Hinckley: "Lying for the Lord? I don't know if we teach that. I don't know if we emphasize it." - 02/11/2013 - Darrick Evenson

Hinckley: "God? I don't know that we teach that." 03/25/2009 - esias

Larry King: I don't know Gordon... I am a married man! I didn't think you would try to ask me out on national tv! - 05/07/2006 - Seneca

King: So now that you have denied the couplet "...As God is Man may become"., What do you have to say about another famous Mormon couplet "The glory of God is intelligence"?

Hinckley: I don't think we teach that much anymore either Larry. You have to remember the couplet that is my favorite and is quickly becoming the most popular Mormon couplet "When the prophet speaks the thinking has been done!" I mean, how else could we get people to believe the Book of Mormon! Think about it.. or rather I have thought about it for you. And the answer is.....uuuhhh...What was your question? - 11/02/2005 - Hamster

Larry: So you did in fact know exactly where Elizabeth Smart was all this time?

Hinckley: Of course, I just didn't think anyone would be righteous enough to understand my prophetic answers. - 08/05/2005 - anon

Larry: So how much would it cost me to buy the L.A. temple from you?

Hinckley: I am glad you asked. We just happen to be having a going out of business sale right now and I think I could get you a great deal on the property. - 08/05/2005 - anon

Larry: So how much will you pay me to convert to Mormonism? It would be great PR for you guys! I'm sure your mileage on Gladys is running out by now. Imagine the air time we could get if I married Sean in the temple!

Hinckley: How's a 40% share of the new Mormon mall sound? - 07/12/2005 - anon

Larry: So Joseph's story about his encounters with Moroni and how he obtained the golden plates was just a rip off of a book by the guy that wrote the Nutcracker? Wild!

Hinckley: Yeah, it looks that way. Palmer really nailed us on that one! - 07/10/2005 - anon

Hinckley: Hey Larry I can get you a sweet deal on a million dollar penthouse in the new Crossroads mall.

Larry: Would Sean have to know about it? - 07/10/2005 - anon

My career must be in the toilet. - 04/29/2005 - from Uziyahu

King to off-camera producer: If this slimey little rat bastard doesn't stop staring at me, I'm gonna kick his ass.

Gordon: FEAR ME!!!! I am the destroyer of worlds, or at least lives. HA HA HA HA HA. - 04/20/2005 - Celtic_jrg

King: Pope John Paul II apologized to the Jews and the Muslims for past treatment of their religion by the Catholic church. Is the LDS church considering apologizing to the Catholic church for statements about it being the Great and Abominible Church spoken of in the Book of Mormon?

Gordon: We never taught that. It's in the past. Let's move on. - 04/07/2005 - anon

Gordo thinking to himself: Shit man we'd have to special order a custom sized bakers hat for Larry huge fucking head! - 04/05/2005 - anon

Gordon:Um, I'm not sure about that. I don't really remember. We're passed that now. That's all behind us. We need to look forward. - 03/30/2005 - AxelDC

King: We're back with Mormon prophet Gordon B. Hinkley who's just revealed he was the first Ronald McDonald clown in 1963 in Wash. DC.

Gordon: Yes, Isn't it marvelous! I patterned the clown suit after the temple clothes... - 03/14/2005 - from Moroni's pizza

Larry: So this little device on the table is your seer stone?

Hinkley: Yes, isn't it Marvelous!

Larry: It looks like one of those crappy gifts you get for renewing a magazine subscription! - 03/12/2005 - anon

King: Do you believe the Book of Mormon is the the second witness to Jesus Christ, translated by Joseph Smith with the power given to him by God?

Hinckley: Um...I'm not sure that we teach that....but uh....god gives me nice warm feelings in my Depends! - 02/06/2005 - Robert M

Larry: I forgot Gordy that we are on national television. Since I married a dooped Mormon I will keep it short and sweet to avoid a national outrage. Is Mormonism a cult?

Hinckley ..ah.. no, of course not. - 01/20/2005 - anon

Larry: So is that viagra I snuck into your drink working yet?

GBH: For the last time Larry, please keep your foot out of my crotch! - 01/19/2005 - anon

Have you started doing temple work for the victims of the Tsunami yet? - 01/13/2005 - anon

So Gordon, why didn't God tell you about that Tsunami? - 12/31/2004 - anon

If the Golden Plates were found in upstate NY why hasn't the church done any excavating around Palmyra for ancient Nephite artifacts? - 12/31/2004 - anon

What happened to the Hebrew DNA in Native Americans? - 12/31/2004 - anon

Do you guys still get drunk in the temple in order to feel the spirit like they did at Kirtland? - 12/31/2004 - anon

Why did the Saints take coffee on their trip West if God had proscribed it in the Word of Wisdom? - 12/31/2004 - anon

So Gordon, is it just a couplet or was God once a man? - 12/31/2004 - anon

Man am I glad you guys backed off the whole oral sex being sinful and unnatural statement, because Shawn gives amazing blow jobs! - 12/31/2004 - anon

Ever thought of letting Haines or Victoria Secret come up with some new garment designs? - 12/29/2004 - anon

Hey Gordy, pull my finger! - 12/28/2004 - from Peter Doubt

How much would I have to give you to get rid of the garment requirement? Just once I'd like to see Shawn in a thong. - 12/27/2004 - anon

So Gordie, would you discourage young LDS girls from marrying rich non-member men twice their age? - 12/27/2004 - anon

So, who's Celestial wife is Shawn going to be after the resurection? - 12/27/2004 - anon

Don't worry Gordon, I promise only easy questions. Shawn said she'd with hold sex for a month if I asked any tough questions. - 12/27/2004 - anon

So, Gordo. How many resignations this year? - 12/25/2004 - T-bone

So you think I SHOULDN'T change my name to "Larry King Follett?" - 12/25/2004 - from Barua

King: My wife, Shawn wants resign her membership from the LDS Church. Can you help here out or should I just send her to Mormonnomore.com? - 12/24/2004 - cricket

During a moment of brief silence that seem to last for minutes, Hinckley starts to pray in his small mind, "Please GOD! For the love of Joe! Do not let him ask about Palmer, or Kinderhook, or 1832 versions of visions, or 1838 changes to the damn book, or the 1833 Illinois law against bigamy, or Adam God, or blood atonement, or Fanny, or Helen, or Emma, or polygamy, or polyandry, or treasure seeking, or the gigantic room in the Hill Cumorah, or about plagiarism, or about the dismal activity rates -- especially outside of the US, or about all of the damn apostates and resignations, or about James Strang, or about Celestial polygamy, or about god being a man -- even a boy who touched his little factory, or about me becoming a freaking god, or about a hat trick, or about.... .... oh Jesus Oh God oh hell oh shit take, take me, Punch my card GOD! PUNCH MY FUCKING CARD ALREADY!!! Ah Shit! Margie got off easy!! Ahhh! - 12/24/2004 - from Fly on the temple wall