KXMO - Mormon Radio TV - Spoken Word - Music

Driving While Mormon	Backyard Professor and the Council of the Gods
MAM Sez Your Bible is Wrong	Wives of Joseph Smith - Why have just one?

The Broken Word - Current General Authorities and Celebrities

Click image for Gordon "Bee in his G's" Hinckley and his Doctrine of Disco - 04/27/2005 - by Pat McKitrick	Click image for a 10 minute sound bite which includes subliminal messages from Hinckley, Hatch, Marriott and Ballard. Caution: Listening may induce uncontrollable urges to attend church. 04/27/2005 - by Pat McKitrick
	Elder Packer realizes that he will "not dwell in the house of the Lord, ever." 02/09/2005 - Mathew
Gordon B Hinckley admonishes intolerance at General Conference while "speaking boldly and carrying a small stick." 02/05/2005 - Mathew	Hinckley, Wallace, Dorothy and the Wizard - "Little flicks of history" - 12/19/2004 - by Pat McKitrick
Faust and Hinckley - Mormon Pioneers merely "Little flicks of history" - 12/19/2004 - by McKitrick	Monson and Hinckley - Mormon Pioneers merely "Little flicks of history" - 12/25/2004 - by Pat McKitrick
Hinckley reacts to Grant Palmer Book Sales - 12/13/2004 - by Pat McKitrick	Who could believe such a story? - 12/02/2004 - by Pat McKitrick
Hinckley and Kinison Gordon Hinckley, Mike Wallace... Steve Benson...Better Than Ezra... The Three Stooges, and Sam Kinison. It could only be Pat McKitrick's tribute to Hinckliey's PR genius, based on Ap '96 60 Minutes interview and Hinckley's other PR brilliance in the last ten years. We sure will miss him when he's finally gone! - 06/12/2004 - by Pat McKitrick (caution: one foul word)	Hinckley and Dutcher let the sparks fly - 05/30/2004 - by Pat McKitrick (caution: potty humor)
Hinckley - The Puppet Prophet - 05/10/2004 - by Pat McKitrick (contains no profanity or vulgarity)	Hinckley's Pay Lay Ale. 05/10/2004 - by Pat McKitrick (caution: contains profanity)
The Wallace - Hinckley Interview. Gordon gets rattled when confronted on the "Blacks and the Priesthood" question. - 04/22/2004 by Paul Maughan courtesy of Pat McKitrick	Marie Osmond's most embarrassing moment MP3 audio only file or WMv video file. So funny you may pee your pants right along with Marie. Is this the Lord's punishment for Marie fudging on the "No dating until you're sixteen rule?" Click link for download.
President 'HinckLiey' explains church policy about historical inspection of the Church. Scholars state their understanding of the policy. Click link for download	Peter Gabriel's "Dirt" on Gordon B Hinckley at General Conference click link for download
Gordon B Hinckley at General Conference October 6, 1985 Inspired to tell Mormons in Mexico they are "The Children of Lehi." - 12/20/2003 - courtesy of Pat McKitrick and www.lds.org Actual text: "I have been to Mexico a number of times extending over a period of many years. Once our people there seemed so poor, their education so meager. They appeared to be seriously handicapped in many ways. Now, recently, when the Mexico City Temple was dedicated, they came by the thousands. They were clean, their faces bright and smiling, their clothes neat and attractive. They bore every mark of education and refinement. There was something of greatness apparent in them. Most of them have the blood of Lehi in their veins. The shackles of darkness have fallen from their eyes, as promised by the prophets of the Book of Mormon. They have become �a pure and a delightsome people.� (2 Ne. 30:6.) What a wonderfully uplifting experience it was to be with them and to witness the miraculous power of God in their lives."	Workin' It - Hinckley wants to soar like an eagle but Don Henley and Pat McKitrick shot him down - 05/30/2002
Telestial Trash Talk'n - Hinckley and Aerosmith - 04/17/2002 - created by Pat McKitrick	And The Sheep Follow - Hinckley and Oaks fleece'm - 04/17/2002 - created by Pat McKitrick
Hells Bells For Hinckley - A General Conference dream come true - 03/25/2002 - created by Pat McKitrick	We Thank Thee Oh God For A Profit Cha Ching We Sing - 03/05/2002 - created by Pat McKitrick
Hinckley's Alzheimers and Tourettes Syndrome flairs up at General Conference - 11/03/2001 - created by Pat McKitrick
Gordon's Prophetic Advice - 06/15/2001 - courtesy of Silas at Latter-day Aints	Gordon B Hinckley on mi$$ionaries - 06/15/2001 - courtesy of Silas at Latter-day Aints

The Spoken Word - Voices Saying "Hie" from Kolob

Music Files - Misc Themes

	Joe - The Great American Prophet - 02/09/2004 - written and performed by - Rambooze and The Hinge (click link for mp3 download of "Joe") When I was just a little bitty man All those holy rollers with their shovels in hand You know my mommy sat me down, said write your own book You can play it right son, You got that look! So I fashioned my tale from a forest so green Threw in some ghosts and saviors - Johnny Rotten Appleseeds I got some white men and red men in some fools’ gold on sale King James helped out, Shakespeare and my ale I said, Oh my God, Looky at me, The mirror-ball man selling faith for a fee I got your vices for prices and crutches for the weak Submit and suppress and maybe someday you can be me So we headed out of town like all good, little cults should How to be King if not in my own neck of woods? Well the power was sweet and they loved to be held I had all the answers - Now keep the questions to yourselves! - Oh, No Oh my God, Looky at me! I got them groping at ghosts Chef Boyardees Now if it don’t look right, just remember what I speak Submit and oppress and maybe someday you can be me (Something to the tune of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” song) That’s right, and when I die They’ll build me a statue and point it at the sky Made of gold from the money of my tale Believing everyone’s wrong except for them who buy faith that’s for sale Oh my God, Looky at me, The mirror-ball man selling faith for a fee I got your vices for prices and crutches for the week Submit and suppress and maybe someday you can be me
	Exmos Light The Fire - 01/25/2001 - performed by Byron Goff, recorded by Ian Lewis and words by cricket."
	Heterodox - 04/15/2000 - created by Ian Lewis. Listen to "Who Talks To God", "Lithium", "God Is Watching" and "Loosing Control."
	Mormon Rap - written, produced, recorded and performed by Walter Gregory of Sandy, Utah - The Walter & Hays Band
	Wannabe Elder - Version I - 04/05/2000 - by Steve Nunez Wannabe Elder - Version II - 12/07/2003 - creator unknown, submitted by Stray Mutt

The Spoken Word - Misc Themes

Music Files - 2002 Olympic Themes

Just a small note to say thanks for a few of the files i was able to attain from this site. However as a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints also keeping in mind that i am but of a meer 16 years of age i was quite offened at some of the images that appear in the upper half of this page that depicted pictures of our past prophet and apostles with visual annotations added. Being a website that acts as a medium of church files, i have strong feelings that these images are of a highly innapropriate nature and present no positive connotations towards the church thus damaging the public image of the church also. Much appreciation would arise if these images were removed. - 12/15/2008 - Dissapointed Raff

The Book of Mormon is 1830 religious fiction and how anyone takes it serious is beyond comprehension. How quickly they abandon the true gospel for a gospel that is really "no gospel at all". - 04/15/2008 - anon

You know what's funny? Only a bunch of fags that have nothing better to do in the boring state of Utah would actually create a site to make fun of mormons. Dude, leave Utah and you'll realize that nobody gives a damn about what mormons do or believe. You guys make me laugh. I realize how retarded...wait..Utahrded this site and so many of your Utahrded buddies are that would spend their time doing what you guys are doing. Its about time you guys finally put away your Star Wars light saber, move out of mommy's basement, and realize that being a level 10 dungeon master won't help you get laid...but then again...who needs chicks? You've got mommy! - 02/06/2008 - Yourmom

You guys are just mad because you were excommunicated for something a long time back and you don't want to take the blame. Your afraid of Mormons because they are the true church. Thats why you feel it's nesesary to spend all this time on this web site. How about get a job and quit living off the welfare of taxes wealthy mormons pay. Oh yea, if you ever want to come back to the true church just come, we'll accept you. We don't speak bad of other churches, saying we are the true church isn't speaking badly about other churches. Why don't you get a life and try to make something of you pointless and insignificant life. - 11/16/2007 - anon

Sick, Sad, and Sadistic. Just wait until Thurl Bailey gets his hands on YOU guys..... Donny and Marie Forever!!!! - 04/27/2005 - anon

(And I use the term with GREAT reservation). I'd be willing to bet your left testicle that you did not pay Walt for the use of "The Mormon Rap".

I think you have a really special website. You've captured the essence of what happens when low IQ is given the right of free speech. Why don't you go stand on the steps of the Conference Center and waste some more time?

Editor's Note: We the sisters of the Provo 397th Ward Relief Society who sponsor the Salamander Society as a Homemaking Night service project resent your reference to us as "gentlemen." Please refer to us as "Sistern."

As far a intelligence goes, please use your other head, if you can pull it out long enough, to realize that the Lampoon is a non-commercial website and we don't sell or download Mormon Rap. A closer look will reveal that we actually assist Walt in promoting his music by linking to his website for the download."

Actually Walt should be paying the Salamander Society for referral clicks to his site. Now that's what we Sistern call service to our fellow man! And we continue with service to Walt and his fans in spite of never receiving one hint of thanks or appreciation from him or his band.

Charity never faileth here at the Salamander Society, even if we're tempted to charge Walt ten percent of his annual income.

I am sooooooo sorry that you are telestial material. As for your comments and presentations on this site, you are in good company. I have a monkey, two parrots and a Jackass that are of the same opinion!

Editor's note: Shame on you for calling Hinckley a monkey, Monson and Faust and parrots and Packer a jackass.

I just want to know that this website really shocked me and that was what you want. well, i know deep inside that you have some clear feelings about this church, good or bad, i dont know. hope you reconsider those feelings and do what you know your heat feels like. I can only say that am able to forgive you, though it doent matter to you, but i try not to think of negatives thoughts of you for i myself is not fair judge. I just hope that the fair judge wil give you a chance. - 02/09/2005 - from pringles21

Keep up the good work and don't listen to the angry mormons. - 02/05/2005 - anon

I think it is funny that Mormons get their feathers ruffled at the slightest hint of challenge or perceived attack on their faith. You guys are HYPER sensitive. Other religions get poked at all the time (Jews, Catholics, Jehova Witnesses, etc.) Chill guys there are different opinions than yours!

You should feel proud that you are important enough for satire and ridicule! What makes our country so great is that we can freely agree to disagree and still enjoy our civilian rights.

I totally disagree with the statement that Mormons don't attack others. I was raised in Mesa, AZ (Salt Lake City Annex) and I was totally discriminated against by the Mormons at my school. Many of us who were raised there have deep resentment toward the LDS church.

I have been out of school for a while, I now have a Mormon neighbor who is not from the Mesa clan. I have come to know her as a person and not as a mormon. We are friends who respect our differences and still get along. Now, let's all pause. I'll drink a glass of wine and you can have some lime Jell-O. Can't we all just get along! Learn to laugh. it's good for your health. - 11/18/2004 - anon

the really funny part about your site is that nobody bothered to research where you got the wannabe elder track. i know the author, and he is a die-hard, over-the-top active guy, with mormonad posters on his wall. he wrote that as an inspirational thing for the elders in his district, and it has gotten at least one person interested enough in the LDS faith to talk to the elders, have the discussions, and get baptized. With that in mind, i think it is really ironic that you are trying to use it against mormons in a negative way. what a bunch of idiots... and i don't mean the mormons. - 09/19/2004 - anon

Editor's note: The entire Salamander Society staff has just listened to Wannabe Elder and we are inspired to the point of rapture. We on our way to the bishop's office to request re-baptism and restoration of our temple blessings. You can now add 666 former apostates to the baptismal credits of Steve Nunez. Praise the Lord and Joseph too!

I like the mormon rap...but u shouldn't be so mean about the prophet and stuff! - 08/02/2004 - submission from 16 yr. old

I am completely speechless. It took my breath away to think that someone could be so outrageously cruel about the Mormon Church. I think that this sight is completely un-called for. It's very upsetting to me, as I am a faithful Latter-day saint. No body should insult such a great leader and manipulate his words so that it sounds like he swears. That is definately not the man he is. To manipulate the words of the others, as to make it look like they disrespect one another(example, the thought bubbles) is very rude, crude, vulgar, and terribly unacceptable. You people who are doing these things on this site, must have absolutely no life and all, and are very sick minded to feel good about doing something that is so obviously disrespectful, and so very WRONG, and very UNACCEPTABLE!!! You people make me sick, but you're not going to ruin someone like me because it does not change what I believe. I will never stoop down to your level and believe the nasty things you put on this sight, church related or not. - 06/26/2004 - Sister Prissy Petals

You really need to lighten up! this is not funny. I love the Mormon Rap, but this is a bad website. We don't make fun of you, why make fun of us. I think if you've stooped to the lowest level there is, you stooped way too far! - 06/20/2004 - from an ACTIVE LDS member

I just went through some of your files on Latterday Lampoon. I laughed a little and felt sick inside at the same time.

I happen to serve as a ward clerk in Virginia. My Sunday's start at 4:30 a.m. when I get up to attend Bishopric meeting. There we go over the needs of members of the ward - who needs help, who needs assistance, who needs a calling, who needs to be released, and generally, what we as a ward can do to help.

Within the past few weeks we've made sure that a single mother, who is unemployed, has had enough food to eat. The bishop also arranged to help pay for a lawyer to help her in a custody dispute and the ward employment specialist is helping her find a job. In addition, the Young Men's group provided her with firewood -- until then she had litterally been picking up sticks in the forest to heat her home.

In the past few weeks, another individual and her children from Mexico, have had their water system fixed and bathroom repaired by the Elder's Quorum. Another single mother had her home repainted and screens replaced, toilets fixed, and more... all with no cost or obiligation. I saw another family, who never come to church, receive financial assistance from the ward and they had food and meals brought in when the mother underwent a major operation. I could go on about the endless hours of thankless service that I see conducted in our one ward alone.

I am guessing from what I saw posted on your website that you had some sort of bitter experience with the church. To whomever hurt you, I say shame on them.

I hope you will find it in your heart to become the better person... forgive them... and then... rather than mocking the beliefs of others... I challenge you to go out and help others... rather than hiding behind your fears and launching sarcastic bits about other people.

You have a funny wit. I hope you will eventually use your talent to inspire. My best to you. - 01/26/2004 - Faithful at 44

my parents owned the mormon rap tape, we listened to it all the time, it's a classic. - 01/21/2004 - anon

It would be good if someone could do a thing from the Wizard of Oz movie where Dorothyis leaving Munckinland...

Follow the brethern brick road!
Follow the brethern brick road!
Fallow, fallow, fallow, fallow...
Fallow the brethern brick road.

"We're off to see the brethren
The wonderful brethern of OZ.
Because, because, because, BEECAAAAAUZZZE...
I can't remember what it was.

"We're off to eat some gizzards,
And maybe some angel hair.
Oh shit, I think I'm fucked UUUUUUUUP...
But, what the hell I'm going there. - 12/09/2003 - anon

I thought you have some funny stuff here. I'd like to see one of the "general authorites" talk with Fleetwood Mac's "Tell me lies" in the background. - 11/25/2003 - anon

I'm kinda offended by the material in this website. I think jokes are great, my friends always comment on how much I laugh. But, there's a fine line between funny and offensive. You've taken very sacred material and completely ripped it apart. It was okay for a little bit, but you've gone too far. I hope some day you can learn what The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints really teaches and maybe influence those who use the internet in a good way. - 11/06/2003 - anon

Editor's note: The Salamander Society staff was truly disappointed and depressed by your being "kinda offended" by the material on our website. We strive to "totally offend and enrage" our readers. We appreciate your feedback and will lengthen our stride to create future material guaranteed to raise your self-rightousenss and holy hackles to all new heights.

I LIKE HOW IT EXPOSES THE MORMONS FOR WHAT THEY REALLY ARE... - 07/25/2003 - anon

Lol! Mormon Rap and the Gadiantor Robbers one was an ROFL... do something about the LDS church from one of our evil 'apostate' positions! - 07/24/2003 - yoshiah

The Mormon Rap was written, produced, recorded and performed by Walter Gregory of Sandy, UT.� the Walter & Hays Band

This is such a work of art, he should get some credit for it,don't you think?

Or you could ask him for permission if you haven't already. Walter performed all the instruments and vocals on this and recorded it himself in his home studio.

Thanks for a very entertaining site. - 03/06/2002 - Dan(an active LDS with a good sense of humor)

Editor's Note: Dan, thank you. We have been trying to track down the creator of Mormon Rap for some time now. He does indeed deserve the credit due.

I have a little present for you. Its a wav file, in stereo no less. I hope you like it. I hope it brightens up your day as much as The Salamander Society site has brightened up mine. - 11/03/2001 - Pat M

11/11/2002 by Neophi and Mike Paglia	11/11/2002 by Neophi and Mike Paglia11/11/2002 - by Neophi & Mike Paglia
11/11/2002 by Neophi and Mike Paglia	11/11/2002 by Neophi and Mike Paglia codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,0,0"

	Olympic Rings of Fire - 2/19/2001 - performed by Pat McKitrick
	Hatchy Poo - 12/19/2001 - performed by Pat McKitrick
	Olympic Man Hole Covers Song - 11/24/2001 - performed by Pat McKitrick
	Help Us Romney! (short version) - To the tune: "Help Me Rhonda" - performed by Gordon B Hinckley - 11/07/2001 - created by Pat McKitrick Click here for the Long Version - Help Us Romney!

	Paul H Dunn and Hugh B Brown on an airplane - (caution: use of "F" word once and the slang word "pussy" once.) This clip lampoons Dunn's legendary "whopper telling." - 12/20/2003 - created by Pat McKitrick
	Bruce R McConkie - Mr Mor(m)on docturine himself paying tribute to his chief! - 12/19/2001 - created by Pat McKitrick

The Broken Word - Current General Authorities and Celebrities

The Spoken Word - Voices Saying "Hie" from Kolob

Music Files - Misc Themes

The Spoken Word - Misc Themes

Music Files - 2002 Olympic Themes

Comments Section