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Friday September 12, 2003
Noah Danby reveals his versatility as a professional actor with an inspiring resume of screen television and theatrical credits longer than most Patriarchal Blessings. Demonstrating his Arnold Friberg-like 6-foot-3, 224-pound temporal body, Danby glows brighter than the Lord's finger in his starring role as Nephi.
Brother Danby's own web site lists his roles in 10 full-length movies, 17 television features and 14 professional stage productions. Now comes his block-buster role in that of Nephi, the Book of Mormon hero, in "The Journey," the first volume of the "Book of Mormon Movie" scheduled for translation in theaters September 2003.
Brother Danby let his light so shine playing gay characters named "Tatoo" and "Captain Astro," flashing a few nude scenes. Brother Danby proudly lists those credits on his own Web site, along with his current role as Golden Boy Nephi. Casting directors selected Danby after being inspired by the reading of the Book of Mormon scripture Ether 2:17 And they were built after a manner that they were exceedingly tight...and the bottom thereof was tight like unto a dish...and the length thereof was the length of a tree...
The Book of Mormon Movie Web site makes clear that the LDS Church is not involved with the project but that the Holy Ghost actually directed the movie while angels silently notes taking produced the epic.
Now if we can only get Brother Danby and Sister Beller in the next episode of the Book of Mormon movie, we will have a burning of the bosom and strength in the loins and sinews.
Congregations everywhere just can't wait for the "and the length thereof was the length of tree" scene in the upcoming Book of Mormon Movie II. "The Iron Rod" is now the most requested hymn of the Tabernacle Choir.
Of course, I always thought that Nephi was totally HOT!!
For some mysterious reason known only to the Lord, The Book of Mormon Movie's website omits Brother Danby's past performances in the graphic gay-themed 2001 Showtime mini-series, "Queer as Folk."
Brother Danby's experience in "soft porno" follows the tradition of other actors starring Mormon in roles. Kathleen Beller cast as Eliza Williams in "Legacy" previously bared full frontal nudity in "The Besty."
More sexy photos of him!! - 12/15/2008 - Jake
Knowing Brother Danby personally and having seen him in all his glory, we can only pray that a full-frontal scene of him will be forthcoming. Trust me, it's even lovelier than the backside!!! ;) - 11/12/2008 - anon
Has anyone noticed that the actor that plays Nephi in the new BOM movie has had his personal website altered? I went to noahdanby.com a few months ago and it listed "Queer As Folk" (totally gay movie) and just recently there is no trace of his having done the movie.. What strings were pulled to bring this off? - 01/21/2004 - anon
As a graduate of the marriott school of business, I know why the BOM movie is failing - Marketing.
Yes I imagine that it is a crappy movie. Although I haven't actually seen it myself, I'll take it as a given that it must be since even the Deserted News pans it. But so what. Crappy movies make tons of money all the time. Come on, look at Titanic, 3 of the 5 Star Wars movies, etc. etc. etc. It's all about the marketing baby.
So, in the spirit of fraternal alumni-hood with all my fellow zoobie grads that are investors in this POC, I have taken the liberty to draft up a 30-second commerical for the BOM movie so that the makers can get the jaded movie-watching audiences of the mormon corrider off their sodding arses and into the theaters. (And for Gordon Bitimous - if you are reading this, or having it read to you, moving pictures are called movies now, so I am talking about moving pictures here - got it?)
Anyway, here is the script for my commercial:
See the shocking truth about how the Americas were really discovered. Everything they taught you in school was a lie. Now on screen, for the first time ever, you will see the alarming truths that have been suppressed by a trilateral conspiracy consisting of the U.S. Government, a secret society of Ivy league academic elites, and a third party so powerful that . . . WE ARE TOO DAMN TERRIFIED OF IT TO REVEAL AT THIS TIME.
In Part One of this multi-part screen epic, you will thrill to the adventures of Nephi, the murderous teenager. And you thought those Columbine boys were bad. See what Nephi does to a powerful man with a sword UNDER ORDER FROM A SUPERNATURAL BEING who whispers in his ear and COMMANDS HIM TO MURDER. Thrill to the murderous teenager's escape from justice. Listen to the paranormal overlord's commands being disobeyed by Nephi's brothers. And watch as the wrath of the phantasmal entity is unleashed in all its horrific power.
See the Overlord use his psychic force to guide the murderer Nephi away from the laws of Jerusalem and the swift justice he would have faced for his crime, across the storm-tossed seas and to the desolate and uninhabited shores of the Americas. What happened to the Indians? You must see this movie to find out. The scandalous events that happen once the killer teen and his klan arrive in the Americas will stun even the most jaded moviegoer.
New voice: "This film is rated R for cartoon-like violence and dialogue and story-line which insults the intelligence of the audience."
Original Voice: And stay tuned for further installments of this wondrous epic tale, including the tale of the man who was killed in Jerusalem and then rose from the dead to destroy cities and civilizations in the Americas, killing millions in his horrific path of destruction. And in another installment - the twisted tale of the man with the name so shockingly bizarre, so drenched in Voldemort-like power, THAT EVEN THE AUTHOR COULDN'T BRING HIMSELF TO WRITE IT DOWN. - 11/20/2003 - tanstaafl
Book of Ether in the Book of Mormon. They built vessels "Tight like unto a dish."
Funny stuff. This is my favorite part of the Book of Abraham. It is kind of like the movie 'Airplane'. They originally planned to put windows in, but alas, the windows would have been smashed to pieces. I wonder who sold windows for submarines in 2000 BC?
Also, God came up with a great plan. Since these vessels would be tossed upside down occasionally, they would need 2 port holes with stoppers in them. When they need air, pull one of the stoppers out, if water rushes in, it means you pulled the wrong stopper, put it back in real quick like and open the other stopper. Hilarious stuff. I would love to see a Book of Ether movie made starring Leslie Neilson. - 10/26/2003 - Joe
At last!!!! The church pays homage to it's gay members by using an actor formerly seen in "Queer as Folk". Noah is truly eye candy for our gay brothers .... What is next for our prolific mormon movie producers... Queer eye for the Lamanite Guy??? Does this mean the gay mormon's formerly banned can now creep out of the closet?
Oh hand me my white hanky... I feel a wave comming on. - 10/05/2003 - Sister Sappho
Now I have reason to, not only see this movie, but make my parents very happy that I have finally choosen a "good" film to go to. I will make it a "Family" thing, but I guess I will have to settle for my parents and not my 'family', they live in different cities...love you guys, at least I will think of the imfamous words of Debra Messing, "Gay sex is hot" - 10/04/2003 - from Carnivore
This is so totally spiritual. It is my goal, after all, to make The Book of Mormon Movie into one of the great gay cult-films of all time.
Remember what 1 Nephi 4:13 says, "It is better that one man should cherish than that a notion should dwindle and perish without relief." - 10/04/2003 - by Bashful Beastie Boyd K.
Ain't it just like them mormons to use that fine boy Noah to quietly appeal to them gay ones. I can just hear the concern for the misbehavin' homos, "Ya gotta git the gospel in 'em somehow", and it would seem, veiwing Mr Danby's luscious display of charms, that they might just accomplish that mission. - 10/04/2003 - anon
Dear Fan Club:
I took a look at the Latter-day Lampoon’s page today, and felt the spirit or something stirring within my breast and spreading to my nether-regions when I saw the special section on Noah Danby’s outstanding performance in The Book of Mormon Movie. While it is true that the overall story, script, directing, sets, costumes, special effects and the remaining cast of the film were dreadful, the fact remains that there was Noah Danby’s chest, legs, and pecs – what more could we possibly want? And that leather headband along with the overall scruffy look….. I’m getting all weepy here, so pardon me for a moment.
There. I’m back. Anyway, I’m very pleased that the producers of The Book of Mormon Movie decided to follow the time-honored artwork that one finds in the missionary editions of the BOM – you know, where all the guys are astonishingly buff even when they’re in their 80s. If you think about it, the artwork is quite similar to the old “physique magazines” in the 1950s, but it’s much better because you can carry the BOM with you everywhere, and people will think you’re pious as hell for doing so. I’d be willing to bet that the missionary edition of the BOM has kept many a young man entertained during those long, lonely nights out in some squalid nation for two years.
Again, thank you for throwing out a rather luscious bone to the segment of American society that already knew and appreciated the work of Noah Danby during his QAF appearances. Now I can return to offering fragrant incense to my Noah Danby shrine. - 10/03/2003 - Michael
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