The LDS Family takes in a flick: A New R-rated MormonAd

Reviewed by Steve Powell - 03/17/2003

Opening scene from the “flick” MormonAd: the quintessential Mormon family enters a movie theater.
But this MormonAd was actually filmed not in the 5th Avenue Theater, but in a Mormon temple. Mormon temples are typically a multiplex of theaters in which are shown films about Adam and Eve and the peculiarly Mormon account of all the supernatural visitors they received in the Garden of Eden, including yet-to-be-born New Testament characters Peter, James and John, and ol’ Scratch himself. This family is watching the scene in the temple-endowment flick where Satan visits Adam and Eve. In the temple-movie scene everyone is wearing cave-man skins (we would like to have seen less of the animal skin and more of Eve’s) except Satan, who is wearing all his beautiful, richly embroidered robes and finery.
As usual, Father is bored by the temple movie with all the tedious secret handshakes and covenants, and is easily distracted. He is your typical 50-something Mormon dad, with receding hairline, and a paunch to go with it (not visible but probably down there under his jacket). He glances over at his wife.
Wait! Check out the close-ups. That pretty young thing must be pops’ daughter. If she were a Mormon mother of three, she would be wearing a muumuu to conceal the extra 60 lbs. and the bun in the oven. Look at those sensuous moist lips. Mmm! All the teenagers and twenty-something girls are wearing that erotic wet-look lipstick. Let’s see some tongue, baby! Maybe this is not the quintessential Mormon family after all, but rather a single pop watching a show with his two sons and two daughters. Is the Mormon Church finally acknowledging there are a whole lot of LDS single-parent families whose members actually love and respect each other?
Hold on! Take a gander at the way he’s looking at her . . . hey, he’s reaching out to touch her! Where’s he touching her? Where’s he touching her? There’s something going on here.
They’re holding hands! And note the way they look at each other, like they’re having an orgasm. We thought she was his daughter, but . . . wait just a minute! She is his daughter, and this is a Latter-day Saint family, so his daughter can also be one of his wives.

This is not a single-parent family after all, but rather a traditional Mormon polygamous family. So where’s daughter-wife’s mom? Probably home nurturing some extra weight in the abdomen. But no matter. The Mormon culture looks at monogamy in the same way as taking a long trip in a car without a spare tire. In Mormonism, families are what it’s all about, and spare families are part of the bargain.

Voice-over: “Marriage: you’re never too far apart when you’re still holding hands.” And polygamous families are forever holding hands because . . .
. . . God’s eternal kingdom of Utah is the only place outside of the Middle East where you can have a pregnant, harried, depressed and overweight wife and a young-slim sex-pot wife at the same time. As a Latter-day Saint male, you really can have your cake and eat it too, and no doubt the dad in this MormonAd has had some good eatin’!

Comments Section

Do reall think that Mormons are like that? You really need to straighten your facts buddyboy. Really, you think you know everything, and I agree with the comment above. - 12/14/2008 - Sister Missionary

I agree wholeheartedly with Elder Pyle. It is very sad to see one so misinformed, with such an nonsensical prejudice towards a subject that they know nothing about. Please accept his challenge, you will find that there is no facts in this awful mockery you've made. - 08/30/2007 - Angie

Your ignorance in posting such an ad is superceded only by your sheer stupidity, lack of common sense and obvious hatred of a people and belief you obviously don't know much about. Were you to take the time and become informed on this subject, I am certain you would be even as Paul of ancient of days, who went about persecuting the saints in his day, and upon finding things weren't as he perceived them to be, spent the remainder of his days striving to repair the damage he had done, seeking to rebuild and uplift, instead of tearing down and seeking to destroy further the efforts of those who's greatest desire was to do right. Now, in case you don't know who Paul is (and I am presuming you do not based on your obvious sense of religious persecution and stereotyping), he was one of the Saviour's most ardent supporters, eventually giving his life for the sake of Christianity. As for Mormons being polygamists, you really are ignorant arent you! You my friend, need to get a clue.

On the other hand, continuing in your present course helps further the work of those whose hearts are sincere, as your work makes you look like the fool you seem to be. Knowing who you are, and where you come from only makes your present circumstance that much more discouraging and I do feel much empathy for your present state. I am hopeful this same ignorance that compels you to convey such nonsense will be sufficient enough to shield you from that which is true until such time as you are really prepared to know and understand those truths.

If you are willing to put your reputation where your mouth is, I challenge you (IF you think you're brave enough) to contact the LDS missionaries in your area and find out first hand what the LDS church is all about. That is, IF you have the courage to do so. Which presently I doubt, as most people with views like yourself are too weak and scared to take this challenge. Given the stakes, which one are you? Because until you do take me up on my challenge, you will continue to be an excellent contemporary example of why Prejudice is alive and well; thanks in no small part, to misguided individuals such as yourself.

By the way, I'm on active duty with the Air Force, am LDS, have six (yes, that's six 6, one more than five, one less then seven in case you are as ignorant in academics are you are in the present topic) children and a gorgeous wife (as in ONE 1), to whom I've been married for almost 20 years. Polygamy is not lawful in the LDS church, and those who engage in such practices are excommunicated and/or imprisoned. So before you put your OTHER foot in your mouth up to your knee, I recommend you get a clue my friend, and don't alienate the very people who would go out of their way to help you were you in need, give of their food, even open their homes to you if needed.

Have a nice day. - 06/15/2004 - Elder Gomer Pyle - Danite in the Pre-Existence


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