Mormon Olympics Games - Molympics

The Olympics are inspiring Mormons to lengthen their strides with some innovative new events. Please add your suggestions in the box below.

The world watched the 2002 Salt Lake Winter Olympic Games. With "the slopes white and ready to harvest" the Mormon Church added special events for public relations competition. For a sober view of the 2002 Salt Lake Winter Olympics scroll down to "Cricket's Eye View" and the end of this page.

Click image to see the famous Saturday Nite Live spoof of the Mormon 2002 Winter Olympics - Thanks to Pat McKitrick for providing the clip

Proposed Events for the Molympics

The 100 Year Backpedal

Handcart-push Double-Marathon (Provo to Salt Lake)

Faith Promotion (Two different classes)

1) Sincere
2) Shameless (Includes the "compulsary" attempt at the business tie-in)

Deseret Multi-Marriage Marathon "Live" from Manti.

Related event: How many polygamous wives can you fit in your suburban. Standard configuration only. No "Brigham Brougham" modifications allowed.

The Five-Points of Fellowship Pentathalon
How many? How Fast?

Shush-Ing - Expect competition amongst the sosters to be FIERCE!

Home Teaching Course:

A street in nearby Park City, with 10 houses on each side, filled with nothing but "inactive" members. Judging:

Participants are awarded points based on...
A) Fastest Times in which all homes on the course are visited; and;
B) Number of inactive members returning to the fold

C) Tithing generated by "B" above.

Long-Winded Prayer

Spectators and participants alike must "Endure 'til the end" Tithing

Highest percentage wins the gold (plated) medal

Financial Sacrifice

Lime-Jello Wrestling

Mountain Bike Racing

Individual and "two man teams". Contestants must wear dark suits and compete in different weight classes. Not their OWN weight, but instead by the weight of the religious books and tracts stuffed into their backpacks.

110 Meter "Walk On Water" (From Salt-Aire) Despite competition from the upstarts Alabamans, expect the Deseret team to dominate again.

Mountain Meadows Biathalon

Two events

1) Marksmanship
2) Volume of blood atoned for 20 years later. - 03/13/2000 - Brigham Smith

Power Hometeaching. How many visits can you stuff into one Sunday afternoon? - 03/08/2000 - anon

Synchronized baptisms for the dead - judging based on a few categories

1. strength of the resistance by the unwilling spirit

2. sheer volume of families bestowed with the curse of Satan on all of them and their children, and their childrens children, and their childrens children, and their childrens children, etc.

3. ability to most resemble the physically and geographically impossible white (caucasian) portraits of John the Baptist and Jesus in the River Jordan (which more closely resembles two hairy white loggers in robes standing in a Mississippi creekbed) - 05/09/2004 - from illfunk

More Molympic Events
Youngest Bride.
Oldest man getting married.
Most wives.
Most related brides (how many first degree relatives can you marry). - 02/28/2002 - anon

Burning Bosom Snow Melt Competition

Contestants lie down topless on the snow. (This is co-ed, so there will be lots and lots of concerned spectators.) A standardized snowball that weighs in at precisely ten pounds is placed on the chest of each participant. When the starting gun fires, contestants begin bearing their testimonies as fervently as they can -- igniting the fires in their bosoms. Unbeknownst to the contestants, the first one to completely melt their snowball with bosom heat will be the last place loser.

Conversely, the last one to melt all the snow is declared the gold medal winner -- on account of having the weakest testimony of useless falsehoods invented by Joseph Smith. - 08/11/2001 - anon

Blood Attonement Bi-Atholon...catch your neighbor got the right to go hacking...its the Lords way.

05/14/2001 - Gordon M.
And how about running a parallel Exmo Olympics event. Hotels would be hard to come by but I'm sure something could be worked out. I'm sure we can all think up some great events such as....

Joseph's 100m dash (through the woods carrying heavy gold plates) Brigham's javelin throw (into a crowd of those who married Negroes) Mountain Meadows Massacre target shooting (it'll be tough to find immigrants to use as the target though) - 5/20/2001 - anon

Let's Drink Kool Aid Till We Puke

Sponsored by... "Dunkin" Donuts - Preferred choice of missionaries everywhere! - - 09/29/2000 - anon

Mormon Bobsledding Event

Joseph Sphincter - Gold Egypt

Brighamous Youngus - Silver Greece

Britney K. Paquer - Bronze France

All those that can sustain these contestants please manifest by the uplifted hand.....any opposed? By the same sign they ayes have it!!! - - 08/29/2000 - anon

House-Addition competition from Hilldale and Colorado City, Arizona - 07/30/2000 - anon

2002 Olympic Games - Coming to a Federal Courtroom near you! - 07/25/2000 - anon

The Polygamist "Vault"
12-16 y/o girls "dash" to the nearest shelter. NOT sponsored by The Brigham-Brougham Corporation

From the Bonneville Salt Flats... The Handcart Land-Speed Competition

Cousin Jumping - Points based on age; style points given for fiestiness of cousin.

Becoming a God Hurdles - Winner has best time over the three hurdles of becoming a god.

New Olympic Games Motto "Citius, Altius, Fortius, Siccus." "Faster, higher, braver, sober." - 07/25/2000 - Vern from Vernal

Tracting out the inactives!!

A gold medal goes to the person who can bring back any morg who left the church(lve without the church in their life!!)Bronze goes to the person who at least makes phone contact!!silver to the person who justs says "hello" and see them once in a while (like once 1 a year!!) - 04/06/2000 - anon

Dry-pack can-a-thon - Judged on both number of cans and weight of product. Associated event - discus throw using can lids

Homemaking course - after being sleep-deprived for 48 hours, contestants are shown to a chaotic house where they they must reorganize including alphabetizing all boxes and cans of food, alphabetizing all books, washing, folding and putting away all clothes and linens according to season and color; cook meals using stored grain and powdered milk only, and so on and so on

Visit teaching: Contestants are given five minutes to present a spiritual message to a disinterested woman with six children and are judged based on the volume of tears they produce as well as the volume of tears produced by the audience. Points are deducted for roughness to children

Mouth stuffing - Contestants sit in a pew surrounded by children on their pew as well as the pews in front and back of them. They are provided with a plastic bowl filled with cereal, which they must place in the open mouths of children. Scoring is based on accuracy, speed and total number of cereal pieces distrubuted. - 03/24/2000 - anon

Well, If Jesus IS going to appear at the Olympics, he has a lock on the "Hie Jump." - 10/12/2001 - anon

2002 Moroni Skiing sketch by Cristi.

Olympic Visitors Guidelines

01/31/2002 by Howard of the Recovery Bulletin Board

With the upcoming Olympics only a few weeks away, here are some "tips" for visitors to the area:

1. Don't laugh at the names (LaVar, LaVel, LaDell, LaMont, DelVora, Lehi, Moroni, Aldean, Brigham, or LuDean, etc.) All names are divine and are beyond gentile humor.

2. Don't offer your Utah Volunteer Guide a cup of coffee or tea, regardless of how cold it is or how miserable they look. It is against their religion. Instead, offer them caffeine-laden cold drinks, such as Coca-Cola or Mountain Dew.

3. That green stuff is not a mold. It is Jell-O, the official State dessert. You might try to taste ALL the 3,456,237 recipes for green Jell-O salad during your visit.

4. The Relief Society is NOT a group of citizens who clean public restrooms. They are groups of mothers who specialize in quilts, casseroles and green Jell-O salad. They meet weekly to exchange quilt patterns, casserole recipes, and interesting variations of green Jell-O salad. In fact, they are SO dedicated, they dress like quilts, their hair is done to look like their favorite casserole, and they jiggle just like Jell-O.

5. Don't get lost in downtown Salt Lake. You can go north or south on West Temple, or east or west on North Temple, or on South Temple, but you can't go north on Main Street any more. The BIG Mountains and all alpine events are on the east side. A large pond and little mountains are to the west. If you're driving and it starts to smell really bad, you're too far west.

6. Do NOT believe the rumors; we DO sell alcohol in Utah. But do NOT try to find retail outlets by looking under Beer, Wine, or Alcohol in the yellow pages. All alcohol is sold by the State in tiny outlet stores hidden from sight of the general populace and unmarked by large signs or billboards. Do not TRY to find one by asking your Utah Volunteer Guide where the liquor stores are. You will easily find an alcoholic drink on your return flight.

7. Remember concealed weapons are legal in Utah, especially when thinking of returning any hand gesture to any of our friendly Utah drivers.

8. We don't use profanity in Utah. We use only approved expressions: gosh, gul-durn, dad-gumit, golly, jeminy, fetch, flip, frick, frack, etc.

9. Our bible is better than your bible, our prophet is better than yours (ours is still alive), our history is more true than yours, and nobody is allowed to laugh about the Church except Pat Bagley or Robert Kirby.

10. We don't wear "funny underwear". We wear blessed undies and its considered bad taste to ask to see them and please note--they are not available as souvenirs.

11. If a Utahn introduces you to his six wives, please do not say something STUPID like "Isn't that illegal?" Remember the concealed weapon law.

12. You won't find any businesses open or community activities here on Sundays all-day, Monday evenings, Tuesday afternoons, Wednesday evenings, Friday afternoons, or Saturday mornings. These are all regularly scheduled church times and you will be expected to eat, dance, party, and recreate around them. Finally, we really welcome you, your religion, and your diversity here, so PLEASE enjoy your stay!

LDS Unveil Olympic Banner

01/31/2002 by P. T. Brigham

Nauvoo Expositor Press- Salt Lake City, Utah In some intense last minute jockeying for media superiority the LDS church has opted to drape the Salt Lake LDS temple in the Olympic spirit. 

Reminiscent of days gone by, where banners adorned the temple in red, white and blue, for 24th of July celebrations. President and CEO of the LDS Church, Gordon B. Hinkley announced in his State of the Church address that "A maaarvelous bannnnnnnner " will adorn the temple for the Olympic celebration.

Although the secret banner has not been seen, it is rumored to be emblazoned with the Olympic torch and bear the words.we ARE the ONLY TRUE CHURCH!!!   Speaking with authority but on condition of anonymity another source stated, " the banner content although still "hush hush" may take on a slightly more profound stance in the face of the importance of this once in a lifetime missionary opportunity stating:  "We are the rulers of the world, We rule with POWER and AUTHORITY"  

Boyd Q. Paquer, a long time delusional apostle of the Lord, claims this is the time foretold in the Old Testament,   a revelation for modern times."High on a mountain top, a banner is unfurled" and is still not in accord with the majority of the brethren, claiming the banner should be flown from Ensign Peak.

Hinkley commented ."we don't look at this as a "secret" banner but a "sacred" banner.celebrating the spirit of the Olympics.Lord knows we haven't had any other spirit visit us in the past decade.

The banner will cover the entirety of the north  side of the building where there will be an unobstructed view by world media cameras.

A Special Olympic announcement:

Those worthy who wish to view Olympic events from the temple are encouraged to get your temple recommends early.  The website "www.better_'" has been established to receive your historic Temple Recommend.

As a token of appreciation an Olympic CTR ring will be given to all in attendance, we wish all to receive it.

Molympics T-Shirt Slogan Contest

Just had a friend stop by wearing his own designed t-shirt-- imagine a background picture of SLC temple with words--

You WILL be Assimilated!
Resistance is FUTILE!

Other games possiblities--

I apostasized and all I got
was this lousy teeshirt!

Or the one my other friend had made up--

Imagine a photo of the back of a guy looking at SLC temple, wearing a teeshirt that reads--

because the
evidence is so

courtesy of Arizona Republic

The Mormon Cricket Oly Pin

Media Stories About Mo-lympics

Newsweek: May 10, 2001 - Mo-lypics - How the Mormon Church plans to capitalize on the Salt Lake City Games


The Thrill of Baptism, The Agony Of Leaving

12/27/2000 by Arnie -

CUE FANFARE MUSIC: "Spanning the globe to bring u the best of the Latter-day Saints. "The thrill of baptism, the agony of leaving. The Human drama of excommunication - This is ABC's Wide World of Mormonism!" Da-da-da-da- daa!

Hi I'm Jim "all the keys of the priesthood" McKay, your host this afternoon, heres the headlines:

Abominable whore College,sorry Notre Dame beat BYU 48 points to nothing. Half the BYU team were late, the other half were tied up wondering what the strange symbols on the side of Lavell Edwards stadium meant and why something that looked like a lift shaft had been built in there, even though no one really knows its purpose.

At Utah Downs, the "race of the century" between Brighams Folly and Kimballs-backpassage was a photo finish. The Judge had to consult the quorum of the 12 for a verdict. Brighams Folly was pronounced the winner when it was discovered the most people had bet on Kimball. Afterall, Kimball did say Brigham was false and he never really happened, hence the mass of money wagered on his backpassage. The profit this has made the chruch has enabled The prophet to open a new center of temporal salvation, or a Casino as it is also known, when he next poses as a Lamanite and gets a gambling licence. The Prophet uttered something about turning white and delightsome,then corrected himself by stuttering "thats more of a couplet than anything else"

And finally, our live action was due to come from the first LDS Pro Golfers Tournament. A 160 strong field entered this year, sadly only 4 remain, the other 156 were excommunicated, including this bulletin boards Arnie for not earning enough money and having enough endorsements, to tithe to the church in 5 figures as is automatically expected whenever a pro golfer joins the LDS church. After a long period of discernment (names pulled out of a hat) Johnny Miller was declared the winner. However he caused controversy when he said: "Ya know I am better than Jesus Christ and Jack Nicklaus".

We all know no one is better than Jack Nicklaus, naughty Johnny!

Well thats it next on ABC Regis "The Priesthood" Philbin is here with "Who wants to tithe like a Millionaire!" Watch for the new feature on the show when instead of phoning a friend u can fone the free BOM hotline and speak to a spotty 19 year old Utahn who as a priesthood holder is worldly wise and full of lifes meaningful experiences. That part of the show is no longer sponsored by AT and T Instead Regis will say "latter day Saints, we need your help!"

Your producer and all the credits for this ABC Sports production goes to Arnie, I am Jim Mc Kay, GOODBYE!

05/28/2000 - anon


From: IOOC
To: Local SLC Olympic "Authorities"
Date: Today

Dear Elder(s)

Please note, contrary to the rumors we have heard floating around Temple Street in SLC, We have not now, and do not anticipate in the future, giving authorization to rename the prize given to any first place participant as "The Celestial Medal"

S/ I.B. Baughtoff

P.S. To Memo
To You know Who

RE: By the way, the next shipment of krugerrands, er, gold medals is overdue. Pls see to it.

I.B. Baughtoff

05/23/2000 -

2002 Offense Report: Pledges of offensive behavior.

BK Paquer- 497 (Personal Goal)
Well Meaning Members- 396,893
Faith Promoting Members- 567,376
Missionary Effort- 34,678
Utah Liqor Commission- 217,834
Deseret News- 99,000 (Expected Visiting Readership)
Mormon Ads Committee- (Worldwide Coverage)
Corporation of LDS Church- (Efforts yet to be realeased)
Mormons in Political Offices- (The field is white)
LDS Opportunists- 897,789,899

Pledges of Love Compassion or Christian Acts- (0)


Music Files - 2002 Olympic Themes

Help Us Romney! (short version) - To the tune: "Help Me Rhonda" - performed by Gordon B Hinckley created by Pat McKitrick
Click here for the Long Version - Help Us Romney!
Olympic Rings of Fire performed by Pat McKitrick
Hatchy Poo performed by Pat McKitrick
Olympic Man Hole Covers Song performed by Pat McKitrick
Exmos Light The Fire performed by Byron Goff, recorded by Ian Lewis and words by cricket."


We Are All Elitist

(Tune : "We Are All Enlisted" 07/22/2001 - cricket)

We are all elitist til the Olympics are o'er; Special are we!
Chosen are we! Darlings of the media, bright Oly gold is in store;
We shall win and wear it buy and buy. Haste to the sound byte, with mainstream appeal;
Smooze is our motto, P R is our shield. Stand by our Ensign;
Boasting we rave! We're gleefully, gleefully beating our own drum.

We are all elitist til the Olympics are o'er; Special are we!
Sunbeams are we! Pimping all the networks, for baptisms galore
We shall bribe and hide it buy and buy.

Hark! The sound of the gavel loudly and clear; Come all attorneys!
Come all reporters! We are praying now for plea bargains; jail time we do fear.
Rally round the scapegoats. Hark! Mitt Romney's our dear.
Lose not a sponsor, 'cuzz they will pay! Fight for our image;
Come, opinions to sway! We're pridefully, pridefully bragging 'bout our home.


Fighting for market share, Vatican's our foe; Giddy our we!
Cocky our we! Thank God for TV, our Mo-Tab Choir steals the show.
We shall win the verdict sly, sly, sly. Judge's on our side, why should we fear?
Gordon's our leader, the guv gives an near. They'll protect us with couplets and cheer.
We're humble-ee, hiding free, b'neath our capitol's dome.


The Morm'oly Hillbillies

Tune: Beverly Hillbillies - 06/16/2001 - by Poisein Pen
(Apologies to Brother Scruggs)

Well let me tell you a story 'bout a boy named Joe
A young money digger to a church he didn't go
And then one night he was layin' in his bed
When along came an angel and whacked him in the head
SPOKEN: Plates that is, let's go see

Well the next thing you know Joe's got a million heirs
But Brigham sez let's all move way out there
He sez in the mountains is where we oughtta go
So he loaded up his wives and he found the greatest snow
SPOKEN: On Earth that is, media pools, cheesey bribes--THE MORM'OLY HILLBILLIES!


Well Gord and all his family would like to thank you dear
Fer bringin all them cameras and winter sportin' gear
Yer all invited back next week to this locality
To have a heapin' helpin' of our best banality

SPOKEN: Hillbilly style, 10% gratuity included, Y'ALL COME BACK NOW, YOU HEAR

Donnie and Marie

Come sing along with Donny and Marie at the Closing Ceremony!

Featuring our special subliminal message hidden in the title of "We are family"!

The Molympic Anthem

by Jillian

(To the Mormon tune of "High On a Mountain Top")

High in the mountain tops the gauntlet has been hurled.
We’re pulling out all stops to welcome all the world!
The Molympics have arrived. The judgment day is nigh --
The Mormon P.R. Fest! It’s “Do or Die”!!!

For we remember still respect we couldn’t win.
The shame of being on the outside looking in.
We want to show the world we’re really ‘just plain folks’
And don’t deserve to be the butt of jokes.

We’ve got a brand new look for guides on Temple Square.
And you won’t see us prosyliting anywhere.
Remodeling’s almost done; we’ve tidied up the place.
But please don’t look too far beyond our face.

Now only listen to the things we want to share.
Cause there are lots of secrets lurking everywhere.
Polygamy’s a blip; Our family values rule.
And theocratic living’s really cool!

We’re hoping to convince the world that we’re mainstream.
Appearing like all others is our fondest dream.
The fastest growing church--Eleven million strong!
How could so many people all be wrong??!

So step into our web; we’ll show you all around.
We’ll even help you find out where there’s booze in town.
Eventually we’ll save you from your evil sin.
We’ve planned it all so LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!

Hinckley Wants Me for a Volunteer

10/27/2001 - Pat McKitrick

Here is one of my songs! A tribute to Profit Hinckley's solicitation for Olympic volunteers read over the pulpit in ward houses along the Wastach front...... one week before the Mormon Olympic scandal was exposed. To Tune "Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam"

Hinckley wants me for a volunteer
To work the Olympic Games
In every way I must please him
To build our MO'lympic fame

A volunteer, A volunteer
Hinckley wants me for a volunteer
A volunteer, A volunteer
I'll volunteer for him

Cricket's Eye View
2002 Salt Lake Winter Olympics

Welcome to my personal Olympic experience as documented by these images and descriptions. Living in Park City, Utah allowed me to experience daily this spectacular event celebrating humanity. How sweet it was to join in one common cause and thrill with the athletes in their world class efforts to achieve the gold.

I feel deeply grateful to the staff, volunteers and security forces who created such a wonderful event that I personally could enjoy so much. I took all of these photos myself. They are not copyrighted so please feel free to use them as you wish.

This high spirited and enthusiastic Olympic duo appeared to be cloned from behives and coneheads. They called themselves the "Beehive Babes" as they sang and danced their merry way up and down Park City Main Street.

The Olympic torch arrived with great fanfare atop Main Street with fireworks blasting away.

The torch starts its last leg down to Salt Lake City and to the lighting of the Olympic flame.

Each torch bearer had the privilege of keeping their own personal torch as this young wheel chair bound lad proudly demonstrates.

Donnie and Marie were not the only Osmonds to make an Olympic presence. Jimmy, the youngest Osmond, recently opened up a retail store on Main Street selling Hollywood memorabilia and personal care products.

At 8:00 p.m. each night a large fireworks display lighted the sky above Park City.

TV news crews from around the globe were searching for a story to tell.

Just in case someone could not "buy a drink" in Utah, this trusty St. Bernard was prepared to assist in the emergency.

At one point during the day the FBI, ATF and local police evacuated and secured lower Main Street in Park City due to a bomb scare. No bomb was found as Mark Hofmann was still behind bars at the state prison.

On the road to the Deer Valley venue.

One of the hundreds of buses transporting spectators. The designs were beautiful.

Thousands of spectators who watched the competition at Deer Valley walk down the hill to Park City.

Buses from all over the Western USA were borrowed for the Olympics. This one from San Diego says, "A warm welcome from San Diego".

One TV news crew from Europe actually scored an interview with Elohim Himself. The big guy showed up disquised as an alien so He would not be mobbed by fans and reporters seeking autographs.

Elohim unveils himself declaring, "As man is, I once was, as I am, man may become." Elohim's new name is Jonathan Higbee.

Joseph Smith did everything in Nauvoo, except stage the Olympics. He would have been proud of Salt Lake City.

These faithful LDS sister missionary tour guides denied "skating around" the hard questions international visitors posed to them.

These seagull puppets gracefully flew in flock formation around the Ice Center. Unfortunately all the crickets were frozen. Hopefully the flock will return in the summer during the annual infestation.

Mormon apostle, L. Tom Perry was on hand but seemed fixated on the coffee cups atop his admirer's heads. It was bitter cold, so maybe he was seeking for some burning in his bosom to warm up with.

Next to the apostle of the Lord were about one hundred athletes for Jesus sporting this logo on the their red jackets.

This Jesus patrol were out on possee seeking converts. They failed to catch Elder Perry in their lasso.

No one could actually figure out who or what these fanatic red fellows were up to. They did appear to be having the time of their lives.

These ladies in red with coffee cups on their heads were "discreetly" seeking just one husband. (see comments section below for true funny story about these women)

Looking Eastward from the Ice Center towards Temple Square. The large murals of olympic competitors on the tall office buildings were spectacular.

The Delta Center served as the Ice Center for the figure skating and short track competitions.

The Ice Center as night.

The Olympic Super Store cashed in big time.

Those who attended the First Annual Ex-Mormon General Conference October 2001 will recognize the Wyndham Hotel behind this lovely mural.

Art work of all types and forms abounded. This piece seemed to be a model of Planet Kolob.

The Canadians receiving their silver medals as the judging controversy errupted.

The Russians receiving their gold medals as the spectators sat stunned by the outcome.

This view from the Utah State Capitol shows the American flag in the foreground with the giant white Olympic rings up in the hills behind Salt Lake City.

Yours truly after hiking up to the rings. The security guard snapped this picture while kindly informing me that I was "off limits."

I was most fortunate to spend two hours on the Today Show set the Friday morning of the last day of NBC's olympic broadcast. Catie Couric on the stairs in between sets.

Matt Lauer post interview with the USA Womens's Hockey Silver Medal Team.

Matt Lauer setting up the next set. He gracefully autographed my Olymic Ticket.

The USA Womens's Hockey Team.

The lovely Russian figure skating silver medalist and her chaperone.

Sarah Hughes, the USA figure skating gold medalist enters the set. It was inspiring seeing young Sarah the morning after her stunning performance in the figure skating.

Sarah Hughes returns to the lobby and to more interviews.

The Olympic Stadium during the day time.

Entering the Olympic Stadium this lovely mural adorned the psychology building on the University of Utah campus. The athletes would enter and leave the stadium up and to the left on their way to and fro The Olympic Village.

A stunning sunset added fire and light to the Closing Ceremonies. The monitor shows the same mural of the female figure skater that adorns the West side of the Church Office Building in downtown Salt Lake City. You can see the COB far off in the distance.

The Olympic flame attracted spectators by the thousands each evening during the Olympics. How sad it was to see it extinguised at the closing.

The wonderful athletes and competitors seated below the flame during the closing.

The balloon segment with performers dangling and spinning below was awesome.

Big bands like KISS, Bon Jovi, etc were blowing us away.

Utah's first inhabitants lay dormant awaiting their turn during the closing.

The dinos awake and arise during their performance.

It was like Disneyland watching the big reptiles perform.

The Children of Light brought tears to the eyes of most spectators with their inspiring performances.

Inside stadium fireworks added impact to the already marvelously staged production.

Surrounded by the gigantic fireworks display, the athletes, the volunteers, the spectators and performers was a total experience and a true celebration of humanity. Just being a human being an not having to belong to any certain group for any certain reason felt so complete.

I remained in my seat enthralled by the melting together of humanity as the athletes streamed down to the stadium floor after the closing, to meet, greet and say goodbye to one another. As I write this three days after the closing, the emotion returns with the same intensity.

Thanks for letting me share my Olympic experience with you.


Gordon B Hinckley and 2002 Olympic skater crotch shot.


Comments Section

being a transplant from england and having left the CE and joined the LDS church (thus being a minority)i never saw such discrimination as i have since living in the U.S. I wonder if similar statements would ever be made in other countries with predominent religions. i truly doubt makes me think (very often) that some americans are very judgemental when they don't now what they're talking about. Britain beckons!!!! - 01/16/2007 - boop

Great photo essay of the Olympics! Makes me wish I had been there - especially since I could've actually had the chance to meet the big boss man Himself, Elohim the Almighty. By the way, where did He stay while in SLC? From the looks of the pictures I'd say the psych-ward of the state mental hospital. Divine raiment or hospital gown? Next time see if you can maneuver yourself to such an angle so the slit in the back of the gown shows, then we can all take a gander at Elohim's almighty ass. I'm sure there's more than one of us out there wondering if it's hairy. Was also pleased to discover that corrective lenses are available on Kolob - seems rather important that the creator sees clearly.

Was also wondering if you offered to hire out the Lampoon's crack team of bomb sniffing gerbils when lower Main Street in Park City was evacuated due to a bomb scare.

All joking aside, your photos are truly a moving pictorial tribute to the winter games. Thanks for sharing your experience with us! - 03/01/2002 - Twi

I was there also, altho didn't get to go to any actual events.  It was enough just to wander around Park City, see all the people, hear the different accents, and just "soak in" the vibes.  Olympic Square in downtown SLC was the same.  It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and I'm really glad I made the effort to go and mingle.  Have to hand it to the Olympic Comm. -- they pulled off a fabulous "happening"!!! -- Sue in Portland

Coffee Cup Ladies True Story
02/27/2002 by delphinium

I know a funny story about the "coffee cup" ladies (which I'm SURE they insisted was hot chocolate). They are LDS women and one of the songs they were supposed to sing was "Java Jive" (I love coffee, I love tea, I love the java jive and it loves me....)  

They were a bit upset and wanted to change the words to "I like Postum and herbal tea..."  because coffee and tea were 'against their religion'.  But in the end, artistic integrity (rather forcefully insisted upon by their vocal coach) won out and they sang the original words.

I didn't want to post this on the site until my friend (who was their vocal coach) gave me permission but I couldn't resist telling you.

P.S.  Loved your tribute. Great pix and sentiments...I'm jealous! - 02/27/2002 - from Gmarie 

It's nice to see the reflective side of Salamander Society for a change. Although the "Elohim" part was a great thing to toss in to the mix. - 02/27/2002 - namyzarc

Thanks! By the way, that picture of JS walking with figure skater on COB in background is a winner. - 02/27/2002 - Brian B

Way to go, Cricket!  I went to the Lillehammer Olympics in 1994.  It was an absolute blast.  Glad to see you made the most of SLC Olympics.  I thought they were great.   - 02/27/2002 - Ether, from the bb

If you are standing inside the church office building looking out on the side of the building where the figure skater is displayed I wonder if you can see up her skirt? I bet the General Authorities loved that view! Don't forget to stop by to listen to real audio recordings of the Mormon temple endowment. - 02/27/2002 - Rodney


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