The Tapir Whisperer - Daniel Peterson - FARMS - BYU - Book of Mormon


Brother Peterson is not only a legend in his own mind but a legend in the mind of KBYU Movie Studios. Daniel is considered by the Brethren to be the "John Wayne" of all FARMS hands. The filmography of Daniel is nearly as long as his patriarchal blessing. So stop "tapiring" around and let the cameras roll! Saddle up with your expert guide Daniel C. Peterson from down on the FARMS. Keep these Book of Mormon scriptures in mind.

2 Nephi 12: 7
Their land also is full of silver and gold, neither is there any end of their treasures; their land is also full of horses, neither is there any end of their chariots.

Alma 18: 9
And they said unto him: Behold, he is feeding thy horses. Now the king had commanded his servants, previous to the time of the watering of their flocks, that they should prepare his horses and chariots, and conduct him forth to the land of Nephi; for there had been a great feast appointed at the land of Nephi, by the father of Lamoni, who was king over all the land.

Alma 18: 10
Now when king Lamoni heard that Ammon was preparing his horses and his chariots he was more astonished, because of the faithfulness of Ammon, saying: Surely there has not been any servant among all my servants that has been so faithful as this man; for even he doth remember all my commandments to execute them.

Alma 18: 12
And it came to pass that when Ammon had made ready the horses and the chariots for the king and his servants, he went in unto the king, and he saw that the countenance of the king was changed; therefore he was about to return out of his presence.

Alma 20: 6
Now when Lamoni had heard this he caused that his servants should make ready his horses and his chariots.

3 Ne. 3: 22
And it came to pass in the seventeenth year, in the latter end of the year, the proclamation of Lachoneus had gone forth throughout all the face of the land, and they had taken their horses, and their chariots, and their cattle, and all their flocks, and their herds, and their grain, and all their substance, and did march forth by thousands and by tens of thousands, until they had all gone forth to the place which had been appointed that they should gather themselves together, to defend themselves against their enemies.

3 Ne. 21: 14
Yea, wo be unto the Gentiles except they repent; for it shall come to pass in that day, saith the Father, that I will cut off thy horses out of the midst of thee, and I will destroy thy chariots;

Chief Riding Tapir FARMS FAIR BYU LDS Book of Mormon DNA Lamanite.

Lamanite petroglyphs show on horses.

The Rocks don't show any horses - I have taken a lot of photos of Rock Art here in Utah and there are many different animals depicted such as, Goats, Deer, Elk, Bear, Snakes and Buffalo but you never see any horses. That is until the modern Indians began to draw them. They are then seen being ridden, some with saddles. Some with the old trains. If the ancient Indians felt that it was important enough to draw pictures on the rocks of the animals they had and used why didn't they draw any horses? - 11/18/2005 - x-lamenite

FARM FAIR - Where are petroglyphs of horses and chariots?
Ancient horse and chariot images are not found in the Western Hemisphere

Brant A Garder FAIR apologist of Mormonia.Even when horses are confirmed to have been present, that will not mean that they were used. That makes it even more interesting that the Book of Mormon never shows the horses doing anything more than walking. Personally, I suspect that the "horses" that are prepared with the "chariots" may have been riding on platforms rather than pulling them. Look at the so-called wheeled toys. They are very often wheeled platforms with an animal on them - and no indication that any beast of burden might pull them. I suspect that they were miniatures of procession vehicles that were pulled on the ceremonial roads that sometimes linked Maya cities (called sacbeob). - Brant A Gardner FAIR 2005

FARMS YARNS: Members of Lehi's family may have applied "loanwords" to certain animal species that they encountered for the first time in the New World, such as the Mesoamerican tapir. While some species of tapir are rather small, the Mesoamerican variety (tapiris bairdii) can grow to be nearly six and a half feet in length and can weigh more than six hundred pounds. Many zoologists and anthropologists have compared the tapir's features to those of a horse or a donkey.

Young tapirs who have lost their mothers are easily tamed and will eat from a bowl, and they like to be petted and will often allow children to ride on their backs.

One could hardly fault Old World visitors to the New World for choosing to classify the Mesoamerican tapir as a horse or an ass, if that is what happened. Given the limitations of zoo-archaeology, and also those of other potentially helpful disciplines when probing many centuries into the forgotten past, it is unwise to dismiss the references in the Book of Mormon to horses as erroneous.

This Research Report was prepared by the FARMS Studios and is based on the latest available scholarly research and revelations. It is subject to revision as more paparazzi on the subject becomes available. The views expressed herein expressly represent the position of FARMS, Brigham Young University, or the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saddlemen.

Question: Was Jay Silverheels who starred as Tonto a real Lamanite?

Brother Peterson: Yes he was and no he wasn't. Jay Silverheels, who played Tonto on the show, was a full-blooded Mohawk Indian from the Six Nations Indian Reservation in Ontario, Canada. Jay played along with me in the entire Lone Stanger KBYU-TV series as well as the two feature length motion pictures "The Lone Stranger" and "The Lone Stranger Kicks the Shiz Out of the Gadiantion Robbers."

He passed away March 5, 1980. His body was cremated and the ashes were scattered over the Six Nations Reservation where he was born 62 years earlier. This will make Jay's rising in the morning of the First Resurrection problematic, but I hope we can piece him back together again. My FARMS lab technicians pieced Humpty Dumpty back together again just in the nick of time so I am sure Brother Silverheels will end up on Kolob right on schedule.

I personally had myself baptized for and in behalf of Brother Silverheels, who is dead, in the Provo Mormon Temple. Coincidentally, when I went through the veil for him, his "new name" actually WAS Tonto. This was such a testimony builder for me!

Question: Look, I know horses like Mr. Ed can really talk because I've witnessed him with my own eyes on KBYU-TV. Mmmm, but a talking tapir? Can this be real?

Brother Peterson: Like nearly everything in the Book of Mormon, Mr. Enos the talking tapir was hard for me to believe. In fact while shooting the TV series I literally had to put my "spiritual eyes and ears" on before I could see and hear what Mr. Enos was telling me. This spiritual gift also prevented me from stepping in his Urine and Dungum on the set.

Mr. Enos had a special spirit and was such an inspiration to work with. He was always telling me Paul H. Dunn stories. The Holy Ghost often had to whisper to him to stop the "tapir-play" on the set. He swore that the Brother-of-Jared rode his great, great, great, great grandstudder, "Tapir-With-No-Name" into many a battle against the dark and loathsome folks.

Sadly one of Mr. Enos' ancestors who started the journey to the Promised Land in a barge was killed and devoured by starving Jaredites. This tapir-martyr's name is fondly known upon the records of the Church as "Seabiscuit."

When in Mollywood, Mr. Enos would spend evenings and weekends out to pasture with his old stall-mate Trigger the Tapir. That is, when Roy Rogers didn't need to ride Trigger to the Los Angeles Temple for a session or two.

Question: I've been to Hill Cumorah in New York and didn't see any old tapir bones, battle armour or chariot wheels in the surrounding fields. Surely there must remain a few pieces of evidence from the monumental good-guy vs. bad-guy battles in the Book of Mormon?

Brother Peterson: Spiritually immature people ask me this question all of time. Only those possessed of the devil and anti-Mormons complicate this simple issue. Nevertheless, lo and behold and in spite of my exceeding wearyness and trials of my patience I will show unto you the answer, for behold I am Daniel and I speaketh with the voice of thunder and with a forked tongue.

The answer is simple. Tapir excrement is an extemely reactive organic substance and when combined with any form of steel, stone, iron, wood, bone or textile, will oxidize, fizzle and vaporize all matter into thin air.

The Lord designed life in the Western Hemisphere just this way to allow us the blessing of developing the faith of a "Mult-Level Marketer" necessary to believe everything Joseph Smith has revealed unto us. Trust me, I would never lead you astray.

Speaking of leading, I better lead my pet Tapir, Teomer back to the barn. He just does not get along with the Cureloms and Cumons.

Beaming with pride at the base of the Hill Cumorah near Palmyra, New York, a FARMS worker describes "The Curelom." Previously believed extinct until an angel delivered its sacred DNA to molecular biologist Scott Woodward's laboratory at BYU. Brother Woodward was able to resurrect the "useful" beast of burden by cloning.

Many FARMS workers believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that the curelom's sturdy five legs provided enough strength and support to lug Moroni and the 200 lbs of golden plates the four thousand miles from Zarehemla to Hill Cumorah. The four ears and three eyes of the Curelom kept constant vigil and protection from stampeding tapirs.

Arnold (I'mmmm baaaacckkk!) Friberg volunteers his weekends at the Hill Cumorah. His experience as a migrant FARMS worker at the California Governor's office helps him train and manage the bulky Book of Mormon brute known as "The Cumon." (pronounce "Ah-come-on!")

This "useful" animal was the diesel semi-truck of the Nephites, running routes up and down the "Narrow Neck of Land Memorial Highway". And it came to pass that the Cumon was always "comin' and goin'" one way or the other. Too bad the Mormon Pioneers did not have access to these handy creatures who also could remember the way to every famous Book of Mormon archaeological site from Adam-Ondi-Ahman to the Waters of Mormon.

Book of Mormon Horse of Course

(Tune: "Theme Song to TV Show - Mr.Ed 'A Horse is a Horse'" - created by Bat James)

A horse is a horse of course, of course.
And no-one can confuse a deer with a horse of course.
that is of course unless the horse is found in the B. o. M.!
Go right to the source and ask John Sorenson,
he'll give you the answer that Mormons endorse.
They're always on a dishonest course,
talk to Brother Mo!

Evidence of evolution at FARMS

Comments Section

Wonderful! Funny! Insulting! Every element a 'Mormon who woke up and smelled the tapir dung' site needs to have. - 03/31/2007 - Neil

Surely you've heard that old expression "You're putting the cart before the horse." That saying is a vestige of the old Nephite tradition of putting their carts under their horses. The fact that a variation of the saying still exists proves that the Book of Mormon is true.

It would be far too logical and convenient for the Nephites to have manufactured chariots for their horses to pull (like everybody else in the ancient world did.) In the land of the Nephites, where nothing ever made any sense, the people built platforms and had their horses and chariots ride upon them in grand ceremonies. The platforms, which unlike the chariots had no wheels, were then dragged around by a team of trained tapirs, or sometimes, eight tiny reindeer. - 11/18/2005 - Randy J

Maybe if we were only asked to believe JUST THIS quantum leap in logic it wouldn't be too much but when you add up the plagiarisms of Isaiah and Matthew, the nonsense about "translating" when he's getting "revelations" about what supposedly happened in the BoMb, the requirement for FARMS to "explain" everything that cannot be "proved" in Joe's allegations...the bullshit alarm should be blaring at full volume.

Sadly, those who don't want to disbelieve, for whatever reason, are relieved when the disingenuous FARMers come up with an explanation...ANY explanation will do. - 11/18/2005 - Brian-the-Christ

I used to be a TBM (True Believing Mormon) until I started reading and pondering the BoM cover to cover...if God told Ether to bury the "interpreters" with the 24 plates (Ether 3:23), how the hell did King Mosiah gain possession of them before the plates were discovered (Mosiah 8:13)?? And where did Jared and his more-faithful brother & Co. put ALL THE HUMAN WASTE/ANIMAL $#!+ that must have accumulated during the year they were in the submarine/barge?? Did they poke it through the airhole, one piece at a time?! And the urine? Wouldn't the smell have asphyxiated everyone...and/or the methane gas have caused an explosion?? Oh, wait--where is my FAITH? Of course, God blessed everyone and the animals so that they didn't have to relieve themselves, even though the BoM says they brought enough FOOD to eat for the entire journey (Ether 6:4)!!I'd love to see you address this issue on your site! Thanks for your efforts here...I haven't laughed so hard in ages! - 05/21/2005 - from FaithlessApostate

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