Packer: I suffer from Penis Envy
Monson: No thanks, Moses says we can't eat shell fish.
Couple: You two wanna see some "bearded clam"?
Elders: Elder Smith, tonite I want you to feel my "iron rod"
Foursome:<>/b> Wow Barb, your ass is tight like a dish! - 07/02/2005 - cousin
Title: The Prophet's New Clothes
Packer: Get your new invisible temple garments!
Monson: More like Emperor's new garments.
Couple: Wow! The prophet's new garments are great.
Elders: No Elder Cannon, cellulite is not one of the tribes in the Book of Mormon.
Foursome: Boy, the sand sure gets through these garments.
Title: Reverse Pigmentation
Packer: The end is in sight!
Monson: (Waving Book of Mormon at the two women.)
Light Skinned Woman: No thanks. I read that book, became white and delightsome, hated it ever since.
Title: The Best Two Years of My Life
Packer: Pearl of Great Price for sale
Monson: Where are you lovely ladies heading?
Couple: To the toilet. Can we borrow that book?
Title: Upon a Sandy Foundation
Packer: Lift this sandwich board for a real revelation.
Monson: Excuse me Bishop Packer, these young ladies need a body guard.
Couple: Oh dear! Don't look over there, he's my bishop.
Elders: The missionary handbook says "no swimming" but nothing about sunbathing in the nude.
Foursome: Hey, can you believe those Mormon missionaries tried to park their bikes up our cracks?
Title: Sunburning of the Bosom
Packer: Put on the full armour of God, or at least some clothes!
Monson: Have your read the Book of Mormon?
Couple: No, we're waiting for the movie to come out.
Elders: Another hour in the sun and those luscious breastplates will be golden.
Foursome: This sure beats going to Stake Conference!
Title: A Solemn Assembly
Packer: Boyd, Tommy, Jesus and Joseph are here for you support.
Monson: Hey Boyd, let's give the Second Token of the Melchezidek Priesthood to these young women through the veil.
Couple: What "the hell" is wanted?
Elders: Wow, there goes Sister Smith and Sister Young in whom Elder Packer and Elder Monson are well pleased.
Foursome: Well, what should we do for next month's Young Women's activity?
Title: What About Boyd?
Take me to your leader! Let me be your leader!
Monson: Psst! Girls, I've got some lime Jell-O in my pocket.
Couple: Is that really lime Jell-O in his pocket or is he just happy to see us?
Elders: My little factory is bigger than your little factory.
Foursome: Keep digging! The Salamander said it was buried here somewhere.
Title: Know your Book of Mormon
Packer: Alma 52:29-36
Monson: Now the Lamanites did not know that Moroni had been in their rear with his army.
Dark Skinned Woman: In hindsight, I wish I'd never read that awful book.
Elders: And Lehi pressed upon their rear with such fury.
Foursome: Wow, no wonder my butt hurts from hanging around here.
Title: Tokens For Sale on the Beach
Packer: Used garments for sale - 10% discount
Monson: Public nudity is not all that it's cracked up to be.
Couple: Walk faster. I don't want to meet any Mormons!
Elders: Well, at least the one on the left is white and delightsome.
Foursome: Is that a triple-combo in his pocket or is that elder just glad to see me?
Title: Wife Search - Great Salt Lake Beach
Packer: Washings and Annointings $10.00
Monson: Boyd, I think the one with the tan lines winked at me?
Dark Skinned Woman: (flipping Monson the bird) Annoint this!
Elders: This gospel makes no sense at all.
Foursome: Hey, a seagull just pooped on Packer's head!
Title: Danite Stud Patrol
Packer: Ask to see the iron rod
Monson: The production of my little factory has increased Boyd.
Couple: Geez, not my uncle Tom again?
Elders: I never noticed how soft your skin is Elder Lovejoy.
Foursome: I think those two are going to pay lay ale each other tonight.
Title: Packer Supervises Auditions for New Temple Movie
Packer: Brunette Eve's to the left. Blonde Eve's to the right.
Monson: "Quick cover yourselves" he says. With this? Where are the green aprons when you need them?
Dark Skinned Woman: They're gonna be so pissed when they see me in next month's Playboy.
Elders: These are the lines for Adam. See, nothing about playing "hide the priesthood" with Eve.
Foursome: I was going for the part of the minister, but after seeing you, I decided to try out for lucifer.
Title: Milk Before Meat
Packer: Patriarchal Blessings Two For the Price of One
Monson: I am a child of God and He has sent me here..
Couple: Have you ever met a straight Mormon? Me either.
Elders: I call him little Elder Johnson.
Foursome: How about we try the laying on of hands?
Title: Marching Toward the Lion House
Packer: (pointing to Monson) I'm with stupid
Monson: (pointing to Packer) I'm with stupid
Couple: No cracks about our cracks please.
Elders: Look Elder, behold the Great and A'bum'nable
Foursome: Here we are lying for the Lord again.
Title: FARMS Finds Secret Meanings in the Sand
Packer: Will work for wives
Monson: Over twelve million served
Couple: No thanks! We already have righteous posteriors.
Elders: If you hold this shell to your ear, you can hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.
Foursome: Hey, I just found a stone box... oops, that was you.
Title: Elder Packer's Mission To Restore Polygamy
Packer: Ask me about my little factory
Monson: And then God said, "It is not good for Adam and Eve to be alone."
Couple: I want to wear some of that sexy Mormon underwear.
Elders: But this says they have to be virgins.
Foursome: Let's magnify HIS priesthood!
Title: To Elder Packer's Dismay He Is Sent to the Telestial Kingdom
Packer: I don't belong here with you perverts.
Monson: Please Boyd, I wanna get naked too.
Couple: He's the type that makes hell, hell!
Elders: Here they come again. Now this time I get to play senior companion.
Foursome: Isn't outer darkness great!
Title: Club Moroni at the Great Salt Lake
Packer: The kittens must be destroyed.
Monson: Hey Boyd, I think the strike at my little factory is over.
Couple: Just keep walking, don't look them in the eye.
Elders: Okay, paper wraps rock. You go first you lucky bastard!
Foursome: I really like the washing and annointing without the shield, don't you? - by Skunk Puppet