Title: Reverse Pigmentation

Packer: The end is in sight!

Monson: (Waving Book of Mormon at the two women.)

Light Skinned Woman: No thanks. I read that book, became white and delightsome, hated it ever since.

Title: The Best Two Years of My Life

Packer: Pearl of Great Price for sale

Monson: Where are you lovely ladies heading?

Couple: To the toilet. Can we borrow that book?

Title: Upon a Sandy Foundation

Packer: Lift this sandwich board for a real revelation.

Monson: Excuse me Bishop Packer, these young ladies need a body guard.

Couple: Oh dear! Don't look over there, he's my bishop.

Elders: The missionary handbook says "no swimming" but nothing about sunbathing in the nude.

Foursome: Hey, can you believe those Mormon missionaries tried to park their bikes up our cracks?

Title: Sunburning of the Bosom

Packer: Put on the full armour of God, or at least some clothes!

Monson: Have your read the Book of Mormon?

Couple: No, we're waiting for the movie to come out.

Elders: Another hour in the sun and those luscious breastplates will be golden.

Foursome: This sure beats going to Stake Conference!

Title: A Solemn Assembly

Packer: Boyd, Tommy, Jesus and Joseph are here for you support.

Monson: Hey Boyd, let's give the Second Token of the Melchezidek Priesthood to these young women through the veil.

Couple: What "the hell" is wanted?

Elders: Wow, there goes Sister Smith and Sister Young in whom Elder Packer and Elder Monson are well pleased.

Foursome: Well, what should we do for next month's Young Women's activity?

Title: What About Boyd?

Packer: Take me to your leader! Let me be your leader!

Monson: Psst! Girls, I've got some lime Jell-O in my pocket.

Couple: Is that really lime Jell-O in his pocket or is he just happy to see us?

Elders: My little factory is bigger than your little factory.

Foursome: Keep digging! The Salamander said it was buried here somewhere.

Title: Know your Book of Mormon

Packer: Alma 52:29-36

Monson: Now the Lamanites did not know that Moroni had been in their rear with his army.

Dark Skinned Woman: In hindsight, I wish I'd never read that awful book.

Elders: And Lehi pressed upon their rear with such fury.

Foursome: Wow, no wonder my butt hurts from hanging around here.

Title: Tokens For Sale on the Beach

Packer: Used garments for sale - 10% discount

Monson: Public nudity is not all that it's cracked up to be.

Couple: Walk faster. I don't want to meet any Mormons!

Elders: Well, at least the one on the left is white and delightsome.

Foursome: Is that a triple-combo in his pocket or is that elder just glad to see me?

Title: Wife Search - Great Salt Lake Beach

Packer: Washings and Annointings $10.00

Monson: Boyd, I think the one with the tan lines winked at me?

Dark Skinned Woman: (flipping Monson the bird) Annoint this!

Elders: This gospel makes no sense at all.

Foursome: Hey, a seagull just pooped on Packer's head!

Title: Danite Stud Patrol

Packer: Ask to see the iron rod

Monson: The production of my little factory has increased Boyd.

Couple: Geez, not my uncle Tom again?

Elders: I never noticed how soft your skin is Elder Lovejoy.

Foursome: I think those two are going to pay lay ale each other tonight.

Title: Packer Supervises Auditions for New Temple Movie

Packer: Brunette Eve's to the left. Blonde Eve's to the right.

Monson: "Quick cover yourselves" he says. With this? Where are the green aprons when you need them?

Dark Skinned Woman: They're gonna be so pissed when they see me in next month's Playboy.

Elders: These are the lines for Adam. See, nothing about playing "hide the priesthood" with Eve.

Foursome: I was going for the part of the minister, but after seeing you, I decided to try out for lucifer.

Title: Milk Before Meat

Packer: Patriarchal Blessings Two For the Price of One

Monson: I am a child of God and He has sent me here..

Couple: Have you ever met a straight Mormon? Me either.

Elders: I call him little Elder Johnson.

Foursome: How about we try the laying on of hands?

Title: Marching Toward the Lion House

Packer: (pointing to Monson) I'm with stupid

Monson: (pointing to Packer) I'm with stupid

Couple: No cracks about our cracks please.

Elders: Look Elder, behold the Great and A'bum'nable

Foursome: Here we are lying for the Lord again.

Title: FARMS Finds Secret Meanings in the Sand

Packer: Will work for wives

Monson: Over twelve million served

Couple: No thanks! We already have righteous posteriors.

Elders: If you hold this shell to your ear, you can hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Foursome: Hey, I just found a stone box... oops, that was you.

Title: Elder Packer's Mission To Restore Polygamy

Packer: Ask me about my little factory

Monson: And then God said, "It is not good for Adam and Eve to be alone."

Couple: I want to wear some of that sexy Mormon underwear.

Elders: But this says they have to be virgins.

Foursome: Let's magnify HIS priesthood!

Title: To Elder Packer's Dismay He Is Sent to the Telestial Kingdom

Packer: I don't belong here with you perverts.

Monson: Please Boyd, I wanna get naked too.

Couple: He's the type that makes hell, hell!

Elders: Here they come again. Now this time I get to play senior companion.

Foursome: Isn't outer darkness great!

Title: Club Moroni at the Great Salt Lake

Packer: The kittens must be destroyed.

Monson: Hey Boyd, I think the strike at my little factory is over.

Couple: Just keep walking, don't look them in the eye.

Elders: Okay, paper wraps rock. You go first you lucky bastard!

Foursome: I really like the washing and annointing without the shield, don't you? - by Skunk Puppet