Curious Workmanship

Flat Tire? It's a sure sign of a nail. - JoD3:360

Raised by Mormons. Not as sexy as raised by wolves.

Coveting another man's wife is okay if you're Joseph Smith. - crom

Follow the Profit

Front of t-shirt: God is the same, yesterday today and forever. In Him there is no variable of changes.

Back of t-shirt: That's why he gave Blacks the priesthood and then took it away and said they would never have it but then he gave it back and then he never said anything about it.

Front: My god never changes.

Back: But my Church always does

Front: God prefers white shirts and white people.

Back: That's what I was taught in church.

My garments are bullet proof...until they aren't.

Sorry, today I am driving as a man, not as a prophet.

My other car is a Ferrari, but can only be seen with spiritual eyes.

I went to BYU, so I am better than you.

Sorry for my driving, I am being guided by my warm feelings.

God talks to me, then I run it by my bishop.

Where is Cumorah? It's in another country and its capital is Moroni.

Is it me, or is Satan hiding all the Nephite evidence?

I am a Mormon, I don't need facts.

Even the 3 nephites are now inactive.

I am so glad, I don't have to disembowel myself or cut my own throat, I went to the temple in 1994

I lost my keys, turns out the Masons had the originals and mine were copies.

My temple name is Candy.

Oh god, hear the honks of my car.

front: The prophets never promoted racism.

back: They were just uninspired.

I know that Scott Otterson and Michael Purdy speak for God

WWTLDD = What would the legal department do?

Polygamy? What polygamy?

Brigham only had 33 wives not 53, so its OK.

At least Warren Jeffs did not shoot anyone is jail!

Be honest... about the mall.

By the time you read this, 3 more people have gone inactive.

Don't blame Laman and Lemuel ,the great and spacious building had a Brooks Brothers"

Holland fondled my testimony.

Is lukewarm coffee ok to drink?

Honk if you are white and delightsome. - Kori

If you're offended, you're probably mormon.

If you're offensive, you're definitely mormon. - Nancy Rigdon

My Other Wife Is A Super Model

Do mormons wear their religion on their sleeve? I thought it was the knee and breast.

Pay Lay Ale-- the Drink of Kolobians

Better Evil than Mormon

What is Wanted?

Ask Me About Mormonism, Version 1,0, 2.0, 3.0, ...

Allowing Blacks in the House of Handshakes Since 1978

The Jesus Mall - Profits for the Prophet

The LD$ Church - What Have You Done For Us Lately?

Church Finances and Golden Plates - Talked About, But Never Seen

Hie To Kolob, The Air Is Cleaner There - DK

Get close to God.
Go to Kolob

Who are the Lamanites?

DNA- 1
strippling warriors- 0

Fanny + Joe

Book of Abraham is
Kolobian fiction

I believe in the Occult
And i'm a Mormon

Did you know?
The sun gets it's light from Kolob?

Enish-Go-On-Dosh Kae-E-Vanrash=
The gospel is perfect In Kolobian

Eternal marriage.
Go to heaven with your ex and your sister wives.

King Con
Joseph Smith's temple name

You can buy anything with money!
Even a Mall

Have you masturbated today?
(things your bishop asks)

The Original Book of Abraham
Has been found!

Need another husband?
11 of Joe's wives did

DNA doesn't lie
Joseph Smith did.

Fanny Alger
A mormon secret - Mia

Team Korihor -

Don't worry about what Mormons think.
They don't do it very often. - L Ron Hubbard

I'll believe corporations are people
When Mitt Romney acts like one. - Bill Clinton

My comedy channel? KBYU.
My news channel? Comedy Central. - Robert Kirby

27 Babies on Board

10 percenter

3 Hour Blockhead - Chicken N. Backpacks

I was visited by an angel with a flaming sword. - backphil

(Have a picture of a caveman in the background, sitting with a computer) - Debunking mormonism - so easy a caveman can do it

15 minutes of study can save you 10% of your income for life

O God, Beer is Good for my Mouth - brucermalarky

Mormon for family reasons - closer2fine

Honk if you've said "I know it is true" without knowing it!

My Prophet Can Screw Your Prophet - moose

Raise Your Hand to the Square If You're Horny - thingsithink

My thinking is done

My thinking has been done for me - pickle

Former Mormon, Now I'm a Seer Stoner

Pay, Obey, Pray; 3rd One Is Optional

Joseph Smith Can Beat Up Jesus Christ, Just Ask Him

Tums Cured that Burning In My Bosom

Nothing is Free, Not Even Agency; Pay Your 10%

April 6, 1830 Showers Didn't Bring Flowers, Just Misery

Was You Child Raped? Call J-OSE-PHS-MITH Complaint Dept.

Is The Light of the Gospel In Your Home. Call An Exorcist

It's Monday Evening. Is Your Pre-Teen Daughter With a Pervert?

Pervert and Prophet Are Not Equal

O How Lovely Was the Morning; June 28, 1844

Lost 116 Pages On Board

Have Your Ancestors Been Dead Dunked?

The Temple Only Works When You Do Temple Work

Why Isn't Jesus Christ In the Church of Jesus Christ of LDS?

If Only Emma Had the Flaming Sword....Castration?

Klu Klux Klan Rules Manual by Brigham Young

Brigham Young, Racist and Rapist At Your Service (for his business card)

When My Prophet Dies, God Lies

Church of Joseph Smith of Latter Day Saints

Where Are Those Darn Danites?

Proud Member, Mormon Militia

'm White and Delightsome

Rock In Hat Translation Services, Inc.

Got Urim and Thummin?

Got Temple Recommend?

Beam Me Up Kolob

Apostle Lover to Apostate In Just One Day

Proud to Be An Apostate

White Salamander On Board

Need a Translator? Call 1-800-MORON-I

Beware of Jewish Lamanites and Other Fairy Tales

Headed for the Telestial Kingdom?; Learn Secret Handshakes 1-666-LUCIFER

1st Anointing Didn't Take? Get a 2nd Anointing Today

I Took Out My Endowments but Can't Remember Where I Put Them

Where Did I Put that Darn Testimony I Lost? It Was Right Here.

Green Apron Designed by Lucy Fur

My White Salamander Can Beat Up Joseph Smith

My Other Wives are Even Worse Drivers

When Angel Moroni Blows, It's All Over

(inverted star here) followed by This Is the Mormon Cross

or (compass here) followed by This Is the Mormon Cross

I have a Flaming Sword and Know How to Use It

Three Nephites On Board

Pay, Lay, Ale Brewery

A Baker's Dozen Buns In the Oven

I'm Wearing Magic Undies

Raise Your Hand to the Square If You're Horny

Fumaraze Deficiency Sucks

I Support My Prophet's Profit

My Prophet Can Screw Your Prophet

Joseph's Myth Is True, Really!

Don't Tailgate - I've Got Golden Plates in My Trunk

I Speak Reformed Egyptian

Because the Brethren Said So, That's Why

Warren Jeffs, the Reincarnation of Joseph Smith" - verilyverily

I'll give you a sin for a token

Mormonism - gripping patriarchs & anointing loins since the 1840s

Church B4 Family - it is about time

Strength in my loins = power in The Priesthood

I'm a Cultural Mormon, where thinking and membership collide

First Laws of Heaven = Obey, Pay, Pray; Last Law Is Optional - Elder Berry

Mormons do it for eternity! The Celestial Boner. - byuboner

I Brake for Cureloms

The Tithe is High, But I'm Holding On

Adamic Spoken Here

If You Can Deny Reading This, Thank a Bishop

Moroni; Horn Section for God - 11/07/2014 - donbagley

Polygamy: Could you handle 16-year-old car insurance x10?

Now 13 minutes since our last thought accident.

I'm proud of my Eagle Scout, and I'm told I also have a daughter.

Moroni's Horn is resurrection blown.

Holiness to the Lowered

Don't follow too close. I have an Ammonite arm fetish and I'll flick it on your windshield.

Caution: Man with sinful regrets on board.

Like what you see? Text "sisterwife" to (insert nonexistent # here)

My God is your God's God!

Wrinkled? Naw, I'm just a raisin in the Sun of inspiration.

'High on Life,' a two antidepressant cocktail new this year from PharmaMormon.

I blood atone for bad driving!

I really, really, really, really like Bishop's Storehouse food. Really. - masonfree

Kolob or bust! - Dave the Atheist

Muck formons - 11/07/2014 - Moron

Honk if you love Jesus!

Text while driving if you wanna see him tonight. - sampsonAtard

I KNOW with EVERY FIBER of the HAIRBALL BETWEEN MY EARS that

I love my curlemon - escapedfromzion

I KNOW with EVERY FIBER of the HAIRBALL BETWEEN MY EARS that ...

I KNOW Beyond the Shadow that was Once My Brain that . . .

I love My Wives & Curlemons (not necessarily in that order)

I (don't) THINK; THEREFORE I AM (a Mormon)

I Don't Need a Brain; I have a Testimony.

Paid Laid Ailin'

8 Wife Curlemon On Board - 11/07/2014 - beyondashadow

I'd rather be hitchiking to Kolob

You're in good hands with Celestial Group Fire Insurance

I'm a payin laying alien

Shmuck Foseph Jith

I love Skiing with Mittens - Shummy

"9/11.../57. Never forget" - cupcakelicker

I don't need drugs. Being a mormon is as far from reality as I can get. - 12/14/2008 - Spanner

Mormonism - Where a blowjob isn't considered SEX! - 09/14/2007 - Archie7878

Slogan: Wanna become a God? Show up for your secret passwords and handshakes.

Mormons: We're Christians just like y.... Oh my heck, he's wearing a cross! - - 08/09/2007 - Evidence Ministries

The Church Of Jospeh Smith Of Latter Day Cash-flow - 07/09/2007 - Shel

"Non-mormons and Ex-mormons are the majority. Let's start acting like it." - 11/19/2005 - exmo mo

More Bad Ideas for Mormon Slogans

Pretend you have just been hired by the Corporation of the President of the Mormon Church to create a catchy new slogan for mormonism. The 70s and 80s were about "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints...The Mormons." The 90s were about "Family. Isn't it about time."

It is now time for a new slogan. It needs to be short, to the point, able to run at the end of a 30 second ad, and fit on the side of a metro bus, it must entice non-members to want to know more about the church, and it also must give members warm fuzzies.

Here are a few ideas to get your creative juices flowing:

We're not weird.

Mormonism - Now With 10% Less Guilt.

At Least We're Not Scientologists.

Trust us, we stopped practicing polygamy. We really did. Honest.

Mormonism - All our weird doctrines are just opinions.

Our underwear isn't that weird since we went to the two-piecers.

Mormonism New and improved. No death oaths. No naked touching.

Join today and your first month of tithing is free. - Bob Zaworski

The Mormons : We're Rubber and You're glue. - devashoe

Our Men Aren't Afraid to Cry.

Resistence is Futile - Seneca

Mormonism: It doesn't have to be true in order to be true.

Mormon Doctrine: It may be bullshit but it sure feels great.

Baptism: How else could you possibly refrian from lying, cheating, and stealing?

Tithing: Try to see the glass as 90% full.

Mormonism: You're either with us or against us.

Feeling vulnerable? Here's a quick fix. - apostate

Our Jesus is better than your Jesus." - Helamonster

If You're Brainless, Try Us. - anon

Mormonism: because your brain deserves a vacation.

Now with 50% more Christianity.

Join our spirit wife of the month club. - Danite

We always CTR, but don't be offended by our offending behavior. - onyx

It's about money & control. - CBnevermo

Truth -Isn't it about feelings?

If you're not Mormon, you only think you're happy"! - Jonny the Smoke

We do the thinking for you! - chris

God's Green Berets - nomorelies

Come for the teary testimonies. Stay for the Green Jell-O.

Got a God Complex? Than we're The Church For YOU!

Mormons: The REAL Chosen People.

The Mormons: Heaven's full of 'em! - Hedonista

Some things that are true are not very useful. - Boyd K. Packer

We don't know that we teach that. - ChaosHavoc

Come learn the lessons of life from 15 old men. - anon

Joining is the first step to becoming an Exmormon.

What else will you do with 10% of your money.

If you don't like our doctrine, we'll make it a couplet.

Our magic undewear protects you from radical free thinking.

We give you security, once you're in we won't let you leave.

Afraid of sex, you've come to the right place. - dmist09

Mormons: Where You Don't Need to Know What You Believe.

Mormons: Refuge from the Gays.

We are the Mormons. We Are Not of This World.

Lots of Money, but low I.Q.? – Join us, the Mormons.

Let Us Change Your Underwear – The Mormons.

Mormons -- Free Prozac With Every Membership. - rmw

Polygamy: Bring 'em Young

Joseph+Fanny Forever!

The voice in my head tells me things

The Book of Mormon: Just Keep Praying

You know it's true!

Follow the Profit$: Don't go astray!

The wise man build his house upon chiasmus!

Limited Georgraphy Theory: contradicting General Authorities since 1830

Zelph, white lamanite and and one bad -ss muthaf-ck-!

Stake Dances: Another Reason to drink the punch and end it now!

The earth is 7000 years old: God just likes to subvert his own plan

Boyd K. Packer: You Ain't Seen Hardcore Yet!

Boyd K. Packer: Master Debator

If you can't say something faith promoting, get the hell out of my church!

Tapir-riding Jewish Native Americans on Sleds

FAIR: Falsely attributed information & rhetoric

Hey, even Noah got drunk!

I can't: I'm better than you

Relief Society: 2 parts male authoritarianism, 1 part Prozac

Utah: Why yes, a religiously controlled democracy IS impartial!

Non-members: Don't worry, the teresstial kingdom is less agnosing! Ghandi may be there!

Quit bashing my faith: Insanity is my right!

Segregation: It worked for blacks and the priesthood!

Homosexuality: another reason for god to punish people forever

Geneology: Even Hitler needs the gospel!

Our religious leaders can commit whoredoms - they just wanted to do what felt right!

Gordon B. Hinckley: Yet another man who thinks Brigham didn't deserve the Apostleship

Emma Smith: She didn't move West for a reason!

International House of Handshakes

When a prophet speaks and bears testimony, we should listen and obey - even if he's wrong!

Africans: It wasn't YOUR fault for Cain's transgression!

Nephi: The ends do justify the means!

We believe the Book of Mormon to be the word of god - so long as this edition remains in print. - David Peters

Mormonism: We don't practice polygamy anymore.

Even if it's all made up, it doesn't mean it isn't true"(I stole this from Plan 10 from outer space).

Mormonism: Giving equal rights to Negroes since 1978.

Mormonism: We're not a cult. - dick

Mormonism: 70 loons and a quack

Mormonism: Bothering you at dinner time for 160 years

Mormonism: Psych!

Mormonism: Resistance is futile

Mormonism: Don't think or you'll miss it! - Jim Stern

Billions Necrodunked since 1830. - Laszlo

Mormonism: Nothing too personal for our attention

Mormonism: Your time is ours

Mormonism: Pay early and often

Mormonism: theocracy in a democracy

Mormonism: Where fairy tales meet reality

Mormonism: We know all your business

Mormonism: No-one left to their dignity - lightfingerlouie

Our Jesus can whip your Jesus - Bob T

MORMONISM: Your Masterbation Monitor - dave the APatheist

For 10% of your net, we'll make your life 100% gross. - Buntaro

Serriously deluded and proud of it"? - Lucyfer

We're not Weird! - around

At LDS Inc., We're PROUD of OUR Lies! - wine country girl

Mormonism: Resistance is futile. Join now, or after you die. - scarecrowfromoz

Mormonism: We make the facts fit. - Dagny

Mormons: We are IN this world, but we are not OF this world. - rmw

Our Prophet doesn't know WHAT we teach. - Bob T

Mormonism: We do the thinking for you! - lynn

Mormonism: All the guilt that free time and money can buy! - Polygamy Porter

Our prophets only want 10% of your profits. - Buntaro

Book of Mormon: Cure For Insomnia. - Helen

We Mormons don't know that we teach anything to anyone anymore. - Ken Taylor

Sit back and relax, we'll do the thinking for you - Bonnie

1.) "Mormonism: Losing More Members Than Ever"

2.) "It's Been 15 Years Since We Got Rid of the Ritual Suicide Enactments!"

3.) "Trust Us: The Anti-Depressants Mean Nothing"

4.) "Mormonism: Some Things that are True are not very Useful"

5.) "Families Can Be Fun: Our Founder Had Sex with his Foster Daughters!"

6.) "Can You Say 'Mnemonic Device'?"

7.) "Mormonism: Annihilating the Self since 1830".

8.) "Mormonism: Taking Family Values So Seriously that We Routinely Electrocuted Homosexuals at BYU"

9.) "Mormonism: Still White and Delightsome"

10.) "Reality Sucks - Try Mormonism" - Tal Bachman

All Your Base Are Belong To Us. - Stray Mutt

Mormonism: Swapping Masturbation for Exhaltation. - lightfinger louie

Mormonism: it's a small world. - Terri Jo

Now only 50 years behind the times!

Some religions promise 70 virgins, we have no limit!

Giving a man the ability to give his wife orders and tell her they come from God!

Not as weird as the Moonies!

Delivering institutional dishonesty for over 170 years.

More than 60% of our customers are dissatisfied! - Elwood

Bored? Try a missionary position. - T-bone

Mormonism - Because thinking for yourself is overrated.

Mormonism - Most of our members never figure it out.

Mormonism - Because racial diversity is purely symbolic.

Family - Isnt' it about ... abuse.

BYU - Teaching creative accounting since 1875.

Mormon Bishops - And you thought Catholic priests were wacko.

FARMS and FAIR - Because when you have a testimony, the facts just don't matter. - T-bone

Mormonism: Peepstones R Us

We are children of our heavenly father, and he's a child of his heavenly father and so on and so forth...

Mormonism: Where you'll never enjoy Sunday ever again.

Mormonism: Sour milk before rotten meat.

"The Church of Joseph Smith Who Wants to Get Laid." - Alison_is_free

Come for the spoiled milk, stay for the rotten meat - RBL Jr

Mormon Doctrine - Which Way Is The Wind Blowing Now? - LifeIsGreatNow

Mormonism = Christianity Lite

Mormonism: Isn't it wonderful? Isn't it marvelous? - Matt

Click image to actually order this bumper sticker. 10/14/2004 - submitted by Langdon

Click image to actually order a T-Shirt.

Or make your own with the following lines:

"I can't.....my underwear is jammed up my ass!"

"I would but.....I'm afraid someone would tell my stick-up-the-ass bishop!"

"I would if we went fishing together!"

"I already did....then I converted! Gosh I miss it. Now my life sucks."

"I would but....you'd probably laugh at my underwear."

"I can't.....I'm repressed!"

"I can't.....I'm moron!""

"I can't.....so you shouldn't be able to either!" - 09/25/2004 - by hermanuno

click image - you can actually purchase several t-shirt styles

"Utah is God's Country -- and he can have it!" - 07/24/2005 - anon

"Friends Don't Let Friends Get Dunked!" - 02/13/2005 - from JesusChrysler

Utah - Creating prophets since 1847 - 01/16/2004 - anon

CTR - cheap tin ring - 11/29/2003 - anon

Master
Overbearing
Rigorous
Machiavellianism
Obfuscate
Nag - 10/19/2003 - from jg

The army has a saying, "Don't ask don't tell." The Mormons have a saying, "Don't ask or your going to Hell."

Some people say "We do not make the rules, we just follow them." Mormons can say we do not think about the rules, we just follow them." - 08/07/2005 - girl next door

Mormon Slogan: I'm A 14 Cow Wife! - 10/17/2003 - anon

Bumper Stickers:

What Does An Athiest Say Durning An Orgasm?
"Oh Darwin! Oh Darwin!"

Elder Packard Touched My Liahona!

WANTED: People To Work On My Little Factory

Bigot's 'R' Us

I'm A Gay Mormon - And Your Ass Is My Salvation! - 10/16/2003 - from jg

OUR JESUS IS BETTER THAN YOURS - 10/12/2003 - anon

QUESTION AUTHORITY! - John D Lee - 10/04/2003 - anon

I saw this bumper sticker a while back "I (heart shape) Mormon pussy" . Wish I knew where to get one...and I'm a gay boy! - 08/16/2003 - hotrodsarefun

Bumper Sticker, T-Shirt Etc

REMEMBER 9-11!
(1857)

REMEMBER 9-11
1857 * 2001
* moroni symbol, American flag etc - 08/09/2003 - anon

"Eat, Drink, Be Merry! For Tomorrow We Might Be In Utah!"--A Sign in Western Colorado. - 07/25/2003- anon

Creating gods since 1823. - 06/04/2003 - from Cid

Illinois Plate on "Holy Joe's" stretch-carriage: "LUMP IT" - 05/04/2003 - anon

The greatest case of double-entendre ever:

Hymn No. 6, "High on a Mountain Top" Verse Two:

For God remembers still
His promise made of old
That he on Zion's hill
Truth's standard will unfold

Her light should there
Attract the GAZE
Of all the world
In Latter-Days.

Now I understand why there are so many of us queer Mormom boys. - 04/11/2003 - from Rickywetboy@aol.com

Bad ideas for Mormonad slogans

Resistance is futile! - (bruin)

Oh my heck! I know beyond a shadow of a flippin' doubt that it is true. - (Sovnlosener - Insomniac)

BUMPER STICKER: In case of rapture this car will still not have enough seatbelts. - (blabber)

We aren't perfect, just way superior to you.

Why follow logic when you can follow a prophet?

Satisfaction guaranteed or double the guilt back.

We have all the answers. Just don't ask any questions.

Sapping the joy out of life since 1930. - (Stray Mutt)

Join us in these Latter-days, because Missouri needs company.

The LDS temple recommend. What's in YOUR wallet?

Mormons. We're everywhere you want to be.

Mention this ad to your friends.......and get your throat slit.

A message from the Mormons, keeping women in line since 1823.

So call today to schedule a discussion. Face it, we're coming over anyway.

Join us. It's really so much better if you don't fight.

Join us, now. If you don't we'll just get you when you're dead.

Call us today, and never settle for a second-rate lobotomy again.

From the Mormons. We just have one wife now.

From the Mormons. We're not as racist as we used to be.

The LDS Church. We offer two more heavens than those "other" churches. Don't you deserve more?

More bumper stickers

Silent note takers are taking notes, right now

Temple Square is the new Disneyworld

Sacrament white bread is against the Word of Wisdom

Honk if Mormons bug you too

Joseph Smith is Steven King's granpa

Abolish lengthly family prayer

Jesus didn't eat green Jell-o salad - 12/28/2002 JanDiego

Utah license plate slogans

Polygamy - Can't stop with just one

Love us or Leave!

Big Snow Small Minds!

How much for your wife?

Don’t Ask Questions!

4.3 Percent Real!

Big state, small minds

State of Denial

The Sedated State

You're Not Worthy

The Beauty is Only Snow Deep

Last Gas Before the Real World

Welcome to Our Planet

The Sancitmony State

The Whitest State

Because They Ran Us Out of the Good States

Land of the Bland

Bow Your Head and Say Yes

What state needs more than one religion?

God's country, just ask us

Celestial snow, but the people are hell

Perfecting the 50's

More kids than we can educate, and we like it that way

Where the roads are wide and the minds are narrow

Beautiful mountains, naturally and surgically-made

A church on every corner and a gun in every house

A pretty great theocracy

Got milk?

Got wheat?

Got Prozac?

Brigham didn't think anyone else would want itOnly Republicans allowed

The center of our universe

Where Jews are Gentiles

What do you know about Utah and would you like to know more?

The Constitution ends where our boarders begin

Jello capital of the world

Home of OZ

We love Prozac, but not Birth Control

Just give 10% and you will be happy

Marry one and get another free

You will love our underwear

bring 'em young" or "barefoot and pregnant

Every summer we forget how to drive in snow

"Welcome if you'll let us preach to you"

"Set your calendars back 150 years"

"Holy mountains, prayer rocks and seerstones"

"Kolob or Bust"

"Only state totally G-rated"

"Our drug is sugar"

"A subsidiary of the mormon church"

"Richest cult on earth"

"We promote mountain biking, but no one listens"

"No clue what the word JAZZ really means"

"No clue what the word BUZZ really means"

"The 'not quite' state"

"This is the place where the pioneers finally gave up"

Utah Centennial 1896-1996 Fifty Years of Progress

The Righteous State

Prozac Nation

The Behave State

Give us a Mormon Salute!

- Home of the Mormon Wedgie

Follow the Profit

Where the Thinking Has been Done!

We brake for the temple..

One state under Brigham Young..

I love the Buring in my Bosom.

Give 10% and it can make you bankrupt..

Got scriptures?

"My parents went to Nauvoo and all I got was this funny underwear." - 11/13/2002 - Enoch

SORRY I'VE MISSED CHURCH, I'VE BEEN BUSY PRACTICING WITCHCRAFT AND BECOMING A LESBIAN - 11/07/2002 - submitted by Jana B.

Fake plate seen on a bicycle in SLC: "SEAL THIS!" - 10/25/2002 - anon

Bumper Sticker - LDZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz - 05/31/2002 - anon

T-shirt: LDS Gay Pride (with picture of rainbow)

Bumper Sticker: Guilt Happens - 05/25/2002 - anon

Planet Kolob or Bust - 03/31/2002 created by Jana B

Mormon braincells...
die alone... - 09/29/2001 - from Bumpasticker

Brigham Young University
"Yea and I came to pass" - 09/27/2001 - Bigot Young

T - Shirts

"Until the Molympics the only Mormon mountain sports was the Mountain Meadows shooting contest." - 03/31/2002 - Matt

"Mormons... Dang it! What ARE they for?"

"Be like Gordon- Follow the Profit!" - 03/31/2002 - Matt

Stripping Warriorettes - Momma's BIG ONES - 08/21/2001 - Nephihahah

07/19/2001 - by Artofdesecration.com

T-Shirt slogan with Kolob logo available in children's sizes:

MY GRANDMA WENT TO KOLOB AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T-SHIRT! - 10/16/2000 - Jerry the Aspousestate

My grandpa went to the holy of holies and all I got was this lousy T-shirt. - 09/28/2000 - Beli

Why Wait! Start walking back now.

WE ARE MORMONS, RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED!

UTAH: This is the Place of Funny Laws, Funny Religion & Funny Underwear - 08/23/2000 - from utah with love

Test your garments & my accuracy at 500 feet.

Atlanta = Deep South - Provo = Deep Shit - 08/09/2000 - ano

BFD, which the church thinks it is
BFE, which is where I wish the whole God Damned church would disappear to - 01/23/2000 - Robert M and Todd M

No missionaries! God is welcome at anytime; apply in person only. - 01/22/2000 - Bobby

"Image is everything. Thirst (for knowledge / truth) is nothing." - 01/12/2000 - Wendy

T-Shirt Front: Jesus is Coming
Back: (And BOY is he PISSED!)

Eat at the 'Y'" (Also a travel stop)

T-shirt Front: What Would Jesus Do?
Back: Smite Ye, Thou Hypocrite

You Can't Excommunicate Me! I QUIT! - 11/07/1999 - Brigham Smith

"If you have to lie for your lord, maybe your lord isn't worth lying FOR! - 10/22/1999 - anon

Eat, Drink, And Be Merry, For Tommorrow You'll Be In Utah!

When You've Got Jesus, Who Needs Joseph?

Every Prison Has A Watchtower (For Jehovah's Witness)

I've Been Mormon, And I've Been Exmormon. I Prefer Exmormon.- 10/14/1999 - exmormonrobertson

Golden Plates my ass! 10/01/1999 - cray

Pay and Obey the Mormon Way - 09/10/1999 - Deanna

Classified and For Sale Ads

Help needed feeding multitude daily. Please send food to Smith family, no.s 10-50 Oak Drive SLC, UT

Cleaner wanted - Normal pay -10%. Must be good with children. Eternal contract available.

Double Dutch lessons - Young ex-Missionary willing to teach Double Dutch in exchange for lessons in Reformed Egyptian.

Apologies - This paper would like to say that we do not believe we ever published that. - 10/10/2001 - Nephihahah

For Sale: Seer stone and white hat. Used. No longer effective. Kit comes with afterlife guarantee of a good sized planet and spare wives. E-mail jsmithseerstonelooker@kolob.com - 05/10/2001 - anon

On a Manti, Utah Mini-Van:
EX-WIVES FOR SALE: (Take over payments)- 03/23/2000 - anon

License Plates

RUXLDS2 - 07/19/2000 - Amy

XALT - 05/26/2000 - anon

AZ Licence plate recently seen in Mesa: "WIFE 2" (Wonder what it meant?) - 05/15/2000 - anon

Actual License plate seen on a mini-van with "LDS" bumper sticker: "10INKAR" - 03/04/2000 - Brigham Smith

WWJD: What Would JOSEPH Do? - 11/07/1999 - anon

Comparitive Front (decorative) license plates:
Atlanta GA: W.W.J.D.(What Would Jesus Do),
Provo, UT: W.W.J.S.D.(What Would Joseph Smith Do) - 12/01/1999 - Brigham Smith

Radio Station Call Letters

Western US : KLDS, KULT, KOOK, KTBM, KCTR, KYBU, KRUS, KLOB, KRUD, KLIE, KUEP - The Voice of Colorado City, KXLDS, KXMO,

Eastern US : WLDS, WAKO, WERD, WTBM, WWJD, WFHE, WJOE, WWJSD, WOJO, WHY, WRNG "WRONG!", WHOA, WHAT

Canada : CLDS, CUKU, CRAP, CTBM

Mexico : XLDS, XZIT, XMEX - 09/10/1999 - Brigham Smith

License Plates

FLEE UTAH, TBM - 918, Greatest Snow Job On Earth - 09/10/1999 - Brigham Smith

These submitted 09/15/1999 - by Bit Twiddler

I think someone used a plate that said ... IMXLDSRU. Others?
On Joseph Smith's wagon ... ISPK4GOD
On Boyd KKK Packer's car ... HANDJOB
On a missionary bicycle ... PEDDLEIT
On Briggy's horses ... NOBLACKS PREXSTNC
On the Hinckster's Vespa ... THPROFIT
On several carts around Nauvoo ... JSFUKDME

Bumper Snickers

Ol' Joe - Prophet, Seer and Fornicator - 10/11/2001 - anon

Third Grade: The ten best years of a Mormon's life

Who was that Mormon I saw you outwit last night?

10/10/2001 by Nephihahah

"My other handcart is a piece of s*** too!" - 10/10/2001 - anon

08/21/2001 - Nephihahah

Endowment country- I slow down for Garments

My blessing is bigger than yours

My other wife's a looker

07/19/2001 - anon

"Tom Green for Prophet"

07/17/2001 - Poisein Pen

Intellectual Reserve is Neither

Intellectual Reserve, also known as the Ute Reservation-SLC, where they send renegade BYU professors (or something to that effect).

THAT'S NOT MY EXHAUST! IT'S MY BURNING IN THE BOSOM!

MY OTHER SIX WIVES ARE CINDY CRAWFORD LOOK-ALIKES

CAUTION! MELCHIZEDEK PRIESTHOOD HOLDER AT WHEEL! YIELD!

DON'T FOLLOW ME! FOLLOW THE BRETHREN!

I'M A MORMON! I DON'T DRINK! I DON'T SMOKE AND I DON'T THINK!

I'M A RETURNED MISSIONARY. PLEASE DON'T RETURN YOURS!

THIS VEHICLE IS BEING OPERATED BY THE HOLY GHOST. DO NOT HONK! (HE DOESN'T LIKE IT!)

SAVE ON YOUR LIGHT BILL! JOIN ME IN OUTER DARKNESS!

I'M A DANITE. DON'T CUT IN!

I AM A GENERAL AUTHORITY. FOLLOW ME!

THIS VAN IS CARRYING EIGHT FUTURE GODS - PLEASE DRIVE CAREFULLY!

HEADED FOR THE CELESTIAL KINGDOM - DON'T GET IN MY WAY!

SPIRIT CHILDREN ARE WAITING FOR BODIES! HAVE YOU HAD PROCREATIVE SEX TODAY?

IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT THE PROPHET SAYS, BE PATIENT! THERE'LL BE A NEW ONE SOON!

ASK ME HOW YOU TOO CAN BECOME A SON OF PERDITION!

TEMPLE RECOMMENDS FOR SALE, CHEAP!

STILL ONLY IN INNER DARKNESS, BUT I'M WORKING ON IT

NEED BLOOD ATONEMENT? ASK ME! (CUT RATES!)

SURPLUS WIVES FOR SALE OR TRADE (BARELY USED) (MUST BE PRIESTHOOD HOLDER)

EGYPTIAN PAPYRUS FOR SALE OR TRADE WAS FORMERLY WRITTEN BY ABRAHAM

I GIVE PATRIARCHAL BLESSINGS (YOUR PLACE OR MINE) (GUARANTEED)

FAMILY HOME EVENING? TRY AN ORGY! GET THE KIDS INVOLVED!

I KNOW THE LIGHT HAS TURNED GREEN! I'M WAITING FOR THE HOLY SPIRIT TO TELL ME TO GO.

PRAYING WILL MAKE IT SO!

DON'T SLOW ME DOWN! I'M MORMON AND ONLY 99% PERFECT, BUT WORKING ON IT!

TIRED OF DOING YOUR OWN THINKING? GET HELP NOW! BECOME A MORMON AND NEVER HAVE TO THINK AGAIN, EVER!

GET THE NEWEST RAPPER HIT "HEALTH IN THE NAVEL, MARROW IN THE BONES"

I AM ON MY WAY TO GODHOOD. DO NOT PASS!

I AM AN EVOLUTIONIST - I HAVE EVOLVED INTO A THINKING HUMAN BEING. NO CREATIONIST CAN MAKE THAT STATEMENT!

GORDON B. HINKLEY HOLDS THE KEYS! BUT WILL HE UNLOCK THE DOOR AND LET YOU OUT?

BE NICE TO ME! I AM ONE OF THE THREE NEPHITES

VISIT THE LANDS OF FANTASY AND MAKE-BELIEVE: DISNEYLAND AND TEMPLE SQUARE

WE THANK THEE, O GOD, FOR A PROFIT!

BURNING IN THE BOSOM? TRY TUMS!

YOU'RE IN UTAH! DID YOU REMEMBER TO LEAVE YOUR BRAINS AT THE STATE LINE?

VISIT TEMPLE SQUARE, WHERE ALL YOUR PRE-APPROVED QUESTIONS WILL BE ANSWERED

UTAH! WHERE JEWS ARE GENTILES, AND NOTHING ELSE MAKES SENSE, EITHER!

I'VE BEEN SAVED FROM MORMONISM

DON'T SEARCH THE SCRIPTURES! SEARCH THE INTERNET! www.exxmormon.org

Who says a man cannot serve two masters: The Mormon Church and the IRS. - 09/25/2000 - Blash

For THIS I paid 10%? - 08/30/2000 - SaorStat

UTAH, Home of Church Sponsered Kidnapping

Joseph's first Vision: Moe, Larry & Curley

Carl Malone is my favorite "LAMANITE"

Kiss My Ass, I'M MORMON

LDS = Last Days of Satan

LDS = Lay Down Sisters

LDS = Last Days of Sin

LDS = Lucifers Devoted Servants

ZCMI: Zion Coverting Modern Indians

LAMANITE: A made up word by a made up church

No Proof! No Profit! No Church!

LDS: Just another four letter word - 08/23/2000 - from utah with love

CTR: Corrupt The Righteous
CTR: Choose Trojan Rubbers
CTR: Chew The Rice
CTR: Can't Trust Religion
ZCMI: Zions Collection Of Mormon Idiots
- 07/19/2000 - from utah with love

My Bishop Can Beat Up Your Bishop!
Don't Honk: I'm having a Divine Revelation!
BYU: Breedum Young University
Satans Church is alive and well in Utah.
Utahs 2 Dumb Animals: Sheep & Mormons
Lamanite, Your Ass!
We Thank Thee O God for a Profit!
LDS & LSD: Two Ways of Mind Control
The Joseph Smith Story: From Rags to Riches!
LDS: Lay Down Sisters
Blood Atonement Available Here: CUT RATES!
Thank God, I'm Not A MORMON!
UTAH: Under Temple Authority Here - 07/17/00 - anon

What, Me REVELATE? - Alfred E. Newman - 07/02/2000 - anon

Visualize World Domination : The Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints - 05/15/2000 - anon

On Gordon's stretch Suburban (and its "deep darks" tinted windows)
"Quit Whining About My Refining"
04/05/2000 - brighamsmith

"I am the INTELLECTUAL your Prophet Warned you About!"
REAL Jesus Can!
"Refine It and Forget It!"
- 01/10/2000 - Brigham Smith

"Guardtower" Magazine - 12/08/1999 - anon

On the wall at the Church Office Building: "QUIET!" Leaders Thinking! - 12/01/1999 - Brigham Smith

Blasphemy is a Victimless Crime. 10/15/1999 - Kelly A.

Utah, A Pretty Fake State - 10/05/1999 - baddog

A bumper sticker often seen on Suburbans in the Phoenix-Mesa area: (True Story-No Really True!) "No, We're Not" "We're Not" - 09/10/1999 - anon

I was reading some of this stuff..okay, honestly? Some of the stuff is pretty funny. I'll give you credit to that.but most of it is pure garbage. It's stupid and insulting. Keep up the good work..wait, that's not what you do..is it? - 12/19/2008 - Karen

You people are all retarded. First off, if you're going to use 'prose' to slander someone, at least spell what you are trying to say correctly. Looks to me like we have a bunch of 3rd grade anti-Mormons on our hands. And David Peters ? Hey what's up dude it's Eli. By the way, that t shirt up there ? What exactly is 'descrimination' ? Dude, when you type it, it puts a red line under it, at least click that to fix it. - 08/30/2007 - Eli

Wanna be a God? Only 356 commandments to follow.... (Some magick underwear, 10% of all income, and total suspension of all independant thought required. And maybe some complete reprogramming. All God offers are final, unless you stuff it up, in which case we will be sending missionaries around to harass you until the Second Coming. And maybe afterwards too.) - 07/26/2008 - PaganChristianPrincess