FARMS and FAIR Acrimonious Acronyms

Funny Farms and Fair -e- Go'Round

Please contribute a new acronym or two for this group of FARMERS, and Fair Ones who sew the wild oats of falacy while chasing wild geese, fishing for red herrings and falling off of their rameumptoms by entering the acronyms in the box below. For a review of comments about these two apologetic organizations just click here: FARMS and FAIR

I think Sterling McMurrin was bang on when he wrote:

"The chief theological atrocities are currently committed at the Brigham Young University, where there is a studied irrationalism and a sophistical effort to square the doctrines with ancient and esoteric lore, scriptural and non-scriptural, rather than with the facts of life." Sterling McMurrin, "On Mormon Theology," Dialogue, Vol. 1:2, p.140

Best is: This was published in 1966!!! Long before FARMS appeared on the scene. McMurrin for prophet, seer and revelator. Too bad he wasn't an "active" Mormon and is dead by now. - 06/15/2000 - James

Former BYU Prof Richard Poll stated once (on master-apologet Hugh Nibley):

"[Nibley] has been a security blanket for Latter-day Saints to whom dissonance is intolerable.His contribution to dissonance management is not so much what he has written, but that he has written. After knowing Hugh Nibley for forty years, I am of the opinion that he has been playing games with his readers all along.Relatively few Latter-day Saints read the Nibley books that they give to one another, or the copiously annotated articles that he has contributed to church publications. It is enough for most of us that they are there." in "Brigham Young University: A House of Faith," Gary J. Bergera and Ronald Priddis, SLC, 1985, p. 362 - courtesy of James - 06/15/2000

Sponge Tom, Temple Square Pants held a press conference in the Conning Tower media room in Salt Lake City today to announce that the BYU think tank known as F.A.R.M.S. has been renamed to reflect closer alignment with its revised mission statement.

Now that President Hinckley is with Jesus (explaining why he denied most of the gospel on The Larry King Show), Sponge Tom made it clear the Church would stop apologizing for its beliefs and start expostulating them instead.

The F.A.R.M.S. organization's new name shall be known on the records of the Church from this day forth as:

Foundation Expostulating Celestial Excellence & Scholarship

Frickin' Anal Retentive Moronic Studies - 12/14/2008 - mad_jesuit

Fraud And Regurgitated Muck Soley - 09/11/2007 - Grateful ExMo

Foundation for the Acquistion of Rich Mormon's Savings - FARMS - 12/22/2006 - Darrick Evenson

Fools Assholes Rejects Morons & Shitheads - FARMS - 12/22/2006 - Darrick Evenson

Fallacious Attempts to Reconcile Mormonism & Science - FARMS - 05/05/2006 - Cora

Fools Are In Residence - 05/05/2006 - Cora

Fake And Ridiculous Mormon Solutions - FARMS - 01/17/2006 - Hermey

Fight Against Real Mormon Scholars - FARMS - 01/17/2006 - Hermey

Facts Are Ignored Repeatedly - FAIR - 01/17/2006 - Hermey

Fight Against Intelligent Research - FAIR - 01/17/2006 - Hermey

Frequent Artless Ridicule Made Simple - 01/28/2006 - John Weldon

Facilitating A Religion Mentally Suspect - 07/10/2005 - DumDumDum

Fat Assed Republicans Masterbating Simultaneously - 07/10/2005 - anon

Fooling Around Reading Mormon Shit - 07/10/2005 - anon

Fiction Articulated in Riddles - FAIR - 1/09/2005 - activejackmormon

Foundation for Apologetic Research and Truth - FART - 09/18/2004 - Dave

Foolishly Allowing Ignorance to Reproduce - FAIR

Flagrantly Advocating Incoherent Ramblings - FAIR

Fastidious Articles Involving the Ridiculous - FAIR

Foolish Apologetics Instead of Reason - FAIR - 08/01/2004 - by Dr. Shades

Faking Actual Intellectuel Research - FAIR - 07/11/2004 - Bob

Facts Aren't Important, Really - FAIR

Four Asinine Idiots Rationalizing - FAIR

Fear About Immediate Rejection - FAIR

Forcing An Imminent Rationalization - FAIR

From An Insecure Reviewer - FAIR

F*ck! Another Idea Rejected - FAIR - 07/11/2004 - from Joseph-the-smith@lds.org

Frantic Attempt to Ignore Reality - FAIR - 07/11/2004 - SLCabbie

Fucking 'alarious Recitation of Mormon Satire - 07/11/2004 - variouspuz

Falsified Archeological Research for Mormon Studies - 06/21/2004 - anon

SETI - Search for Extremely Tangential Information

FBI - Foundation for Bullshitting Idiots

UNESCO - Unrelated Nephite Excrement and Saintly Conference Offerings

USA - Utah State's Agents

NASA - Never Actually Saw Anything - 05/15/2004 - from Nephihaha

Failed All Reading, Mathematics, and Sciences - 05/03/2004 - anon

Fucking Archeaologists Ruined My Scriptures! - 04/02/2004 - anon

False Acumen Rules Mormon Sentiments - 02/13/2004 - from medicinwolf

Fake Ass Religion Management Society

Fraudulent Arrogant Republicans Meet Secretly

Faking A Revelation Means Something

Fucking Around Really Makes Sense - 02/07/2004 - from Jim McMahon

Futile Attempts to Rescue Mormon Scholarship - FARMS - 11/14/2003 - Steve Benson

Flimsy Anthill Revisionism of Mountains of Sophism - FARMS - 11/04/2003 - from Reggie Living-stoned Seagull

Foundation for Apologetic Revision of Mormon Scams - FARMS - 11/01/2003 - Ghoulslime

Foundation for Abysmal Research and Moronic Studies - FARMS

Frauds Against Intelligent Responses - FAIR - 10/20/2003 - from D. P Gumby

Forgot About Real Modern Society

Frequent Anal Retention Means Sainthood - 10/17/2003 - Gordy R

Forever Avoiding Reality Makes Saints - 10/17/2003 - Utah Nerd

Fools Advocating Ridiculous Mormon Shit - 10/12/2003 - from My bosom's burned out

Floundering Appologists Rewriting Mormon Studies - 08/22/2003 - from dafushpu

Fuckwits Attempting to Resemble Mormon Scholars - 08/11/2003 - from former RC, former LDS

Forever Anal Rentive Masquerade of Science - FARMS - 08/20/2003 - cricket

Real Archaeology Not Chronic Hydrocephalic Egotistical Spam - RANCHES - 08/20/2003 - Kelly A

Foundation to Annihiliate or Rehabilitate Mormon Skeletons - FARMS - 08/20/2003 - from Stinger

Totally Vapid Etymologically Deficient Tutor of Nonsensical Esoterically Spun Smithisms - TVEDTNESS - 06/09/2003 - Nolan Mecham

Front for American Reorganisation of Mesoamerican States - 05/02/2003 - from CIA

Fictitious Archaeological Research Manufacturing Society - FARMS - 02/27/2003 - from Phoebe

Faith, Arrogance and Ignorance in Religion - FAIR - 12/20/2002 - Perry Noid

For All Remotely Mormon Stupidity

Fascist Archeologists Reading Misinterpreted Scratches - 11/16/2002 - from Nephihaha

Fictional Animals Roaming Mesoamerican Sites - 09/21/2002 - Skunk Puppet

Found Answers Contradicting Temple Stories - FACTS - 08/11/2002 - anon

False Assumptions & Rejected Manuscripts Society - 06/21/2002 - from Nephihaha

Foundation for Absurdly-Reduced Men of Straw - 06/09/2002 - Quevedo

Frequent Ad hominem Remarks Mimicking Scholarship - 12/15/2001 - Kilgore

Fantastic Angels are Really Morphing Salamanders - 10/30/2001 - Dr. Shades

Feeble Arguments Regarding Mr. Spalding - 10/30/2001 - Dr. Shades

Frantic Attempts to Rectify Moroni as Salamander - 10/30/2001 - Dr. Shades

Forget All References to Mischievous Salamanders - 10/30/2001 - Dr. Shades

Frivolous, Asinine Responses to Masterful Skepticism - 10/30/2001 - Dr. Shades

Flatulent Academia Rooting for Mormon Silliness - 08/21/2001 - Nephihahaha

Fraudulent Archaeologists Rebutting Mormon Skeptics - 06/13/2001 - John D. Lee

Fanatical Apologists Reinforcing Mormonism's Stupidities

Fraternal Alliance for Regurgitating Mountainous Spindoctoring

Frenzied Apologetics Repulsive to Mainstream Scholars

Feeble Attempts to Reconcile Mythology and Science - 05/29/2001 - Dr. Shades

For Another Reason Mormonism Sucks - 05/20/2001 - anon

Frantically Attempting to Reassess MtDNA Statistics - 05/06/2001 - Dr. Shades

Frantically Altering Repugnant Mormon Scriptures

Foolish And Rude Mormonism Specialists - 12/13/2000 - Dr. Shades

Fanatics Always Reject Modern Science - 10/12/2000 - BrighamSmith

Fueling A Returned Missionary's (p)Sychosis - 09/29/2000 - John D. Lee

Failed Archaeologists Really Misapplying Science

Fanatical About Really Meaningless Shit

Failed Archeologist Resenting Mainstream Science

Fanatical Amateurs Rehash Mythical Stories - 09/19/2000 - R.T.P.

Far-fetched Analysis Readers Might Swallow - 07/19/2000 - Mark F

Failing Again to Really Make any Sense - 07/18/2000 - John D Lee

Foolish Anal Retentives Making up Stories - 07/12/2000 - ARM

Failing Again Investigating Reality - FAIR - 07/12/2000 - cricket

Fast Acting Rectal Mormon Suppositories - 04/18/2000 - John D Lee

Flailing androids ransacking miniscule scholarship. - 03/31/2000 - kponder

Finicky analguys rummaging massacred sense. - 03/31/2000 - kponder

Finally, Archaeology is Revealing Mormon Stupidity - 02/05/2000 - John D Lee

Forget About Research Making Sense - 01/06/2000 - anon

Fanatics Are Running My School - 12/13/1999 - John1

Fiction And Rubbish, Mr. Smith - 11/08/1999 - anon

Fools Abound Ransacking Mounds Seriously - 11/07/1999 - Blash

Formal Ass'n of Retards Masquerading as Scholars - 11/07/1999 - Blash

Foundation Against Religiously Moronic Stupidity - 09/17/1999 - Bobby

Forever Accepting Ridiculous Mormon Stories - 08/05/1999 - Roger

Failing Application for Recommend = Mass Suicide - 08/05/1999 - anon

Fridge Apple Rhino Mousse Spoon (hey it makes more sense than their theology!) - 07/30/1999 - dyonese

finding a real f_cking mess spiritually - 07/28/1999 - blue

Faith Automatically Reduces Monthly Salary - 07/20/1999 - DC

Further Antics Reveal Mormon Stupidity - 07/20/1999 - DC

Foul Aroma Regarding Mormon Scripture - 07/20/1999 - DC

Facts Are Repugnant Muses Saints - 07/20/1999 - DC

Factual Accounts Reveal Mormon Stupidity - 07/20/1999 - DC

Fraternal Alliance Retarding Mormon Subjects - 07/20/1999 - DC

Fathers Abound Recruting Maternal Slavery - 07/20/1999 - DC

Fecal Aroma Repulses Most Scholars - 07/20/1999 - DC

Forget About Researching Mormon Scripture - 07/20/1999 - DC

False Agent Rewrote Master Script - 07/20/1999 - DC

For All Retards,Mormonism Simplified - 07/03/1999 - anon

Friendship And Real Masculine Sensitivity - 06/30/1999 - Nascarago

Fast and Rapid Membership Solicitation - 06/30/1999 - Nascarago

Forthright Anti's Rejecting Mormon Scholarship - 06/03/1999 - skidmarky@netscape

False Appearances Render Monumental Silences - 05/07/1999 - descarada

Fingers Are Really Miraculous Stimulatiors - 05/06/1999 - jlaitres

Fabricated Artifical Ridiculous Mormon Stuff - 04/23/1999 - Fred

Fodder Aimed at Retards, Morons and Simpletons - 04/20/1999 - Blashoodaloom

Flaming Anal Retentive Mormon Snivelers - 04/20/1999 - Blashoodaloom

F*** Anyone who Resists Mormon Scholarship - 04/20/1999 - Blashoodaloom

F*** All Rational Methods and Science - 04/20/1999 - Blashoodaloom

Foundation of Anal Rectumtude and Moronic Silliness - 04/20/1999 - Blashoodaloom

Fearing Against Rejects Morons Scandals - 04/13/1999 - Aaron

Foundation for Accessing Rich Mormons Salaries - 04/13/1999 - anon

Foundation Advancing Ridiculous Mormon Stuff - 04/04/1999 - DataHavok

Fogies And Retards Making-up Stories - 04/04/1999 - DataHavok

Failing And Retreating Mormon Studies - 04/04/1999 - DataHavok

F-ing A-holes Rejecting Modern Science - 04/04/1999 - DataHavok

Facing Arguments, Ridiculous Midgets Sneer - 04/01/1999 - anon

Far Above the Retrograde Minds of the Skeptics - 04/01/1999 - anon

Finding Arguments that are Rational and Make Sense - 04/01/1999 - anon

Fund for Agitating the Really Malevolent and Stupid - 04/01/1999 - anon

Foundation for Arousing Rattlebrained Morons' Sarcasm - 04/01/1999 - anon

F*** Accountability, Really Make `em Scream - 04/01/1999 - Masturbating Korihor

Frothy And Rabit Misogynist Septuagenarians - 04/01/1999 - Masturbating Korihor

Formostly Asinine Rude Mormons Simperin - 04/01/1999 - Masturbating Korihor

Fabulously Accurate Research Methodology & Scholarship - 03/31/1999 - anon

Findings About Righteously Mindless Sheit - 03/31/1999 - anon

Farting Ancients Releasing Methane Salvos - 03/31/1999 - anon

Fat Asses Reading Mormon Stuff - 03/31/1999 - anon

Fabulously Anachronistic Renderings Make Sense - 03/31/1999 - anon

Foolish Are Realistic Mormon Studies - 03/31/1999 - anon

For Any Really Messy Scholars - 03/31/1999 - anon

Fanciful Assertions Regarding MesoAmerican Stuff - 03/31/1999 - thejordan6

Farts Amid Rude Mormons Stink - 03/30/1999 - Nolan

Fruitcake Aged Reasonably Makes Spam - 03/29/1999 - anonymous

False Academic Retarded Mormon Screwballs - 03/29/1999 - anonymous

Finding A Reason to Mindlessly Serve - 03/29/199 - Jimukin

Fudging and Anal Retentive Mormon Sycophant - -3/29/1999 - freak

Find Any Reason for Making 'Scuses - 03/29/1999 - anonymous

Fuel All Returned Missionary Sentiments - 03/29/1999 - anonymous

Fund Any Ridiculously Misleading Study - 03/29/1999 - anonymous

Frick'n Anti's Ruin My Slumber - 03/29/1999 - Hugh Nibley

Flurry of Anal Retentive Mormon Solutions - 03/29/1999 - nlmecham

Find Any Reason for Mormons to Stay - 03/29/1999 - nlmecham

Fending Away Reasonable Mormon Skepticism - 03/29/1999 - nlmecham

Fan-dancing Amid Rabid Mormon Superciliousness - 03/29/1999 - nlmecham

Farts And Real Mormon Silliness - 03/29/1999 - nlmecham

Fanatical Arena of Ridiculous Mormon Suppositions - 03/28/1999 - C-town

False And Revolting Misapplied Scholarship - 03/28/1999 - drshades

Faith As Replacement for Mind and Science - 03/28/1999 - Jerry

Faulty Arguments Refuting Mormon Skeptics - 03/28/1999 - Jerry

First Aid for Ridiculous Mormon Stories - 03/28/1999 - Jerry

Fishing for Answers to Refute Modern Scholarship - 03/28/1999 - anonymous

Flee All Relevant Mayan Studies - 03/28/1999 - anonymous

Fuming And Rambunctious Mormon Screeds - 03/28/1999 - anonymous

Fluent Avoidance of Relevant Mormon Science - 03/28/1999 - anonymous

Far-fetched And Ridiculous Memetic Scenarios - 03/28/1999 - anonymous

Failed Archaeologists Regurgitating Meaningless Scriptures - 03/28/1999 - drshades

Faithfully Altering & Rewriting Mormon Stories - 03/28/1999 - anonymous

Foundation For Aquiring Rich Mormon's Salaries - 03/20/1999 - anonymous

Feeble Arguments Reconciling Myths and Scams - 02/23/1999 - Oregon

Fiction And Religion Merged Smoothly - 03/15/1999 - anonymous

Floundering Acrimonious Republican Mormon Scholars - 03/15/1999 - anonymous

Frivolous Advancement of Ridiculous Mementoes and Spins - 03/15/1999 - anon

Foundation Against Reliable Modern Science - 03/15/1999 - anon

Faculty Appealing Rejected Membership Smithsonian - 03/15/1999 - anonymous

Frenzied Academics Ramrodding Mormon Stories - 03/12/1999 - Elder Alfred E. Newman

Fringe Academics Regurgitating Mayan Scams - 03/12/1999 - Dr. Leaky

In October 1993, to a fawning FARMS banquet audience in Provo, Utah (well-known intellectual capital of the known world, of course), Dallin Oaks said the following:

"Brothers and Sisters, how grateful we are--all of us who rely on scholarship, faith, and revelation--for what you are doing. "God bless the founders and the supporters and the workers of the Foundation for Ancient Research and Mormon Studies. "The work that you do is important, it is well-known, and it is appreciated." ( http://farms.byu.edu/display.php?id=30&table=transcripts )

Yeah, ask anyone on the street. Where? In Utah Valley and LDS Sunday School classes from here to Manti?

Truth be known, even the average LDS person doesn't know FARMS from FAIR from FAKE from FACT.

I'll bet there are only a handful of members in any given ward who know jack about FARMS. They may have seen something about it in a BYU alum mag.

Heck, they barely remember hearing about Hugh Nibley (who they assumed had all the problem doctrine covered).

Oaks was stroking their egos with total BS just like in church when we got told how impressed the world is with the LDS church. - 03/02/2006 - Dagny

All of my most True Believing Mormon friends and family have never heard of FARMS. My most nazi TBM friend actually lived right next to the FARMS building on the edge of BYU campus for several years and still had no idea who they were. Of course, if you have no idea that anything could possibly be wrong with the Mormon church, why would FARMS even be relevant?

FARMS is proof that the church is not true. - 03/02/2006 - Squid

I call it the LFT, "Limited Farms Theory"

The number of members who are knowledgeable of FARMS is limited a small portion of members known only as "Internet Mormons" - 03/02/2006 - Polygamy Porter

FARMS is well known, within a circle of very limited intellect. - 03/02/2006 - FWIW

When I read this (Fat Assed Republicans Masterbating Simultaneously) as one of the choices for the best acronym for FAIR, I actually laughed so hard that I peed my pants. You need to put a warning on this site that reading it may be hazardous to one's bladder. You will pardon me if I remain anonymous for this quote. - 02/27/2006 - anon