Pearlettes of Great Price - Tiny Treasures of Truth Discovered on the Internet

I might have lost my soul, but at least I still have my mind. - 04/04/2016 - exmormon_Apostate at reddit/r/exmormon

As Mormonism is, Christianity once was, as Christianity is now, so Mormonism may become. - 08/23/2015 - UhtredBeeblebrox

The Mormon Church taught me that all other churches were wrong. Then I found out they were wrong too.- 08-16-2014 - Baura

My dog has Health in the navel. marrow in the bones, strength in the loins and in the sinews. He does not, however - have power in the Priesthood. That is reserved for the Cat. - 08/15/2015 - Nephi at postmormon.org

The word Mormon rhymes with Norman. Likewise, the word Mormal rhymes with normal. So at the heart of things, you've got "Morm" on one hand and "norm" on the other hand, meaning that, with a few minor adjustments, "Mormon" is really close to "normal" and normal is not weird. In fact, if you spell normal backwards, you get the name Lamron, which is so much like a name from the Book of Mormon that you almost can't believe that it's not in the Book of Mormon. Coincidence? I thinketh not. - 03/25/2010 - by Gorspel Dacktrin

In Mormonism: "The more there is to know, the less there is to like." - 03/03/2010 - Idea Guy

An "award" coming from the LDS Church for a civil rights leader is like the Catholic Church presenting an award to a Child Protective Services agency. - 02/24/2010 - PtLoma

Mormon Zionetics - techniques for feeling free in a totalitarian paradise. - 01/28/2010 - 3X

Style before substance. That's what mormonism is. I never had a testimony. My father told me: just attend, and the rest will come later. But the rest is only more attendance. - 01/07/2010 - Don Bagley

FLDS is to Utah as LDS is to the rest of the world. - 12/11/2009 - Makurosu

It is hard to tell parodies of Mormonism from the real thing, since they both seem equally insane. Conversely, real Mormonism can easily be mistaken for a parody of Mormonism. - 12/06/2009 - adapted from Poe's Law

"Mormonism, like a good vacuum cleaner, when taken as prescribed, will suck your soul dry and leave an eternal empty hole where your heart used to be." - 12/05/2009 - Shamdango

A Mormon is someone who has read Joseph Smith. An anti-Mormon is someone who understands Joseph Smith. - 12/04/2009 - by Just A Guy

LDS Relief Society General Conference, and the Ringling Bros. Circus are both in downtown SLC. I watched pictures of the "sisters" filing into the Conference Center on TV news.Also watched the Circus Parade....hard to tell which was which. - 10/10/2009 - NotNow

Mormons care more about WHO's right than WHAT's right. - 11/30/2009 - by Leaving

Converting someone is so labor-intensive. Letting someone have their own journey: priceless. - 04/06/2009 - Uncle Mo

Get thee behind me, Mormon Church! - 03/30/2009 - Teri M.

Mormons are like vampires. Showing a cross or crucifix will ward off Mormons before they get close enough to suck your blood. - 02/10/2009 - anon

All I can say now is: Pay Lay Ale. (which being interpreted means "Oh GAWD, I can't believe I bought into that bullshit" - repeated three times) - 12/28/2008 - Diapason

There is more evidence to suggest that Joseph Smith had sex with his wives than there is that he saw God and Jesus in 1820. If Mormons will believe that story with such weak support, why will they not accept such a strong case for Joseph Smith practicing polygamy as the Lord commanded? - 12/25/2008 - by Deconstructor of Recovery from Mormonism

Q: What's the difference between God and Santa?

A: You eventually admit there is no such thing as Santa. - 12/25/2008 - anon

You go to the Mormon temple and get the sure sign of the nail which is approximately the same as a screw, which is symbolic of what the Church does to its members from cradle to grave. - 06/21/2008 - Sally Suresign

A difference has been identified between FLDS and LDS: One cult named a university after their favorite polygamist. Plans for Warren Jeffs University are currently on hold, however. - 04/20/2008 - by 3X

There really is no substantial difference between FLDS and LDS other than one has a great PR machine and lots of money to spend on carefully scripted advertising, carefully worded conference speeches, finely tuned press releases and interview answers.

So one is an elegant looking Siamese and the other a scruffy Tabby. They're both still cats. - 04/20/2008 - by Tiphanie

Regarding confusion on how Joseph Smith translated: "The title of Hinckley's address was "The Stone Cut Out of the Mountain"; it should have been "The Stone in Joseph's Hat"! - 04/20/2008 - anon

I knew someone who took more than one piece of bread on Fast Sunday if they had been broken too small . Excused himself by saying `He could never get enough of Jesus`. You can`t argue with that. - 04/16/2008 - by copolt

Well, you have Salt Lake City General Authorities talking about how sex is a sacred act about bringing God into the bedroom, so it's just one step further to take the bedroom into the temple.

"We've been sealed by the holy priesthood, Dear, now it's time for the sacred ordinance of copulation." - 04/10/2008 - Stray Mutt

Thomas Monson's Goldren Rule revealed: Do unto others as the Brethren have done unto you. - 04/09/2008 - Blash

Most of the General Authorities develop a strange look with time that is due to the unfortunate effects of mixing Postum with embalming fluid. - 04/08/2008 - Helamonster

In a national taste test, most Kool-Aid drinkers prefer Joseph Smith. - 04/03/2008 - Primus

Regarding General Conference: I have my General Authority Inaction Figures Game at the ready and a pail of Prozac and I have my waders ready to slip on and if it gets really deep I have a snorkel and a mask. - 04/02/2008 - Joseph's Myth

Regarding Mormon Temple Weddings:

My wedding to an atheist I met online 5 years ago was everything I wanted. We got married in a forest by a stream on a very big mountain, with my kids as witnesses. I didn't want a big wedding that time. I just wanted to get married in a happy place on my terms without a green apron anywhere in sight! - 01/13/2008 - kc

Regarding Elder Ballard's admonition for Mormons to use the Internet to spread the good word resulting in a flood unwanted posts to Recovery from Mormonism:

Clearly the slogan of yesteryear was: "Every member a missionary."

The new programme is called: "Every member a troll." - 01/12/2008 - Matt

Regarding why the Osmonds were crying on TV:

I just saw a preview of Donny balling his eyes out. What's the latest personal revelation to get public attention?

They just realized they're Mormons - 01/11/2008 - by Raymond and Stray Mutt

Regarding the Mormon admonition to follow the prophet:

If a member has a question or an issue that s/he hasn't heard the answer to yet, many times, s/he is told to trust in the prophet. The prophet wouldn't lead anyone astray. The answers will come in time.

You're on a need to know basis, and you don't need to know. - 01/11/2008 - anon

Regarding experience of convert to Mormonism:

"We purchased the Mormon underwear and went about our daily lives being uncomfortable. Our children were brought up to believe the only true church was where they attended." - 01/07/2008 - anon

There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life. And Mormons are over represented on the preservation committee. - 12/30/2007 - lg2

Regarding when Mormon prophets speak for God or themselves:

I don't know how to reconcile that with the notion of inspired leaders. When are they speaking for god and when are they speaking as idiots? When I pray about a specific "thing" they have said, I can get both a yes answer and a no answer. - 12/28/2007 - Brian the Christ

Moroni blows his trumpet on the outside of buildings. If his statue were inside the chapel, he would have to be playing the violin. - 12/20/2007 - Tall, Dark and Loathsome

When it comes to Mormonism's "White and Delightsome" variety of milk, I suddenly become lactose intolerant. - 12/19/2008 - Timothy

Regarding Mitt Romney slamming polygamy:

Is he willing to denounce Joseph Smith as a prophet then, since he was the one who said polygamy was necessary to get into heaven?

Has Smith become prophet non grata? - 12/15/2007 - anon

I listened to a couple of the Ex-Mormon Conference addresses--better than General Conference by far, of course, and better than Sunstone, too. It's amazing how much useful information you can give and get when you don't have idiotic ideas to defend! - 11/12/2007 - Robert B

Why is the Mormon cult still so tiny? It's had over 175 years to add members but it's still an insignificant little blister on the butt of humankind. - 10/27/2007 - EverAndAnon at Recovery from Mormonism

General Authorities of the LDS Church commonly use their middle initials in their individualnames (e.g., Gordon B. Hinckley, etc.) in an attempt to emulate their one and only true savior Jesus H. Christ. - 06/08/2007 - Hawk

So many gods, so little time. Thousands and thousands of them. All created in the image of mankind. That is why they are so diverse. The creativity and imagination of humans just never stops! - 05/18/2007 - by SusieQ#1

"Okay, we know the Church is true. Why can't we just go to a one hour meeting once a month? Does the Church become any more true because we spend five hours in Church meetings every Sunday?" - 03/26/2007 sm

Maybe you can tell something about a religion by their relics. The Catholic Church has the Holy Shroud. Mormons have the Wallet of Martin Harris. - 03/25/2007 - Sam

Test, test, this is only a test.Had this been an actual divinely-inspired prophesy from Gordon B. Hinckley, you would have been told where to tune in your area for directions to Independence, Missouri. - 03/21/2007 - by Steve Benson

I'm a better missionary as an exmormon than I ever was as a Mormon. - 03/09/2007 - John Andersen

BYU bans YouTube on campus. That's okay. BYU is banned at our house. - 02/28/2008 - Makurosu

The "foundation" of the church was laid with a different "building" in mind. It's no wonder that there's been so much dissembling, lack of forthrightness, and misinformation. They're trying to build a shopping mall on a foundation meant for a cathedral. It's never going to work completely no matter what one does. - 02/27/2007 - Maturin

And while we're on the topic of names, what the hell kind of name is Mitt?

The ultimate Mormon knick-name: SubMitt. - 02/26/2007 - by substrate and Laszlo G. Romney

Polygamy corrupts and everlasting polygamy corrupts forever.

Dishonesty corrupts and absolute dishonesty corrupts absolutely. - 02/25/2007 - by OK Olsen

Its funny how it [Mormonism] hits people. Its a terrible burden when you believe it, and a swift kick in the ass when you discover you don't believe it. - 02/25/2007 - lightfingerlouie Pearlette

For mormons alcohol has two speeds: you're either a tee-totaler or you're an alcoholic. - 02/24/2007 - LongGone2

I don't think I'd read anything by Daniel C. Peterson if it was the last book on Earth. Life is just too short for that sort of masochism. I can barely stand to read his posts. My legs tend to stand up by themselves and walk away from the computer. - 02/23/2007 - Makurosu

Muhammed is just as good a prophet as Joe Smith ever was. But being equal on that plane is no compliment to either one. For Mormons to say Islam is false only implies that Mormon bathroom mirrors are fogged up. - 02/22/2007 - Tom Donofrio:

The one and only important symbol of the temple is the imprint the baker's hat leaves on your forehead that appears to be a scar left behind after your brain was removed. - 02/21/2007 - Apothecary

What happened to "The prophet only had a 6th grade education and there is NO WAY he could have written the BOM on his own?" Which is it? Was he brilliant or a moron? Maybe he was only brilliant when he was speaking as a brilliant person? - 02/20/2007 - by I know something I won't tell!

This is what it's down to now - "The Church is true; it's teachings are not." - 02/19/2007 - Asimov

In response to the news of the bankruptcy of several Krispy Kreme donut franchises: Wow, a new business opportunity for the Mormon Church, a string of specialty shoppe franchises called, "Boyd's Little Donut Factories." - 02/18/2007 - Lovechild

Gordon B Hinckley is softening up the troops for the inevitable announcement that the stone is not rolling forth filling the earth. It is stuck in a mud hole, and slowly sinking. - 02/17/2007 - winter

I told my friend I left the LDS Church because I wanted a shot at being President of the United States. - 01/27/2007 - by Rubicon

A quote from an apostate (me) to a stake president (my brother):

As you are now, I once was.
As I now am, you may become. - 01/19/2007 - OK Dahl (the pal) Olsen

I think I'll become a Mormon. I love white shoes. - 01/17/2007 - Pat Boone

I have no immutable reverence for sacred cows and, in fact, have abandoned many over the course of my life, as compelling evidence has arisen to justify their merciless butchering. - 01/16/2007 - steve benson

You asked... "Does ultra-Mormonism really make for more loving marriages, or is the ideal Mormon marriage one where the church is more important than the spouse?"

Considering the fact that the couple makes vows to THE CHURCH and NOT each other, I would say that the answer would have to be the latter! - 01/17/2007 - DoxiNoMo

During these serious times people of all faiths should remember these four religious truths:

1. Muslims do not recognize Jews as God's chosen people.

2. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.

3. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian world.

4. Mormons do not recognize each other at Hooters. - 01/16/2007 - anon

The church does not want exceptional people, it wants automatons that will pay, pray and obey while it plays, preys and stays on top of the membership. - 01/11/2007 - Grape Nephi aka William

I try to stay away from the apologist boards because they engage in such embarrassingly elaborate spin-doctoring to try to save each other from the jaws of truth. - 12/28/2006 - brian-the-christ

The tears start flowing and everything my True Believing Mormon father says becomes a blathering, slobbering, spiritual ejaculation. A first-rate blubbering cryamony, repeated countless times on demand at any and every family occasion. - 12/28/2006 - NotToJoe

Mormonism is flypaper for fools. - 12/26/2006 - Jerry the Aspousestate

I believe we have probably crossed that point when Mormons who have left the church are influencing more people away from Mormonism than faithful Mormons are attracting converts. - 12/12/2006 - Rusty Chain

Mormonism isn't a religion, it's a Joseph Smith fan club. - 12/10/2006 - dick

If Catholics wear crosses, why don't Mormons wear little guns around their necks? - 12/03/2006 - by T-Bone

You can always hang one on your Smithmas tree. - 12/09/2006 - Hervey Willets

Oh look! Now Hamblin is back posting at Fair with his good buddy Peterson. The "bookends" Christmas gift everyone should have. Put them on your mantle and watch the room spin! - 12/08/2006 - by Joey

Hollow Earth/Hollow Head theories: Could the BOM have taken place in the center of the earth? Don't tell FARMS or FAIR. They'll be all over this like flies on excrement. - 12/03/2006 - Pompous S Monson

According to Boyd K Superpackerman masturbation is God's kryptonite. - 11/28/2006 - ZelphRules

Prozac, Zoloft. How can the ONE true church require so much medication? - 11/27/2006 - NoToJoe

When I was on my mission in Argentina my companion and I decided to perform a test to determine the validity of the "spirit". Some church members asked us to sing a church hymn in English so they could feel the spirit. Little did they know the song we sang to them was "Sweet Child of Mine" from Guns and Roses. After the song they were in tears and thanked us for bringing the spirit into their home. In summary I guess the Lord likes heavy metal too!! - 11/26/2007 by Kevin74

Not a lot of people know this, but one of the Three Nephites happened across stan Larson's "By His Own Hand Upon Papyrus" last year, one thing led to another, and my Church Office Building sources tell me he submitted his resignation letter to Greg Dodge this past May.

Since then, this rogue, two thousand year old Nephite, steals in and out of houses performing random acts of ex-Mormon-ness. - 11/25/2006 - by Tal Bachman

"I sometimes find myself coming back to this site -- then breaking away again (but not back to the morg). Usually something Mormon "happens" and I swing by and check up on my sanity." - 11/20/2006 - Matt Berry

Well, as the Mormons like to say, "What the heck is Occam's razor?"

And why would we want to keep things simple, when we could be confusing large numbers of unsuspecting potential converts? - 11/19/2006 - by k0mpl3x0r

It's hard to free a slave when they love their chains. - 11/15/2006 - by I "test a lie" 2 U

In response to a trollish poster who asks "Have you ever read the Book of Mormon?"

"Yep, read the BoM dozens of times in English, Spanish, Italian and Navajo. Still didn't make it true." - 11/10/2006 - Grape Nephi aka William

"I'm always amazed by the miraculous stories that circulate among my TBM relatives. They seem to have an abundance of near disasters that are always averted by 'still small voices.' When I hear the details of the stories I too am awe struck... that the 'angel of stupid' hasn't already taken them home." - 11/09/2006 - by Nixon

A news story stated that if Mitt Romney were to run, he'd need to be more detailed in what his church believes. Scary prospect for the Mormon Church. Good idea for humanity. - 11/01/2006 - toto

Church is boring and I don't believe in it. Even if I did believe, it would still be boring. - 10/31/2006 - bona dea

My mind is a pretzel, the church is the baker. - 10/31/2006 - Spanner

When you read about the real Joseph, you see a man who reminds you of Jim Jones or Warren Jeffs--with a frontier touch of Hugh Hefner, and a dash of Mohammed. So many appetites, so little time. And that damned Emma kept getting in the way. - 10/28/2006 - lightfingerlouie at Recovery from Mormonism

Funny how analyzing Mormonism from the outside looking back is so much more interesting than "being" Mormon was. - 09/28/2006 - Nightingale at Recovery from Mormonism

Mormonism is not a system, but a surviving culture. It is junkyard of doctrinal fragments resulting from historically recorded wrong turns, head-on cultural collisions, and personal breakdowns that satisfy "institutional" needs. To make it a workable Faith, we have to fill in the blanks. We pick up the pieces here and there and try to salvage our relationships as best we can; we lie to ourselves; we haywire a few "historical" parts together, "normalizing" everything with unrelenting repetition, and call the result, a "testimony." - 09/28/2006 - Matt Berry at Recovery from Mormonism

This is in response to a Mormon claim that the church is responsible for all technological advances in the history of mankind. "So many bodies. So few brain cells." - 09/11/2006 - BtGR

They may be sick, but remember, they are God's chosen wackos. 09/09/2006 - Buntaro

"Give me Santa any day. He never threatened me with outer darkness." - 09/09/2006 - Shel

Just imagine if Old Joe was around for the Tomb of King Tut. We'd have "The Book of The Brother of Abraham". "The Book of Abraham's Dog", "The Book of Abraham's Cooking", and my personal favorite: "Abraham's Hieroglyphics for Dummies". - 09/09/2006 - Webz

I've heard some interesting tales concerning garments. Such as couples keeping them on, even for sex.

Or even more ridiculous, having them wrapped around just a foot or one toe, to ensure that they aren't completely removed and that the True Believing Mormon's involved aren't "unprotected" during the act.

Is THAT what is meant by "unprotected sex" I wonder? - 09/08/2006 - by Helamonster

The church never ceases to boggle the mind. So much nonsense, so little time. - 07/16/2006 - lightfingerlouie

The Mormon male reproductive organ is a spiritual rudder, and that is why men only get the priesthood and women will never have it. - 07/15/2006 - Cats of Recovery from Mormonism

I used to think that the natural man is an enemy to God. Now I think that God is the enemy of the natural man. - 06/17/2006 - FeelingOfFreedom

It's hard to jump from a ship into unknown waters. Probably takes a while to understand that while you were sold a cruise to Kolob, in fact you are on a slave ship bound for the Zion Curtain. That's literally what happened to all the European converts who went to Briggy's Deseret. - 06/17/2006 - Alma the Tonguer

The LDS Church recently announced that it is deeply troubled by the news media's failure to clearly distinguish between the compound-building, law-flouting and girl-marrying people we once were and the compound-building, law-flouting, girl-marrying loons in Texas today. - 05/20/2006 - Robert Kirbry in Salt Lake Tribune

The fundamentalists are to the LDS church as orthodox Jews are to the Jewish religion or fundamentalist Muslims are to mainstream Muslims. FLDS and LDS came from the same roots and any LDS person who tells you otherwise is lying. - 05/13/2006 - Diane, Annapolis, Maryland

Mormon version of the Chicken and the Egg philosophical dilemma: Does your baptism wash away the sin of lying to the bishop about your worthiness to get baptized? - 05/07/2006 - Blash

Utah, Home of Mormonisn, The Only Religion Considered "TOO WEIRD" by Tom Cruise. - 04/29/2006 - Conan O'Brien

There is the Easy-to-Read Book of Mormon. FARMS even reviewed it. The reviewer characterizes the target audience for the book as "unsophisticated," which is a little like the pot calling the kettle dark and loathsome. - 03/14/2006 - Robert Baumgardner

"Mormons--a gaudy story by itself. Joseph Smith, son of an itinerant ginseng merchant and great-great-grandson of a Salem witch-hunter, dreams a Bollywood spectacular of lost tribes, golden plates, and sacred stones; dictates a 275,000-word book of revelation; ordains his own apostles in a fertility-worshiping mystery cult; and leaves behind 50 wives when he's defenestrated in 1844 by vigilantes in Carthage, Illinois. After which its up to Brigham Young---part Cromwell, part Moses---to lead his flock on a Transvaal voortrek from Council Bluffs, Iowa, to the Great Salt Lake. What could be more quintessentially American than this club sandwich of sacred and profane, this bowl of mixed religious nuts?" - 03/13/2006 - New York Magazine

It seems a bit hypocritical to me, that the church dropped their hospitals in favor of malls. After all, Jesus went around healing the sick, not shopping at Nordstrom. - 03/09/2006 - Greg Sullivan

Publishing any history of Joseph Smith, even a brief overview, that fails to mention polygamy, is akin to writing a bio of Richard Nixon and not mentioning Watergate. - 12/13/2005 - Randy Jordan

Mormonism has never been major league. It is, and always has been, peanut league. All the Mormofascism has not really influenced much. A flash in the pan, a pain in the ass. - 11/19/2005 - lightfingerlouie

One man's Mormonism is another man's Masonry. - 11/18/2005 - shumone

I loved the fuckin' church, and the church loved fuckin' me. - 07/12/2005 - The Mad Jesuit

For thine is the parody, the comedy, and the lampoon, now and forever. Amen. - 07/10/2005 - The Mad Jesuit

To apply the words of Boyd K. Packer, Even if the church is true it isn't very useful. - 07/10/2005 - by Nothing

To apply the words of Boyd K. Packer to himself, Even if he is an apostle he isn't very useful. - 07/10/2005 by cricket

In response to a thread about the Newport,CA temple dedication (where Mormons said there was a solar halo accompanying placing the Moroni statue):

"Not so remarkable to anyone familiar with SoCal weather. It happens all the time. Of course, they might not have noticed since it's hard to observe conditions in the sky when your head is usually where the sun never shines." - 07/10/2005 - by Stray Mutt - submitted by Susan

"I am just so fricken happy to be one of those NOT worthy to attend and NOT still stuck in the church. I will be on the free side of the temple, the sane side of the temple, the normal side, wearing normal clothes! yee-haw." - 05/22/2005 - by Beaglie

We sat in the temple lobby, but I finally couldn't take it anymore. Watching all those guys in white walking around was like attending a Pat Boone convention at a funeral home. - 05/22/2005 - Captain Jack Mormon

People feel the Spirit all the time when they read church magazines and they feel it when they go Home Teaching and read the First Presidency message, word-for-word, to their visitees, and they feel it again when they goes home to greet their own home teachers and proceed to listen to that home teacher read, word-for-word, the very same First Presidency message.

It's an exciting church.

It's not so much like watching paint dry as it is like watching chalk get drier. - 05/21/2005 - Crystal Balls

I have always found real Mormon history to be the most "anti-Mormon" literature out there. - 04/08/2005 - danboyle

There is more evidence that Joseph Smith had sex with his plural wives than exists that he saw God and Jesus in 1820. - 04/06/2005 - Deconstructor

Mormonism assumes it has a baby just because it has some dirty bath water. - 04/05/2005 - Stray Mutt

The spirit of god like a candle is flickering. - 04/04/2005 - AlaskanPoser

Any biography of Joseph Smith, or a listing of his accomplishments or innovations, no matter how concise, which fails to mention polygamy, is like writing a biography of Richard Nixon without mentioning Watergate. - 04/04/2005 - Randy Jordan

Well, I guess if Mormons can call Jews "Gentiles," they can hold Sunday school on Thursdays. - 04/04/2005 - Randy Jordan

I live in a predominately LDS neighborhood and love the peace and quite I get for the three hours each Sunday that all my neighbors are in church. I'd rather they change it to four hours than to two. - 03/27/2005 - Lane Change

Mormonism is more about the culture than the religion. - 03/23/2005 - Jarrod

Mormonism can only exist in an information vacuum. - 03/23/2005 - Polygamy Porter

The bell of mormonism does not ring true when struck with the hammer of controversy, instead it goes "thud". - 03/23/2005 - Polygamy Porter

If Mormon women have to wear bras over their garments, do The Brethren have to wear their Depends over their garments as well? - 03/05/2005 - Garment Cop

Regarding the standard Mormon excuse for its bizarre doctrine: "If one can ask a meaty question, then one has the capacity to receive a meaty answer." - 03/05/2005 -James Jerde

If Mormonism is true, then I can't wait to go to Hell! - 02/21/2005 - by formaggio

Apparently God needs to invest in some "Human Resources" help, He's doing a lousy job screening job applicants for prophet. - 02/15/2005 - Scott Tippetts

"Friends don't let friends get dunked!" - 02/13/2005 - from JesusChrysler

"If the glory of God is intelligence, when do we get to use ours?" - 02/10/2005 - Leslee

With the fall of the Soviet Union, the Mormon Church is the world's last bastion of Orwellianism. - 01/28/2005 - Tal Bachman

God was sending crickets for a food source and the pioneers didn't recognize it! - 12/26/2004 - by no miracle

"The Mormon church is the only religion where pissing, shitting and farting on their holy religious icons is the norm." - 12/04/2004 - anon

There are probably more ex-Mo's, never-Mo's and inactive--Mo's in Utah than active-Mo's so why are THEY the ones making all the rules? - 12/10/2004 -Mahonri Moriancumer

The milk is sour, the meat is rancid. What will they give investigators now? Candy? - 12/01/2004 - Mark of Eve

If Religion was like High School....mormonism would be the weird kid sitting in the corner of the cafeteria writing the bylaws for his new secret role-playing club. - 09/18/2004 - by just thinking

If you live in Utah County it sure seems like the "stone is rolling forth", right down off of Mount Timpanagos into the valley and blocking access to Sunday swimming and purchasing beer. - 09/12/2004 - Tyler

Mr. Hinckley, tear down this cult! - 09/12/2004 - Ronald Reagan

The Church is perfect but the members aren't! Well, I got the last half right. - 07/31/2004 - by MySongAngel

A dictatorship is every Mormon General Authority's wet dream. - 05/31/2004 - Deconstructor

"One man's religious icon is another man's underwear". - 04/25/2004 - hermanuno

Eight million inactive Mormons can't be wrong. - 04/24/2004 -Stray Mutt

I like the idea of mini temples. Maybe they could convert the chapels and cultural halls during the week. You know like a traveling circus. Tent up - tent down. Clowns in - clowns out. - 04/18/2004 - wisedup

If you believe Mormonism, I've got some great beachfront property on the Great Salt Lake. 04/08/2004 - SL Cabbie

If President Monson visited the exmormon.org bulletin board we could call him "Doubting Thomas." - 04/08/2004 - SL Cabbie

If Hinkley is often referred to as the Hinkster... will Monson be referred to as the Monster when he is made president of the church? - 04/08/2004 - Mortvola

The LDS Corporation doesn't do apologies, only apologetics. - 03/29/2004 -blabber

Within the Mormon Church there are no stupid questions, only stupid answers. - 03/21/2004 - Reinventing Grace

You silly rabbit. Tricks are for Mormons! - 03/14/2004 -antishock8

The Mormon church helps the poor but let's not forget Al Capone ran the best soup kitchens in Chicago. - 03/07/2004 - Bye Bye Morgie

Endowments are like tonsils... they are useless and after they're taken out, you find you can live without them. - 03/04/2004 - by Mean

Sometimes it just feels good to disrespect something that's disrespected you for so long! - 03/01/2004 - jlorz

If there isn't enough space to write on the golden plates, why in the world are using all this space to tell me that there is no space? 03/01/2004 - HG

Oh, if ONLY we had a sample of Joseph Smith's hair (although at the time he lived, getting a semen sample would probably have been easier!). - 02/29/2004 - Sue Emmett

Thank God Jesus never wanted me for a sunbeam. - 04/27/2004 - anon

Even if the church is true, it's not very useful. - 02/26/2004 - soothseeker

The propaganda is that the Gospel/Church is a "pearl of great price" that should be easy to sell. The reality is that the Gospel/Church is just an ordinary pebble--and not a particularly attractive one at that. - 02/26/2004 - Perry Noid

I mean, really, shouldn't one of the breast marks on the garmets, nowdays, be ' $ '? - 04/26/2004 - anonymous from Recovery Bulletin Board

I think that Jews should start giving Bar Mitzvahs to all morman boys at the age of 13 ! Do you think Gordie would approve? - 01/25/2004 - from devarabeshear

Maybe Utah should have State-owned underwear stores and ban Captain Underwear books? - 11/05/2003 - Jerry the Aspousestate

If you believe an angel delivered golden plates to Joseph Smith, you'll believe anything. - 10/18/2003 - Thomas Murphy

Arguing with True Believing Mormons and drunks is like trying to teach a pig to sing: It accomplishes nothing and annoys the pig. - 10/20/2003 - Meow of the Recovery from Mormonism bulletin board

The church shouldn't worry about non-members "choking on the meat" since it's been "eating crow" quite a bit as of late on many fronts. Besides, Packer is the only one called of God to be concerned about meat choking. - 09/28/2003 - TheMollusk

Not white and delightsome but tight and handsome for sure! Having a gay time with the Book of Mormon. - 09/27/2003 - TLC

Mormonism has become "an archconservative culture built on the sand of family and ribal values with respectability as its chief cornerstone. Its adherents are less like living stones in the mystical temple of God and more like living stiffs in a morgue or quiet conformity." - 08/15/2003 - Paul James Toscano - Sunstone Symposium -Salt Lake City Utah on his ten years anniversary of being excommunicated from the LDS Church

The Utah state bird should be the cuckoo, not the seagull. - 07/29/2003- Jerry the Aspousetate

As Casper is, the Holy Ghost once was. As the Holy Ghost is, Casper may become. 07/27/2003 - Mrs. Muir

Isn't there something in the D&C about "worlds of inactives without number"? - 07/27/2003 - steve benson

As they say, you can leave the Church but the Church can't leave you alone. - 07/18/2003 - Steve Benson

Funny! My seven year old has said he would like to see the Marines topple Moroni like they did with Sadam Hussein's statue in Baghdad. 07/09/2003 - Island

The fact that Mormonism has to have Fast and Testimony meetings every month should be an indication that people have to continually convince themselves of the veracity of the faith. - 07/07/2003 - Shakjula

If God sent seagulls to eat the crickets, who sent the crickets? - 07/05/2003 - Troy

The glory of god is no longer intelligence. Long live sheep-herding. - 06/21/2003 by KJA of the Recovery from Mormonism bulletin board

Want to shut up a True Believing Mormon? Just look at them confidently and say, "It's true if you choose to believe it." It shuts them right up. - 05/11/2003 - submitted by Bye Bye Morgie

Remember: every unmember a non-missionary. - 05/10/2003 - Steve Benson

Only on this website can you post about LSD, LDS, and DSL and stay on topic. - 02/16/2003 - confabulat

Christians (or any other cultists) calling Mormons insane. Isn't that like Jeffrey Dahmer calling the Son of Sam a nut for talking to dogs? - 02/16/2003 - Azurenut

I think Brigham Young was a very funny man. I wonder how his wives enjoyed their prophet-sharing plan? - 02/16/2003 - Farkwicket

I cant wait until we can link mormons with terrorism and then we can enact anti-mormon laws in the 3rd edition of the homeland security bill.. - 02/16/2003 - CashMoney03

"Mormon" is just one "m" away from "moron". - 02/15/2003 - anon

The church is kind of like Michael Jackson - career's over but it's hard to accept that it is. - 02/15/2003 - TLC

The Mormon Church is a mind-controlling cult that, when you describe it as such, offends those whose minds are controlled. - 12/30/2002 - Steve Benson

I had to chuckle though when a therapist said, "If I see a person come into the office who is hypercritical, projecting blame outside himself, having difficulty with eye contact, the first thing I'll ask is, 'Are you into Internet pornography?' " Hell, aren't those classic symptoms of being LDS? - 12/29/2002 - Stray Mutt

I cannot believe in a church that does not have the common decency to denounce the racist b.s. that has been spewed in the past and is still a part of the LDS scriptures. The Book of Abraham and Moses and Mormon make Mein Kampf look like a civil rights manuscript. - 12/02/2002 - Randy J

Mormon Law:If you ARE a Mormon No matter what you do wrong, you're right. If you ARE NOT a Mormon No matter what you do right you're wrong. - 10/28/2002 - NSR

For behold, thy words regarding President Kimball shall stand as judgement against thee:

"His picture will be removed from the row of presidents and his body is to be disinterred and thrown in front of a Kingdom Hall." - 05/31/2002 - by Mormon Apologist - submitted by Playelder

If all the world were a village...one would be Mormon - the village idiot. - 05/23/2002 - by Grandpa Jim of The Recovery From Mormonism Bulletin Board

How can you "hone a lie" like the Liahona with the Internet around!? - 03/15/2002 - Pat McKitrick

I wonder if freckles are spots of sin? - 02/18/2002 - girl in the box

Only Mormons think that there is a subtantial difference between Jay Dubs and Morgbots. Everyone else thinks that they are equally nuts. - 01/31/2002 - by  ButBut courtesy of Greenlady

Isn't it interesting that all Mormon young men are forbidden to masturbate by older Mormons who also did it when they were young? Aren't hypocrites the ones whom Jesus chastised the most severely? - 01/31/2002 - from Ex-caliber

I put my shoulder to the wheel, but it never budged. I finally 'got smart' and stopped pushing. - 01/31/2002 - from Ex-caliber

It's a damn good thing I was born in the church, cause I sure as hell would never have joined it of my own volition. - 12/19/2001 - anon

Regarding Fast and Testimony Meeting: I think they must ask you to fast so you only get the dry heaves during the testimonies! - 07/01/2001 - EnochIpsen

Mormon Church is like a cafateria dumpster with a fresh coat of paint...It looks great till you get inside and start digging around! - 06/15/2001 - Deet of the recovery bulletin board

The church is full of phallic symbols...I think they call them General Authorities! - 05/17/2001 - Sebastian

"Kirk to Kolob. Beam me up goddy!" - 10/21/2000 - PlayElder

What will the Holy Ghost wear to the Godhead's Halloween costume party? Think about it. - 10/17/2000 - anon

"BYU officials have said that Harvard should aspire to become the BYU of the East. That's like saying the Mayo Clinic should aspire to be Auschwitz. BYU is an Auschwitz of the mind." - 12/05/2000 - anon

The Worst thing about LDS is that they won't leave you alone "come join us" it's almost like "Children of the Corn." - 10/10/2000 - goatforker69

My theory is that the three Nephites are making sure that none of the Lamanites actually get DNA tested. If they were allowed to be tested there would be no need for blind faith anymore. - 09/04/2000 - Gavin

Is there a support group for ex-Jehova's Witnesses? You know, an organization that helps to prevent people from being persecuted or harrassed by the JW cult?

Maybe something like a 'Jehovah's Witness Protection Program'? - 08/16/2000 - Randy J

``One of the advantages of having five wives is they can't all have a headache at the same time,'' Dangerfield said."

This is true however one of the disadvantages of having many wives is that the odds are good they will all be your headache at the same time. - 08/08/2000 - Carmen T

My higher power is higher than your higher power! - 07/25/2000 - Deanna

The reason that most Mormons believe that Mormonism is true is because they want it to be true. Once you lose that desire, it quickly falls apart. - 07/25/2000 - Eric E

What's this? Mormon leaders having sex with multiple women in the Hotel Utah? No wonder they renamed it the "Joseph Smith Memorial Building!" - 07/16/2000 - Randy J

Isn't it funny how a group led by a "prophet of God" is one of the furthest behind in enlightment and human rights? - 07/14/2000 - Eric E

Fortunately, we in Zion are guided by a Prophet, Seer, and Revelator, who is even now raising up the most righteous generation ever seen on the face of the Earth, to counteract the machinations of Lucifer! The Church is the stone that was cut without hands, and shall roll forth to fill the whole . . . URK! Get it off me!!! AAAAUUUGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! - 06/14/2000 - Bryce

I read recently that early Christians were baptized in the nude. If the Morg claims itself the "restored" Church, perhaps it might behoove them to adopt this practice. Just think of the converts. The big bummer is that you can only baptized once - but there can always be new revelations! - 06/13/2000 - Dave

I'm back from a Palm Springs weekend. I think I found how to fill those sunday afternoons now that I no longer attend church. Sitting at the pool watching the string bikini's walk by. What was funny was that there was a womans christian group at the same hotel and they had the best bikini's in my opinion. Praise God! - 06/06/2000 - Gladiator

How did Jeremiah get into the Brass Plates of Laban? Jeremiah was, in the eyes of Jerusalem's elite, a heretic and traitor of the worst stripe. He prophesied the destruction of Jerusalem and the victory of Babylon. So, how did the writings of such a man end up in the Brass Plates, alongside the works of such revered prophets as Moses and Isaiah? It's like finding a copy of The Unabomber Manifesto bound into a bible between Luke and John.

My solution: Laban was handed a tract by some well-meaning traitor. He thumbed through it for a moment, then handed it to Zoram with the instructions of "Burn this blasphemous filth." But the Lord made Zoram hear, "Transcribe this into our most holy Scriptures, that these truths may be treasured up unto the LORD." - 05/31/2000 - Bryce Anderson

Welcome to the fastest-growing non-religion in the world: the ex-Mormons! - 05/15/2000 - Richard Packham

I'm tired of a God who keeps truth so well hidden that so few seem to find it. - 05/09/2000 - Simon

Regarding our voting policy in the Utah legislation:

We vote the way God would vote if He knew what we know. - 05/07/2000 Eagle Forum

I find it fascinating that in the bible, even letters sent from apostles to individual churches were canonized, but the church today seems to put a disclaimer on speeches given by past latter-day prophets and apostles at general conferences or whenever they touched on certain doctrines. - 04/20/2000 Scott G

Q: What is the Biblical translation of "Pay Lay Ale"?

A: By these words, Adam is asking God for the three things most desired by men: Money, Sex, and Beer. - 04/05/2000 - Randy J

Regarding President Gordon B Hinckley's Nation Press Club speech:

"No other church which has risen from the soil of America has grown so fast or spread so widely."

[Mostly by our brethren rising and our sistren spreading] - 03/29/2000 - BT

Regarding Recovery from Mormonism

What other organization produces such high quality ex-members, who produce such high quality ex-member services such as we see here? - 03/27/2000 - Lurker

"When 'evil speaking of the Lord's anointed' was considered worse than lying, the truth - 03/24/2000 - Richard Van Wagoner suffered."

Regarding a Mormon on Alt-Religion-Mormon who wrote:

"We do believe there are 3 catorgies to heaven. Celestrial, Terrestreal and I can not spell the 3rd. I am a mormon."

One wonders what possessed her to think she could spell the other two either? - 03/24/2000 - Randy J

Here I was all True Believing Mormon in a temple recommend interview (barf!) and he came to THE question:

"Are you observing the law of...CHASTITY?" I swear the little pervert was waiting for some heinous story. I looked at the humorless little freak (and trust me he was all those things!) and replied "Gosh Bishop, with who?"

Well I got the magic paper and went to see that stupid film for another year. - 03/16/2000 - Gail

By admitting that the Book of Mormon is essentially "true fiction," one may assert that any number of works, "religious" or not are from God. Then how would some determine the criteria for what is of God and what isn't?

Frankly, in regard to the Book of Mormon, I think there are grounds for questioning God's taste or talent. I mean what happened, after His first novel he couldn't write another that could measure up? :-) - 03/16/2000 - Robert B

No, Gail, Mormon-Thinkers do exist. They're known as "near-future apostates". - 03/16/2000 - Matt

There is a common legend here in SLC... that the angel Moroni statue placed on the Salt Lake Temple will come to life on the day of Christ's return and blow his horn.

You know what will happen then?

Seagull Poop all OVER the Joseph Smith Memorial Building (formerly the Hotel Utah) which is due EAST of the horn. - 03/05/2000 - James in Utah

To me, the first step on the road to apostasy is to equate Church policy with the Word of God. - 03/04/2000 - Thom

Regarding the Mountain Meadow Massacre - "I would venture to say that most if not all of these victims have been baptized for the dead, and had other temple work done in their behalf. Wouldn't that be the ultimate slap in the face...........to be slaughtered by Mormons, and then baptized afterwards?" - 03/3/2000 - Sandy in Seattle

Funny, I was always the smart one in the family before. I guess apostasy kills brain cells. - 02/23/2000 - only exmo in family

I thought plural marriage was a pyramid scam? To see how many women you can get under you! - 02/22/2000 - Carmen

Now, if Joseph Smith was REALLY cool, he would have been given the power of The Force and a Lightsabre, not just some crummy metal plates and peepstones. On second thought, maybe that WAS how he got all the chicks. "Is that a lightsabre in your pocket Big Boy, or are you just sharing your priesthood endowment." - 02/06/2000 - BT

The day Jesus shows his face on earth again is the day that Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, and Elvis all show up at the Salt Lake temple to have their temple work done. - 02/01/2000 - John W

As man is, Joseph Smith once was, and as Joseph Smith is now, man may become. Now THERE's a scarey thought. - 01/26/2000 - Wendy

It isn't that I have rejected God; it's simply that God and I have never met. - 01/21/2000 - anon

Earlier this season in the National Football League, several players used the "throat slash" as a way to celebrate scores or other big plays. The NFL banned these as disturbing and violent. I thought that was funny, since thousands of good little Mormon men & women did this daily in the pre-1990 temple ceremony, but the NFL had the sense to recognize it as barbaric. - 01/20/2000 - SwedenDC

I can't tell you how many of my women friends revealed in one way or another that if it weren't for them -- IT WOULDN'T HAVE HAPPENED! Same with any kind of family prayer. Men with the power -- women with the real work. Is my bitterness showing??!! 20 lashes with a limp penis!! - 01/20/2000 - Sue

Hey Marie Osmond, Its the MAN who's supposed to have the multiple spouses! - 01/20/2000 - anon

The LDS Church abuses the word "testimony". In court, a testimony is giving what you know based on your observation. It is not a plant or a pet or something that "grows" and needs to be worked on. In fact, working on your testimony in a legal context could be perjury! If you view an accident, you testify on it based on your own personal account, not by reading other statements and weighing them against your own. Building a testimony sounds somewhat illegal to me. - 01/18/2000 - SwedenDC

An investigator - who seems to be very sympathetic to the Mormon message - commented that Joseph Smith was very likely a true prophet because true prophets have always been hated and persecuted, and Joseph Smith certainly was hated and persecuted. So...

- True prophets are persecuted;
- Joseph Smith was persecuted;
- Therefore Joseph Smith was a true prophet.

I suggested to him that we could also then reason as follows:

- Liars, scoundrels and con-men are persecuted;
- Joseph Smith was persecuted;
- Therefore Joseph Smith was a liar, scoundrel or con-man.

He didn't get it. I am going to suggest that he get baptized and start paying and obeying. - 01/17/2000 - Richard Packham

Mormon Intellectuals:isn't that an oxymoron...? at the best ... or a contradiction in terms at worse?
No, it's an "oxymormon." - 01/17/2000 - Lady DB and Mashiara

Could church leaders come clean even if they wanted to?

"I tried once and the Danites cut off my penishood. But it was more of a cutlet than anything." - 01/12/2000 - Gordon Hinckley

People who would believe an 18-year-old missionary (and the magical promises that the LDS Church makes) are probably not the people who would accept fact and historical evidence. Thus, an approach to fact, historical evidence, and logic would not reach these people.

On the other hand, an approach that relies on logic, fact, and history would affect someone who beleives that truth is more important than emotion. Such people are a small minority, with the much larger majority going toward emotion and quick, magical solutions that the church relies on. - 01/12/2000 - Don W

Summary of my visit to Conference:

Gordon: All in favor, raise your hands!

Boyd K: Keep 'em there! - 01/10/2000 - Brigham Smith

Yeah, my exmo Brother just reminded me by calling and wishing me a Merry Smithmas on the Phone, I celebrated by almost puking my guts out all over the phone receiver. And then I berated him for reminding me. - 12/23/1999 - Todd

Joseph Smith is called Baurak Ale in D&C 103:35. Hey, maybe Pay Lay Ale means "O' Smith hear the words of my mouth." - 12/23/1999 - Jeffry Trunzer

I just studied with the elders and my husband and I just got baptized. To make matters worse, I'm an ex-Jehovah's Witness!!! I think I made the same mistake twice. - 12/08/1999 - anon

Great oxymoron heard on a KSL Radio this week. They were having a contest to give away tickets to the BYU/Utah game in Provo. Winners would ride a special bus to the game advertised as the BYU Party Bus. Kind of right up there with Ward Cultural Hall. - 12/06/1999 - kentish

God moves in mysterious ways his money to collect. - 11/17/1999 - Steve

Arguing with religious zealots is like shoving your own head into an unflushed toilet bowl and gargling. Maybe it's fun for the moment, but you smell like shit afterward. - 11/16/1999 - Blash

I have learned that the new 1st principle of the Gospel is: Obedience! Every talk seems to revolve on how important it is to OBEY the profit. Why don't we just skip seminary and go to obedience school? God doesn't want us to be His sheep, He wants us to be his "sheepdogs". - 11/08/1999 - Sweden

The Mormon Church will always be a mote in my eye and a jot in my tittle. - 10/26/1999 - Blash

I got my copy of the bishop's handbook at deseret book, and wouldn't you know it, the section about having my records removed, was removed!! - 10/26/1999 - Mac

I claim the privilege of raging against the Mormon Church according to the dictates of my own conscience and allow all people the same privilege, let them rage how, where or what they may. - 10/21/1999 - Linda in LA

When you to to the temple, can you raise your hand just after the movie starts and ask for a refund as you have already seen this one? - 10/20/1999

The church also taught that if you became an apostate you would eventually grow darker. "OK, so when do I get my instant tan?" - 10/18/1999 - Valerie

A home teacher sat in our living room once and with all seriousness stated that they had traced their genealogy back to Adam. We really like this particular man, although he is a bit ingenuous, but my non LDS husband sat there with a straight face and said, "That's interesting, ... we are descended from Eve's side of the family." - 10/14/1999 - Amy

Regarding Dead Sea Scroll Fragments:

Too bad ol' Joe ain't around. I'll bet he could have those snippets translated in no time. - 10/11/1999 - Locutus

Mormonism has ruined the whole concept of God for me, and has allowed me to see how church members are manipulated. Most, I feel, worship out of the fear of God, instead of the love for God. Or they love the "Organization". - 10/04/1999 - baddog

Afterwards I realized why he, my BYU professor friend stays in the church.

They don't stay in it because they know it is true. They stay in it because they don't know it is false. - 10/02/1999 - Gavin

Sometimes, I think the missionaries are more annoying than homeless people. - 09/18/1999 - Martie

I just noticed that my Australian spell checker suggests MORONISM as a replacement for MORMONISM!! No kidding!!. My bloody computer is smarter than me!! Thirty #&!?*&! years. - 09/06/1999 - Gavin

Well, after 8 or so more years of trying to make Mormonism work for me, I have finally given into my heart and thrown in the towel or should I say garments. - 09/03/1999 - Amy

I'll have you know you are evil speaking of the Lord's Annoying! - 09/02/1999 - Robert B

Well, you know, often it is not that "the thinking has been done"; it never started in the first place. - Robert B

Nah, if termites were going to get anyone, they would have gotten Joseph himself, not his enemies. HE was the one with the 24-hour-a-day woody. (This list must be doing something to me. I can't believe I just said that!!) - 08/24/1999 - Teresa

The LDS church passes on its doctrine--lie upon lie, defect upon defect. - 08/23/1999 - Don

"Just because he made it up, doesn't mean it isn't true!" - 08/20/1999 - Trent Harris in Plan Ten From Outer Space

San Diego Temple is known as Disneyland South so does Angel Moroni slide down wire every night at 9pm, or is there just fireworks? - 08/19/1999 - anon

The downfall those early Mormons wanted was the women downfalling on their backs. - 08/04/1999 - Robert B

Regarding the Salt Lake City tornado: Yes and I woke up in Oz with my house on top of a giant gold person and all these little people singing "ding dong Moroni's gone" - 08/13/1999 - lensman - 08/13/1999 - lensman

Get out yer cryin' towel, bud. The Book of Abraham is a dead Horus. - 08/11/1999 - Randy J.

Facts are to FARMS what kryptonite is to Superman. - 08/10/1999 - anon

Shhh...Don. You aren't supposed to tell the biggest secret of them all. And that secret is that churches invent a problem (i.e. you need salvation because being human is wrong) and define themselves as the solution. It's Marketing 101. Create a problem and market the solution. Of course, religions have it down to a tee. How many other multi-billion dollar corporations are there which provide absolutely no service what so ever? - 08/05/1999 - John Q

Most Mormons I meet have no concept of the value of the scientific method. They would rather use the warm-bosom method. - 08/01/1999 - Jonathan

When we were in Salt Lake on holiday last year the Hinckster was viewing the new tabernacle building from the observation deck of the Church Admin Building - we happened to be on the other deck so subsequently had to wait 20 minutes for the men in black to vacate. My 9 year old daughter was getting very impatient and commented "Why do we have to hang around for him - he's only a man". Out of the mouths of babes! - 07/23/1999 - Lucy

Does anybody know if I could sell my tokens on the eBay site? Could be fun! - 07/20/1999 - James

The other night I took my kids to Ponderosa for supper. You will never guess the highlight of the evening for my son...He had something that he did not remember ever tasting before. LIME JELLO!! He thought it was one of the most wonderful things that he had ever tasted. He asked me why I never made him any at home...it was probably a good thing that I choked on my water at that point. - 07/08/1999 - Kim

Last summer during a family reunion I was driving one car in a caravan of about 5 cars all stuffed with True Believing Mormon relatives. We were near Cedar city, Utah, and were all keeping in touch via CB radios. My dad (TBM but with a sense of humor), in another car told this joke, directed at me:

"Kelly, why do you always take 2 Mormons with you when you go fishing"? (If you have not heard this joke before, the punch line is: If you take only one, he will drink all of your beer.)

Though I'd previously heard the joke and knew the expected punchline, I was immediately inspired to exclaim over the radio, to 30 or so TBM ears:

...Complete silence on the radio. - Kelly Anderson

My temple name is Amway. Oh just kidding, it's Seth. - 07/22/1999 - Jon

This is classic....two ex-Mormon women afraid of doing something "horribly wrong". We might be able to take ourselves out of Mormonism but just try to take the Mormon out of the Ladies.....(and I've been out for twentyone years!!!! - but, don't let that discourage you;) - 07/14/1999 - KJ

The LDS are not in a position to engage in a factual debate. In the end they will always have to make some kind of subjective appeal. One such subjective appeal is to quote Joseph Smith in a repetitive fashion. Any factual objection to a quote is simply met with yet a different quote from Joseph Smith. And so forth. This is a fool-proof procedure since it requires no special training and there's no risk since there's no conceivable way one can fail at it providing one sticks to the procedure. - 07/15/1999 - Randy J

To "testify" was based on men in the Roman court swearing to a statement made by swearing on their testicles.

Gives a whole new meaning to "testimony meeting." Maybe that's why you're supposed to stand behind the pulpit.

I will never think of "bearing your testimony" in the same way again! Do Mormons make better baseball pitchers, then? - 07/24/1999 - Robert B and Nolan

Oh, I haven't even mentioned yet my idea for tie-dye garments. For those who don't like the inconvience of garments, but still want that "temple feel" I am thinking of creating Veil Mark Pasties TM . When placed properly on the body, these pasties provide all the divine protection of garments, without all the bother. They are available in flesh tone for the man or woman who wants to be bit more revealing. - 07/23/1999 - Robert B

It's ironic to me that I have learned more about Church history through this website than I ever did in my 20 years of attending Gospel Doctrine classes. Don't feel bad, 95% of what I know about Mormon history has come in the last 3 years, after I stopped going to church. Now that I am hearing the full story I am absolutely fascinated. Why couldn't I have had you guys as my teachers! - 07/12/1999 - Randy J

There are accurate and sensible reasons for leaving the church, and then there are Ed Decker's reasons for leaving the church. - 07/12/1999 - Brian C

Hear that, Bobby? Either you or Yahweh have to go.This list ain't big enough for the both of ya.See Bobby and Yahweh shoot it out at the I'm OK You're OK Corral. - 07/11/1999 - Robert B

Keeping in mind the "tons" of anti-materials (incl. print-media) then the Catholic Church, Communism, Faschism etc. ought to be "truer" than Mormonism! LDS even try to have the world monopoly on being pursued by the armies of satan. (James and this reply by Dan)Yes, I'd say killing six million jews makes judaism very high on the truth through persecution scale. - 07/10/1999 - anon