Mormon Greeting Cards - For Those Especial Occasions

Please submit your creative card ideas in the box below.


More from 'The Leaving the Mormon Church Series:

Congratulations on your divorce from the LDS church. (inside) It's a pisser you can't collect alimony and child support!

A special gift on your graduation (inside) one-size-fits-all bikini underwear in a fold-out shot glass.

A free gift for you on your graduation (inside) The grace of Jesus. - 04/11/2003 - from Bring'em Young

To A Special Boy:

(Inside: Congratulations on not pulling your chain!)

Our Deepest Sympathy ( the "So, Your Daughter Married a Gentile" series) - 06/08/2002 - from Mae

Nothing says it like a Boyd K. Packer greeting card.

I thought I'd find a special card to express my deepest love on our anniversary, my dear. But found that after selecting this card the thinking had been done.
Sending you wishes of hope and joy on this day of your baptism.
Lying for the lord. - 11/02/2001 - from P.T. Brigham

Lifes been rough
Times been hard
Here's your F****** Pioneer Day Card! - 10/14/2001 - anon

The Leaving the Mormon Church Series

06/13/2001 - by P.T. Brigham

A Special Gift for you on your graduation....

(Inside card)

I'll make it briefs.

(inside card a holder for cash)

~~~~

For the Bishop and Stake Presidency

A special thanks to you...

For wasteing my time, playing with my mind, manipulating my emotions and taking my money.

The Leaving the Mormon Church Series

A Special Gift for you on your graduation....

(Inside card)

I'll make it briefs.
(a holder for cash)

~~~~

For the Bishop and Stake Presidency

A special thanks to you...

For wasting my time, playing with my mind, manipulating my emotions and taking my money.

05/17/2001 - anon

To my Estranged Bishop:

Roses are red
Violets are Blue
If you dont act on my letter
I'll be suing YOU!

10/05/2000 - anon

My dearest ____________:

It was so good to see you again at the _______________ meeting. You know, the Prophet/Elder/Bishop/Ensign/Relief Society President once said, "_________________________________". I am giving a talk next Sunday on what The Prophet/The Temple/The Book of Mormon means to me. I hope you will be there.

Woops! Gotta run; looks like one of the little ones got sent home with head lice/wet pants/soiled pants/inability to function in a public setting again.

All my love,

Sister/Brother _____________.

03/18/2000 - Jerry the Aspousestate

CORPORATE ANNOUNCEMENT BY HALLMARK CARDS
As a CPA, I read the financial press and some of you may have missed this recent announcement. Hallmark Cards, through its Shoebox Division (subsidiary for less traditional cards), announced last week a new line of cards for a niche market. The press release cited the recent series of television specials on PBS, A&E and the networks on the large and growing polygamy population in Utah and other western states.

The announcement stated the new line of cards is based on actual cards sent by Joseph Smith and other original Mormon polygamists. The flagship series of cards (with different illustrations) will have the following caption on the front:

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY UNCLE DAD!!"

Other cards in the series include greetings from one sister-wife to another: Front of card:

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY SISTER-WIFE!!

I probably shouldn't ask this but ..." Inside card:
"Our husband always gives me a thousand dollars on my birthday, and I've often wondered how much he gives you."

Belated Birthday card from Prophet to wife:
Front of card:
"Sorry I forgot your birthday, Honey."
Inside card:
"I got you mixed up with wife # _________. (Enter wife #)"

The companion card from the Prophet to correct errors (sold separately):
Front of card:
"Honey, disregard the Birthday card you recently received." Inside card:
"I got you mixed up with wife #__________. (Enter wife #)"

For the Prophet's Birthday:
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUBBY" Inside card:
"FROM ALL OF US! WE LOVE YOU!!"
Wife # 1 _________________________
Wife # 2 _________________________
Wife # 3 _________________________
Wife # 4 _________________________
Wife # 5 _________________________
Wife # 6 _________________________
Wife # 7 _________________________
Wife # 8 _________________________
(Additional wives sign on back of card.)"

Invitation to a party at the compound:
Front of card:
"WE'RE HAVING A PARTY!!"

Inside card:
"BYOGJ" (Bring your own green Jello.)

For the terminally ill patient:
Front of card:

"BON VOYAGE!!" Inside card:
"Have a great trip to Kolob."

I am sure Hallmark Cards, like the entire world, reads Lampoon. If you have any card ideas they would, no doubt, appreciate hearing them.

At the end of my report I am feeling guilty about all the gullible TBM spies who believe everything they read and won't realize this report is not Totally True. I have to confess. I led you on. Joseph Smith did not give his wives greeting cards -- he only gave them seed.

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