/30/2005 - AxelDC
Joseph: "Tiptoe thru the tulips, thru the tulips.."
Standing Indian: And your mother sure dressed you funny, too.
Sitting Indian: White man got falsetto like Casterati! - 03/21/2005 - anon
Joseph: "I tell you that you are special. We will never lie to you. Never cheat you or rob you of your land."
Standing Indian: "Yeah, Yeah...just like the rest of the peckerwoods."
Sitting Indian: "Oh I know it..and what's up with that funky underwear ?!" - 03/20/2005 - from bigtime Joseph: ...and that is why we are so much better than you.
Standing Indian: He's been on one too many vision quests, that's what I say.
Sitting Indian: Yeah, a few too many hits of the peace pipe, eh Joseph? - 03/03/2005 - from Jaeld
Joseph: I know all about you uncivilized people.
Standing Indian: You say our ancestors were wicked, you nut.
Sitting Indian: We came from Asian, not Jerusalem, you idiot.
Joseph: Did you ever wonder why God cursed you with a loathsome skin color?
Standing Indian: Because it would allow us to qualify for Affirmative Action in the 20th century?
Sitting Indian: Because women would know which men had the huge johnsons? - 01/09/2005
Standing Indian: Why should we vote for you?
Joseph: Together we will fight against all the evil-doers in the nation that oppress the righteous!
Sitting Indian: This from and plagarizing, grave robbing adulterer!
Standing Indian: For the last time paleface! I'm not giving you my daughter. She's only eleven.
Sitting Indian: And besides, she hasn't even known a man yet.
Joseph: Hasn't known a man before? You mean she's a virgin! I'll give you twenty bucks for her. - by Brooke - April 2004
Joseph: The Mormon Church is true. I tell ye: Give the Church all of your possessions and you will be truly blessed.
Standing Indian: He tell-um lie. He like white man, Pinnochio.
Sitting Indian:Uhuh, look at size of nose. - anon - March 2004
Joseph: You there! With the hot wife and big hooters, have I told you about polyandry?
Standing Indian: Her name is Poke-a-hotass and keep your hands off her you savage!
Sitting Indian: I say we scalp his other head. - Stan Fan - March 04
Top Caption: Mormon Wrestling Federation presents the Pounding on the Prarie
Standing Indian: I hear you are pretty good at wrestling? Why don't you try wrestling me, gimp boy!
Joseph: Oh Gee! Look at the time. I must be going. I feel a prophecy coming on. You can understand.
Sitting Indian: I told you he would chicken out.
Bottom Caption: In order to raise money for the Church, Joseph and Parley would occasionally engage in tag-team wrestling matches. - anon - March 2004
Top Caption: Pressing the flesh with the Lamanites
Standing Indian: Why should we follow you?
Joseph: If you join my church your dark and loathsome skin will become white and delightsome like my own.
Sitting Female Indian: You didn't think my skin was loathsome last night! - anon - March 2004
Top Caption: Joseph "Snake Oil" Smith tries hustling his wares among the Iroquois
Standing Indian: Damn! Will that Mo-fo ever shut up?
Joseph: It could be worse. At least you don't have to listen to Gordon B Hinckley.
Sitting Indian gazing at Joseph's crotch: Well, at least Ol' Joe there doesn't have to stuff the crotch of his temple suit. - TVLampboy - March 2004
Top Caption: Among the hungry Lamanites
Joseph: These Golden Plates that thou seest in mine own hands must be viewed with your "spiritual eyes."
Standing Indian: Whatdaya think, a little salt and barb-e-que sauce? I'll get the firewood and you get the forks.
Sitting female Indian: I'm fourteen, pick me! - by 2 of 6 - March 2004
Top Caption: Mr Smith the Astronomer
Joseph: If you look closely, you will see Quakers on the moon.
Standing Indian: Did he say Quakers?
Sitting Indian: You're right. He is insane. - Jason the Mason - March 2004
Top Caption: Joseph misplaces one of his spiritual wifery brides
Standing Indian: What does she look like?
Joseph: About so tall.. I think.. brown.. or was it blonde hair.. blue, no brown.. no, definately hazel eyes.. here name was Martha.. or was it Mary.
Sitting Indian: Maybe she found a real man to marry her?
Bottom Caption: Joseph's reputation spreads across the Land Northward - anon - March 2004
Top Caption: Joseph hold audtions for the first Mormon road show
Standing Indian singing: Cherokee People! Cherokee Tribe!
Joseph: Ladies, you were a little flat on that last note. Remember chest out and breathe with your diaphram.
Sitting Indian: He must think we are not very sharp.
Bottom Caption: Scene One - Lehi's family leaving Jerusalem - anon - March 2004
Top Caption: If Joseph had tried to found his church today
Standing Indian: Tell us again what you did with the gold artifacts you dug up from a sacred Native American burial site.
Joseph: An angel came and took all the gold back to God
Sitting Indian: Bull shit you filthy grave robber. Take him to jail!
Bottom Caption: Joseph Smith is sued for NAGPRA violatons. (Native American Graves Protection and Reparations Act) - anon - March 2004
Top Caption: Joseph practices his Hebrew on the Natives
Standing Indian: Shiker! Pisk! Shlemil!
Sitting Indian: Farblondshezt! Meshugeni! Bobe! - anon - March 2004
Top Caption: The inspiration for the movie "Deliverance"
Joseph: And that is why God made you red. To punish you for Laman and Lemuel's rebellion.
Standing Indian: I'm gonna make him squeal like a piggie!
Sitting Indian: He sure has a pretty mouth. - Matthew - Feb 2004
Joseph: Behold the rod of God
Standing Indian: Blah, blah, blah...
Sitting Indian: His zipper is down and will you look at that. Now I know why he gets all the ladies. There is nothing junior about him! - by KLJ - Feb 2004
Top Banner: The Lord Sends Glad Tidings To All His Children
Joseph: Gay marriages are approved by the Lord
Standing Indian: Well, it's about time!
Sitting Indian gazing at Joseph's crotch: See, no bulge, he has a small wee wee. - Jason Crotchstick - Feb 04
Top Caption: Parting the Red Sea
Joseph: How would you all like to be white?
Standing Indian: When do we get our free bread and water?
Sitting Indian: Your fly is open. - Peter Doubt - Feb 04
Top Banner: Joseph Smith attempts to psychoanalyze the Lamanites
Standing Indian: I've been dreaming that I am a TEE PEE.
Sitting Indian: I've been dreaming that I am a WIGWAM.
Joseph: I see what your problem is. You are "two tents." Ha, Ha! Get it? Too tense? I crack myself up. - Skunk Puppet - Feb 04
Top Caption: Since preaching failed Joseph tried singing
Joseph: I feel pretty.. Oh, so pretty..
Standing Indian: White and loathsome!
Sitting Indian: Bring this dude a rameumptom. - by Rhys - Feb 04
Top Caption: Joseph Smith preaching to the Lamanites - Church History Museum November 2003
Joseph's companion behind him whispering: Psst. Tell them about the Indian Student Placement Program.
Standing Indian: Holy buffalo dung, where'd he get his peyote?